other grandparents

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

It’s very awkward. My grandchildren, except the 2 oldest (21 &22) , are very close to their maternal grandparents. They are younger than me, do a lot of things with the children, so I understand the close bond they have developed. I am older and happy to take a back seat. Also, happy that they get so much love from everyone. That’s something my 3 didn’t have, because all the grandparents were in a different country. I think they really missed out - sad, but couldn’t be helped.

Kowl

I know I would get really upset trying to discuss it with my daughter. I want to avoid that.

There is your answer - leave it alone.

Matters not who is on a school paper, surely?

I recall being entirely ignored by one GC for a couple of years, back to normal as it is with children. They're strange at times.

Perhaps as she is estranged from her father the grandchildren don’t know him and therefore she didn’t want to include him on the tree and have them ask a lot of questions or have people at school ask grandchild about him
And then not be able to answer? I don’t know just trying to think is what could have had the tree end up the way it did. I’m sure it hurt but I’d try to let it go. You weren’t intended to see it and did so perhaps not meant to be hurtful. As for the rest, if you’re still seeing your daughter and her family I’d try to let that go too. Resentment is born of keeping tabs so I’d concentrate my efforts on not worrying over how often and what they do when they see the other grandparents. It has no real bearing on you does it? Continue to show up for and see your daughter and her children and have the relationship you have. I think we are so want to make grand parenting a competitive arena of “it’s not fair”. But really , all this does is cause trouble , largely for ourselves. As we all surely told our children, life isn’t fair is it? So all we can do is take what we have and make the most of it. Grandchildren can have a lovely relationship with both sides - and those relationships can still look very different and still be lovely both

I can't see what these supposed "awkward questions" could be Kowl. You divorced your D's father 20 years ago, she has no contact with him so he is a grand father that your grandson has never met.

Does he call you nana/grandma/grandmother/granny? If he does then why not include you in the family tree? Maybe a conversation with your D would be an idea.

That is very good advice.

It's always better to not think about what the other grandparents are doing. Just carry on seeing your grandchildren and they will know you as their grandmother whatever is happening with the others. I know being missed off the family tree must have been hurtful but let it go as not the children's fault.
Please don't give up on them. Children need all their grandparents.

Yes, I agree. I have to just be myself. The children will make their own choices when they are older. Thanks.

I know I would get really upset trying to discuss it with my daughter. I want to avoid that.

Thanks for replying. A friend said the same to me, that the family tree thing was maybe to avoid awkward questions. Maybe that's true. I thought only having one set of grandparents on the tree would raise questions though. Maybe I'm overthinking it. I couldn't stop crying driving home. I think my emotions are muddled up.

I understand how you must have felt when you weren't on his tree Kowl but it's just one of those things we have to grin and bear. Not the child's fault at all.

Does your DD like her stepfather?
Perhaps the other DGP are easier somehow? Are there cousins to play together?

Would they holiday with you if you asked them?

My DD spends more time with her DH parents than with me. They are super DGP who build the DGC climbing frames, take them on fab holidays abroad and are younger and fitter than me.
Hang in there. Be yourself and try not to be hurt by these slights.

Why not just discuss this issue with your daughter?

Thinking about the family tree, it may be that they felt there could be awkward questions from your grandson, his friends, teachers etc. and were trying to avoid that until he is older. Thus it might have nothing to do with excluding you.

Why the parents behave so that you feel excluded I couldn't say. Usually it's the paternal grandparents who feel left out. Perhaps some discreet questioning of them would clarify things or make them realise that they're not being even-handed.