Overprotective parents with animals

I don't have a fear of mud germs yet. 30 years ago when my daughter was a tot, she was playing in my garden with a hose and lots of mud and giggling fiercely as the puppies ran through the mess. An elderly neighbor walked by and looked in astonishment and then tears came to her eyes while she said to me, "Why couldn't I let my girls get dirty and happy like that?"

Feel sorry for what the children are missing out on, it's a shame your son let's it happen.
We were always outside, lived on a farm until I was 6 so used to all sorts of animals. My boys were outdoors playing from when they could walk.
A friend and her mother used to keep her girls very clean, I don't know how many times a day they had to wash their hands because they were "dirty". And clothes changed if they were thought to be grubby. Those girls caught every cold etc going, often at the doctors. I think he got fed up with seeing them as eventually he told my friend she was keeping them too clean and they would never have immunity from the daily germs if she didn't let them get dirty from time to time.
I have neighbours who's kids are afraid of anything that buzzes around the garden, see a bee or wasp and you can hear them screeching that there's an insect. The father of the eldest ones was in a right panic one day when he could see small bumble bees in a disused bird box on our wall, I just stood and looked at him and shook my head while thinking what an idiot he was. Bonus it kept him indoors while they were there lol.

Such a shame that children are so affected by parents fears.
My eldest GS was chatting to me on the phone when all hell broke loose in his house, both his wife and 6 yr old were screaming hysterically upstairs he rushed up thinking something terrible happened, turned out his daughter spotted a ‘money’ spider on mummy’s shoulder and they were both screaming and thrashing about in panic to be rid of the beast. I hear all this going and later GS said I told them I’d put it out window but I couldn’t even find it.
We did have a giggle but I know he’s cross that Mum has passed her own fear on.

This sounds as though she has a real phobia that she could be helped with. Has anyone suggested that she receives therapy?
As someone who was brought up with horses and various types of animals I feel she is depriving these children of one of the most beautiful relationships children can experience..

and not allowing them to build a healthy immune system.. she needs help IMO

flappergirl

You should read the hysteria on Mumsnet about animals, dogs in particular. So many poor dogs are rehomed or put to sleep after a baby arrives because the woman is paranoid about germs or the dog attacking the baby, even though it's the soppiest creature going. New mothers also seem to feel they can't possibly cope with a baby and a dog!

You would expect there to be a balance of replies on the subject but the majority of posters are in perfect agreement. Dogs are dirty, dangerous and any new mum would go insane if she even contemplated looking after both.

I suppose there has always been this attitude to some degree but sadly I think it's becoming the norm due to younger people's sanitised and bubble existence.

No wonder allergies and behavioural disorders are on the increase.

Good grief! I was brought up with dogs, as were my children. I was taught from a very early age to respect both animals and nature. Never to approach another dog unless owner said it was ok and never to pull dogs tails and ears.

We visited little open farms all the time and the beach, we swam in the water.

Baths and washing machines were made to clean dirty bodies and dirty clothes.

My mother like many people was afraid of spiders and passed on that fear to me. However, i was determined not to pass that fear to my own children. I bought a book on insects and encouraged the children to look closely at creepy crawlies and try to identify them. It worked with most of my 5 (youngest not so well!) and helped me overcome my own fear.

In childhood I had all sorts of 'pets' and enjoyed poking around in the grass with my dad who showed me slow worms, grass snakes, frogs and toads.
Spiders were not my favourite but my GD and a friend took me to a small event where we were allowed to carefully touch all sorts of creatures and learn something about each one. At the end a huge spider was also shown to us individually which to my surprise I could look at it closely and ask questions. Its certainly helped me overcome my fear of spiders and I've popped several outside into the garden since then - but none of them were the size of the one we were shown!
It's so sad that some children are not allowed to get near various creatures. They're missing out on so much.
My daughter took me to a meerkat experience. It was just the two of us and the person in charge. The meerkats seems to enjoy exploring us; it was delightful and we learned lot.

Many, many years ago, I remember making mud pies in the garden with our friends. During the school holidays we played out from morning to early evening, walked to school in pouring rain and snow over our wellies. When the school boilers broke down we sat in the classroom wearing our outdoor clothing and then walked home afterwareds. We then changed into our playing out clothes and went out with our friends.

Our sons did the same, every house in the street had children and it was fantastic, sitting on the garden wall on a weekend chatting to other parents watching the children all play on their bikes and go-karts and they always went to the nearby park with my husband and other dads to play football and tennis.

We have quite a few children in our street from under school age to older ones and I never see them as they are taken to school (just down the road) in their parents cars and brought home again in their friends parent's cars, they never play out in their gardens. It is so weird and so sad. I wonder if it is because of the age of technology or the fear of being abducted but it is a strange world now compared to what I remember when I and our children were young.

My DM, when she was in her late eighties, reminded me of the time, when I was a young child, that I was letting a woodlouse crawl across my hand. Suddenly, all these baby woodlice appeared! What a surprise that was!

I was always playing with woodlice and beetles and became very adept at catching grasshoppers! 🦗We also had an Indian stick insect, which laid literally hundreds of eggs. We ran out of people to pass them on to!

My DGGD, now a 2-year-old, has been brought up with the family dog, a lively terrier. Sometimes I think the poor dog is more at risk from the child than vice versa! She is crazy about dogs and what worries me is that she is liable to go up to any dog and try to make friends. How to discourage her without making her scared?

Some children just don't like certain things. I've known children who didn't like the feel of playdough, children who didn't like getting messy. My mother hated the feel of feathers and was terrified of birds, no one knew why. It certainly didn't come from my gran who owned a succession of budgies as she got older.
My niece had premature twins and one was reluctant to touch the grass, she said premies are very sensitive to touch and to textures. I think some fears are simply part of the child.

annodomini

My DGGD, now a 2-year-old, has been brought up with the family dog, a lively terrier. Sometimes I think the poor dog is more at risk from the child than vice versa! She is crazy about dogs and what worries me is that she is liable to go up to any dog and try to make friends. How to discourage her without making her scared?

My DGS is like this. We told him that dogs are like people, and some don't want to be touched ,and as they can't speak and tell you that, you always have to ask the owner if it is OK to touch their dog.

Glorianny

Some children just don't like certain things. I've known children who didn't like the feel of playdough, children who didn't like getting messy. My mother hated the feel of feathers and was terrified of birds, no one knew why. It certainly didn't come from my gran who owned a succession of budgies as she got older.
My niece had premature twins and one was reluctant to touch the grass, she said premies are very sensitive to touch and to textures. I think some fears are simply part of the child.

One of our DGD is terrified of spiders for no reason whatsoever. Her sister held a tarantula on the palm of her hand at a well-supervised "mini-monsters party".

If it really causes problems which impinge on life generally then there are desensitisation programmes available with psychologists.

Glorianny

annodomini

My DGGD, now a 2-year-old, has been brought up with the family dog, a lively terrier. Sometimes I think the poor dog is more at risk from the child than vice versa! She is crazy about dogs and what worries me is that she is liable to go up to any dog and try to make friends. How to discourage her without making her scared?

My DGS is like this. We told him that dogs are like people, and some don't want to be touched ,and as they can't speak and tell you that, you always have to ask the owner if it is OK to touch their dog.

Exactly this. Yes, you need to teach dogs how to behave around children, but it's just as important to teach children how to behave around all animals - to treat them with respect and realise that they are not toys. Anyone - child or adult - should always ask an owner if it is ok to touch their dog. You wouldn't just go up to a stranger in the street and touch their child - the same should apply to dogs.

I think it's terribly sad to influence children to be scared of everything. As a 5 year old not long after the war I remember seeing canal boats full of bananas up the Lea Navigation Canal in East london. We used to stand on the banks and the men would throw us hands of bananas as a treat. One day I saw a man jump and yell in panic as a very large tarantula crept out of the bananas and I have been scared of spiders ever since. I made a huge effort not to pass this on to all my kids and luckily they all seem confident with animals of all sorts.

My two lads were brought up on a smallholding sheep ducks geese dogs and cats When younger sons first son was born he went ballistic shooing our dogs away Including when he was about nine months old a sweet and gentle puppy. As a consequence he became scared of dogs and son was surprised when I explained it did not help when he went over the top shooing the puppy away. At age nine grandson still very wary of dogs and sadly our dogs just now ignore him

When DGD was about 2 a very large dog bounded up to her when they were out for a walk and knocked her right over on to her back then stood over her licking her. She has been nervous of dogs since then although they have bought a puppy themselves and thst has helped..

I really don't like things without legs - snakes, slow worms, even earthworms. My parents and brother no problem, so must be innate. I used to pick spiders up quite happily in front of my children until one bit me, fortunately when they weren't around. My sons not worried, but my daughter is terrified of spiders, as is her daughter, her son not bothered, but really scared of snakes, much worse than me. Seems rare to be scared of both. All love our cats, and DD has a loopy cocker spaniel.

But going back to fear of germs, we had a tragic episode at our neighbour's house, three year old found dead in bed due to an ECHO virus, and nine months later her second child also found dead after a nap. She was germ obsessed, house always reeked of bleach, and there was a tentative comment from the medics about them having had no chance to build immunity.

Not all fears are passed down . I’m fine with any creepy crawlies as is my DH and my DS but my DD had a really fear and goes nuts if a spider or bee, wasp is near her , we don’t know where it’s come from . She’s better now since she’s left home but she’s thinking of having hypnotherapy for it.
We’ve had dogs and cats for 30 years plus rabbits and hamsters which they had to care for ,so my DC have no fear of animals , dirt or mess . They also have no allergies, or asthma and are very rarely ill , even when young . My neighbour whose DC were the same age were always ill, had allergies and asthma . The mum has always been extremely houseproud and had a fear of germs . Sadly one DS also has fear of germs .
Back to dogs my SIl had a fear of dogs which she passed down to her DC . They’re 16 s and 18 now and are still wary of my dog, who’s a soppy Labrador.
My other neighbour rehomed her sons dog because her dil couldn’t cope with a dog and a baby . And she was a sahm .

That is so true, children are taught fear. My great grandson as a wee one would happily go round our garden and look at spiders and crawlies with his Papa. Then over the years ( because his father is afraid of spiders) he has become terrified of them. We are slowly getting him used to them again but its sad to see.

As another farmers daughter I am sad your GCs are afraid of cats and dogs, although a healthy respect (not fear) for cows and horses (think Princess Anne) is perhaps sensible.
I can understand the spider thing - they move so fast. If you've ever had one run up your arm and disappear inside the neck of your blouse I can quite understand your fear . (I never did find out where it went afterwards!). All the same, we have to live with them, and we need them to keep our planet alive.
What can OP do to help her grandchildren to learn to live with these creatures? Would it help to talk openly with DDIL and offer to take the children on outings to learn about them?
If so - how? Where do you go to learn about creepie crawlies?

My daughter inlaw is like that with my youngest granddaughter she doesn’t get dirty she cries if just one bit of dirt on her hands and my other dil with my grandson hes always out in the mud digging worms etc but his mum is a gardener when my other dil saw him she said he’s dirty I said yes but happy and quickly in shower and not worried about being dirty after all it’s easy to clean

So many poor dogs are rehomed or put to sleep after a baby arrives because the woman is paranoid about germs or the dog attacking the baby, even though it's the soppiest creature going.

I’m sure this family thought their dog was ‘the soppiest creature going’
amp.theguardian.com/uk-news/article/2024/jun/19/seven-month-old-baby-girl-dies-after-being-bitten-by-familys-dog-in-coventry

Absolutely, Nannashirlz - my late MiL always used to say 'a mucky bairn is a happy bairn'!