Competitive other grandma

It is the time spent doing things like reading stories, craft work, baking and just listening and chatting that will remain forever and enrich any child for life. I think it is what we all remember and value the most as adults looking back. You cannot buy that time. The gifts and wonderful holidays have a place, but really cannot beat the quality time spent together. I would just smile and say how wonderful re the holidays . Hopefully as time passes you will get to spend more time together.

Don’t fret. The other nana is showing her insecurities. I’m sure your Son and DIL can see this playing out and see what’s going on.

Maybe you should try being a little more bold - and just insist on getting more “equal” time on these excursions. Keep your exchanges civil and kind between the two of you and don’t get parents involved. You are both loving and well-meaning grannies.
It will all work out.

Hopefully we’re not dealing with a total control freak.

It’s not about the things you buy your grandchildren it’s the time you put into being with them, it can all become competitive if you let it, I would be the one on the floor playing and inpersonating different voices while the other grandparent is happy to spend lots on the children but never join in the fun, don’t let it bother you love just be yourself

Why do you think other Nana is competing with you ? Maybe it's your insecurities that make you feel that way . I hardly think a 12 month old is going to be impressed with gifts and expensive holidays ( how many has she gone on in her 1st year of life ?)
They only need love and the more people to support and love her through her life the better.
As for spending less time with the child , it happens things can't be equal , just enjoy your time with your family , there are many years ahead . Enjoy

There are two gifts we can give our grandchildren, our love and our time...........both are priceless.

Don't even try to compete with the other GM. When you see your GD get on the floor and play with her toys with her, make her giggle, entertain her, give her your undivided attention - there is no need to spend money on expensive gifts, bonding doesn't come with a price tag.

I have had my grandchildren one day a week since the eldest of six was born.
I completely give that day over to whichever child/children I have. We play, we read stories, we go for walks, yes they love playing in the sink with bubbles, they get muddy, we play outside in the summer, we garden together.
But if I feel like buying them a treat, of taking them to a theme park, I’m not going to resist, because I might be making another granny insecure.
We are very far from being rich, but what we have we are happy to spend on our children and grandchildren.

65KL what a thoroughly unpleasant comment!

I can only repeat what others have said.. your time, patience, love and being interested in her wee world… will give you a bond that will reassure you that you are cherished beyond doubt

Great advice here.

Short and sweet, ignore her!

You sound like a great grandmother and that’s all that matters xx

Grandmabattyit wasn't meant to be unpleasant I'm sorry if it come across that way . Maybe it's just the way she is looking at things , the other lady may not be doing things just to try to outdo the OP , so if she can try to see it from a different angel it may help

Ok. 65. I was taken aback at you calling her out on her 'insecurities*. I may have misunderstood. All good

Bad choice of word

65kL
I don’t think your comments came across as anything other than reasonable.
I feel a bit sorry for the other granny, who is unable to defend herself
Everyone brings different things to the party, just get on and try and be friends, be thankful that your family are being treated now and again, surely that’s nice for everyone.

the other nana may have lots of disposable income and not see it as competition at all.
in any event it is easier to buy gifts than give time . you can't buy love . just accept there are 2 different sets of nana and no-one is better than the other

Not sure if this is the case for you, but I have noticed with my own grandchildren and friends grandchildren if it is your son's children you often don't get as much time with the grands as the daughter-in-laws family. I noticed it on my own family when I was growing up as well. We spent a lot more time with my moms mom. We had time with the other grandparents just not as often.
So now with my son's boys I make a special effort to spend more time with them.
So I suggest finding something special that you can do with the child that you enjoy. I do crafts and going to play at the park.

Madgran77

Gifts and holidays given to child:
" Oh how lovely I'm sure ** will enjoy that!" plus serene smile!

And find your own particular little relationship with your grandchild that they can remember....for me many moons ago it was "half an apple and half an orandw" shared with my Nana. Thee days it might be a special game, a lovely colouring book, fun baking, different fun little toys produced, face painting crayons, a particular park to visit....something they love now and other things as they grow and change 💐

Wise advice.

These are the things that children remember ..

I do agree that it's very important to have a good relationship with your son's wife/partner.
The other Nanny and I never compete, she's a very nice woman though we don't have much other than our family in common.
I know that they see more of her than they do of us, I think that this is completely normal as she is her mother and we used to live further away. But my son has said recently, unprompted, that they'd like to see more of us in the future now that we live closer so that will be nice for everyone, I hope.
As it is we're reasonably close to our granchildren and have a comfortable relationship, we've looked after them in their own home so that their parents could go away for a holiday and look forward to them coming to stay with us on their own in the future.

Spot on Karmalady, that’s exactly what I would do. Spending time with someone is the most valuable thing you can give.

If I had loads of money to splash about there are things I'd like to buy for my grandchildren - so let's not be down on people who can do that.

I'd like to contribute to a number of things that I can't do... I wouldn't do it to outshine the other grandmother though. I'm sure that's not what most grandparents are doing to be honest.

And it's not a simple time v money equation. Some can do both. Some are too far away to do much "time". Some are still working and so don't actually have the time...

The "other" grandmother in my life had plenty of money and treated our shared grandchildren as hers exclusively, plying them with money and gifts. I always accepted that I was the least favoured, and got on with it. However, when she sadly died, my eldest grandchild began calling me "Favourite granny" following it up with "I always wanted to call you that, but didn't dare. Now I can!" Her reasoning? That I was always happy to give my time completely to her and her sister and get wholly involved in whatever game/activity they chose to entertain themselves with, including getting out the make-up box and giving me a once-over (bringing Co-Co the Clown to mind!). None of this cost me anything, but it made memories she never forgot. Hang in there, Briget all is not lost!

So what are we saying here?
If you can’t afford to spend money on your grandchildren, the other grandparents shouldn’t either, because that’s not fair on you.
You can go on forever about baking and crawling around the floor playing games, but sometimes money is needed for a school trip, holiday clubs need paying for, a trip to a theme park is expensive, so good if grandparents can take them all out for the day.
It’s not scoring points, it’s being practical and helpful.

No, Sara1954 - I think most of us are saying that we can all bring something to our grandchildren and it doesn't have to be money. That money is useful but it's not everything.

Sara1954, I don't think anybody is saying that you shouldn't spend money on a child just that other things are equally relationship building so you don't need to compete.

icanhandthemback

*Sara1954*, I don't think anybody is saying that you shouldn't spend money on a child just that other things are equally relationship building so you don't need to compete.

Exactly!

And I’m not disagreeing with you, I just think that some of you are being a bit small minded, it’s not one thing or the other, let’s all do what we can, and stop stressing about what someone else is doing.