Really not sure where............... ...

I guess it is because it takes two salaries to cover costs, and also why should a mum have to give up her career to be a SAHM, so relying on Grandparents for childcare.
But nobody should feel taken for granted or put upon.

I’m not sure why so many grandparents think it’s a right of passage for their grown up kids to automatically assume that it’s their own parents responsibility to ‘half raise’ the grandkids!

Can anyone share a reasonable answer to this? The basic concept of we raised our children, so now they have their own family, so they need to raise theirs!

Honestly there are no medals for being a a worn out, tired, or stressed grandparent standing at the school gates!

I've had up to 6 children at a time including Foster children and also worked as a registered childminder. All the children ate the same cooked evening meal as we had, unless there was a particular dislike for one thing eg fish, peas etc or an allergy. If they really didn't want it they were offered cheese or ham sandwiches and fresh fruit.
If any of the children were rude to me it was challenged immediately in a stern voice and the child was told it was not acceptable to say those things.
All children will push boundaries and the OPs children just want to be home with their parents after school.
Perhaps cut down the days you do or maybe take them out for a picnic in the park some evenings if the weather is nice

You sound exhausted, time to tell ALL your kids that you’re done being their go to childcare now. You’ll fill in on an emergency and have normal grandparent visits but that’s it. Give them a date, say you’ll keep going until your holiday but will not be doing it upon your return. They’ve got to sort care out for while your away after all, so they need to sort it out to continue afterwards too. I’m sure they’ll all moan and try to guilt trip you but stand strong, say you’re just exhausted, it’s become too full on for you to continue, and with a new baby coming into the mix, and dil going to work more, enough is enough. They will go on and on and on. Say it once to each of them and when they persist just say I’ve already explained why we can’t continue, nothing has changed and I’m not prepared to discuss this anymore. And don’t!! They start again a simple no, not talking about this, I’ve already said. And just keep repeating it. But you and DH must be on the same page and stand together on this.

I think swamy is just worn down with all of the childcare she is doing.
It's hardly surprising!

Plus, in terms of the "olden days", children, and methods are very different.
It's better to accept it, swallow down any disappointment, and let children be as they are (within reason!)

I don't think you having the opinion that they have 'rubbish parenting' is helpful or necessary. Every parent handles things differently, their way for their children. Some of us make mistakes, and learn the hard way from them, but none of us are in a position to critisize others, unless abuse is being commited obviously.

You're making this hard for yourself. Their parents set certain standards, why not go with it? You won't change anything. Why not let them do what they want (within reason) and eat what they want (within reason) If they're on the Ipad they're not fighting. It's not what you (or in fact I) might approve of, but give yourselves a break. And take a deep breath and say no when it's all too much. Good luck!

Loving not living! So sorry

Reach! Not teach

BlueBelle

If the parents are happy with them using their iPads for things you don’t approve of I think you can’t change that in the couple of hours after school You don’t approve of the tv programmes they want to watch but unless you’re talking about stuff that is really not age appropriate I wouldn’t worry too much What is it they want to watch at 4 pm in the afternoon that you disapprove of ?? They ve been at school all day do they really need to do educationally stuff on iPads why can’t they chill out with a cartoon or something

Cant grandad get a ball and take them out to kick it around outside ? Or show them how to make a den sounds like they need some stimulation or you get them cooking with you, boys often love cooking My adult grandson used to love making stuff in the kitchen and although hes a big outdoor worker with muscles like a wrestler now he is a very good cook
Or just take them for a walk it sounds like they are bored
I remember playing football in the alley with my grandsons and they thought I was very good 🙃have some fun with them and they might look forward to coming to stay more

I completely agree. It’s a sad situation, but not really that onerous if it’s term time only and school is only a few minutes away. It’s really only a few hours before and after school and only twice a week.

I just think maybe OPs “rules” and parents rules are way out of sync and as such they all need to sit down together and teach some mutually acceptable happy compromise. At 6 & 8 all these little lads are going to think is their living grandparents don’t like them as they are not allowed to do the things they can do at home and not allowed to have food they like!

If you no longer wish to look after them during term time because it’s all a bit much, sit down with the parents and discuss it.

At 6 & 8 they are still quite little, school can make them quite tired and being with you should be a nice experience for both parties.

Why not ask parents to provide snacks for them, in their own lunch boxes, which they can open and eat when they want. It’s a long time to go for little tummies not to eat.

All of our children were “fussy eaters”, we did “pander” to them. They are all grown up now and eat more ir less anything other than our autistic daughter.

I repeat I think your expectations of these two small boys is way more than can be achieved by them after a hard day at work

But I think ALL your children are expecting too much of you
you seem to be doing a lot of childcare for them all and I suppose what you do for one you need to do for the others
So go away for holiday and leave them all to make other arrangements

I wouldn't put too much store by their cheekiness, playing on iPads or saying they don't like your DH. I know that's easy for me to say but this really can be fairly typical behaviour from children. Although I'm in no way minimising the hurt or anger you must feel and I don't blame you.

What I do think is that you are being taken advantage of and I think the hurt and anger stems mostly from that. If I was you I would suggest to the parents that they pay for wrap around childcare. If they have three children then they must take responsibility. They can't keep reproducing and assume you will pick up the flack.

A recorded apology?

dear me, they are a couple of little boys.

@shelflife You are right in that we should only do what we want to do in terms of childcare and it only really started when DH was on long term sick before he retired. It was the odd afternoon to begin with and gradually more and more bits got added in.
Another GC is with us part time three days a week but these are easier as the day starts at 9 or so and have activities planned like playgroup or swimming so I got to mix with other GPs doing the same thing and the day finished earlier. If rotas were changed, I could usually fit it in but still never did more than the 3 days as DD said it wasn't fair on us.
But Nursery has now been added in so a day has been dropped with further changes due in September but school/nursery pick ups are on the agenda for us then so one afternoon will be our time with these GCs as they do Rainbows etc.
@zakouma66 @Grammaretto
I do think these boys are tired - they don't seem to have enough sleep. Various family Whatsapp groups usually include pics them falling asleep when with aunties or other family so maybe its not just us!!
However, we did talk to DH's DS as he was nearly an hour later picking them up - so with no snacks they will have been ready for their tea. He was not happy with the conversation or his boys - we mentioned that the boys must be happy about where they are being looked after - and this was important to us. We know that kids say unkind things and can usually work around these things.
If that meant they DS and DiL changed their working hours or jobs -then it needs to be done - as we potentially have another six years of this.
We will not do it particularly if they will influence their sibling to behave as they do now. It isn't acceptable!
DS looked panicked as I don't think their jobs are that flexible and to see childcare disappear will cause major problems for them. For this side of the family we are the only ones retired with a degree of flexibility - maybe that flexibility is our problem and we need to address that.
We did have some messages this evening, in which the DS and DiL were not impressed and had addressed the boys behaviour and sent a recorded apology which I feel really should be given in person. We will see if that happens or not.
Thank you for all your responses - will discuss them all with DH with a brew and much needed cake!!

Games like Minecraft that allow for exploration and creativity can be good for learning. They stimulate critical thinking, problem-solving, and systems thinking (learning how things work together
I think Minecraft is considered very educational

Yes boys of a similar age will fight and cheat ( as do girls) with board games
I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong but I do think you might be expecting too much and your family are probably expecting too much too

It’s so difficult, isn’t it swampy? But, you have to be straight and honest with them. Along with the other grandparents, we practically brought up the older 2 GC (now 21 and 22). Then, 8 years ago, my youngest son and his wife had their first. Son and d.i.l. mentioned that d.il. intended to go back to work after maternity leave and were hoping I would help out a day or two. Bearing in mind, besides looking after the older GC, I was also working part-time. I politely said that the only help I would be able to offer was ‘baby- sitting’ if they wanted a night out etc. I just couldn’t commit. Bearing in mind, I was much older by then, I felt I was justified. I had done my bit. (Btw, I don’t think GPs should be paid to look after their GC). My son and wife are highly paid professionals and I felt no guilt. The conversation was awkward but I think they understood. I still baby-sit occasionally.
Re: the apparent hostility towards your DH, I wouldn’t take that to heart. They are only 6 and 8. It’s just a phase.
Another thing - I have always told my AC, my house, my rules. I love my GC and am very generous, but I don’t pander to them where dinner is concerned. They both have the same .

Children today don't want to play football, go for walks, sit on a bus, go and feed the ducks.
Miss perfect (i wish!) my daughter, loved all those things but old grumpy pants, my grandson looks at me as if I'm mad if i suggest those things.

It doesn't seem as if you get on well with these children. Perhaps refuse to watch them until after your long holiday, if then. Let the parents sort them - they sound like slightly difficult children.

I am rather glad you are not my grandparent! Do you actually love those children? You seem to look on them as a hindrance put upon you by ungrateful family, rather than a blessing. I agree that you should not be used, that is your problem and one you need to address, so I am not concerned about that. No, what concerns me is the fact that you are so cold about the children.
I’m not surprised they don’t want to visit. Think about it….. at home they are allowed to do certain things but when they visit you, you take those privileges away, because you don’t agree with them! When we started to look after our beloved grandchildren we decided that we would be guided by what their parents did with them. Therefore, although they used to have some extra treats, (we were grandparents, after all, and allowed to spoil them a little bit), basically they had the same treatment from us as they had with their mum and dad. That meant they knew where they stood and our daughters knew the children were being brought up as they wanted them to be. Result? Happy daughters and happy grandchildren!
They are all grown up now, aged from 16 to 30 but still love coming to visit me. Our houses are about 8 miles apart so it’s easy. I am widowed now but we all still chat about when Granddad was here and the great times we all had together.
It was never a chore to have them, just a delight and I treasure those days. I am told that they do too.

Why not sit down together and thrash it out? (Not literally!)
Get them to say what they need, and you say what you can do, and take it from there.

@Bluebelle given that their parents already allow them to play games like Minecraft and the like plus have the ACs have admitted using the screens as babysitters - it is hard to break the habit - neither do I want to police everything they watch. It's almost a relief when the iPads run out of welly as they are forced to find something else to do or fall asleep!!
DH has mobility issues so playing football is just not going to happen. I have tried all kinds of things , got in things that are age related, one of them is really good at art and asked for how to books on drawing cartoon characters. I will even sit and play games with them but then one will invariably cheat or lose which causes a riot. Arggh!
They both play for football teams so know all about fairness and taking it on the chin when they lose. But obviously different rules apply here or they go out the window!! lol!!

I think you must put your foot down. Enough is enough!
Other parents manage to find ways, flexible working etc, to manage childcare.
You must make it look too easy!
Make a joke of it. Say you are both thinking of going back to work or genuinely enrol for something which takes you right away.
Maybe they would get the hint?
You could even suggest they employ someone to do the school pick up or whichever you are finding hard.
I agree with BlueBelle that saying they don't like you is not to be bothered by. It's probably affectionate and being tired after school is normal too.
Have a break you are but when you return tell the parents exactly what you are prepared to do!
Good luck.

Poor children these days. Totally exhausted by the demands of school, navigating differing rules in differing environments.

I hear you about not pandering to fussy eaters but some leeway possibly?

As for not liking an adult, children say all sorts of things and a fragile ego is not always helpful. Perhaps a more "no nonsense" attitude might help?

@Baggs This has been suggested already and we know they have them as they had bought them for both Christmas and Birthdays - think they are a bit heavy-handed with them as they have both had two new headsets each!! and that's just from us - the other GPs have bought them too!!
We have some here but if they cant be careful with things that are used by all the GCs - they will keep being told to turn their iPads down!! The first time they borrowed them - they tried to take them home so they settled their own issue there!