Overprotective parents with animals

Children get dirty it’s a way of it but the truth is some people just are scared of insects etc. same for large animals such as horses. I perfectly admit I can’t stand a dog - a slobbery and always have a smell to me, horses are pretty at a distance and up close a bit intimidating though I can manage as I grew up in a family of riders. And Lord knows I had all sorts of exposure. My own family even got an irritating little yappy dog when I was in secondary school. Your son was right not to push a dog his partner didn’t want - a thing like that should be something both partners agree on or it’s a no. One can’t really compromise on half a dog. I think overall your grands will be fine and over time hopefully be at least better able to manage. It seems at their ages I’ve known quite a few kids with lots of Los phobias. They may never grow into nature lovers but they’ll be able to manage I’m sure.

Oh dear the dreaded typo. “Quite a few kids that age with loud phobias “ not Los phobias whatever that is. I do wish we’d get an edit button!

I feel very sorry both for your DIL and your grandchildren.

I, too, know people who are afraid of all animals or of insects or both. And I have always wondered at the mentality of a person who is so scared of anything, encouraging the same fear in their children. I don't suppose they do it deliberately, but to me it is wrong to go through life being afraid of things you don't need to fear.

Obviously, it makes sense to teach children that many animals are stronger than humans, especially a child and that it is stupid and can be dangerous to go too near a horse, cow, sow, or a strange dog, but these rules can be taught without making children afraid.

If your DIL had ever had to teach a class of twenty-six girls, all having hysterics because a wasp had got in to the classroom, I imagine she would have realised that it makes better sense to bring children up to know how to deal safely with animals and insects.

I am not particularly fastidious and there are always two or three dogs about the place, as well as birds of prey, snakes and other wildlife. My young used to bring their children down as babies in order that their immune systems could be boosted!! Seems to have worked - they are never ill.

So sad to hear of such fears among the young. My DG will pick snails up to see if they are at home (or whether they are gone). She will try anything because of her parents and grandparents encouragement. She's not keen on worms, but has been persuade to examine a slug. Age 2 1/2. I was brought up to be anxious about everything so I'm doubly glad to see her.

It would seem quite sad that they are so scared of many animals and insects and don’t like getting dirty but I sense that your real problem is with your DiL -calling her ‘the boss’ for example and comparing her with your DD.
Many adults are sensibly wary of horses and dogs in particular. They are both potentially dangerous and it’s sensible to be cautious. Why not simply try to enjoy the positives about your grandchildren, be grateful that you have them and accept that things are what they are rather than wishing they were different.

What will the DGC be like if school visits a farm, outdoor project or has projects involving creepy crawlies, will they even ve allowed to take part. Your DDI needs some counselling about nature.

I wonder what makes people make unhelpful passive aggressive comments

I so agrre that children are" taught" to fear. Parents pass on their dislikes/stresses without realising the effect, no fault of their own, simply happens, bit like osmosis.
Luckily , never had that problem in our family, they are all more than happy to be out, dirty, surfing, whatever, as children should.

I agree hazel193. My daughter who is now 40 has a phobia of spiders. My DH mother was petrified of them and passed it on to her. I am not a fan, but I don't go into hysterics when I see one. Whereas, when I was 2 our pet dog bit me in the the face. My father took the dog to the vets to be put to sleep. My parents loved animals and I was brought up not to fear all dogs. We have had 4 since we have been married. That said, when I looked after my DGC as toddlers I never left them alone with any of the dogs. If I went to the loo I would shut the dogs in the boot room, but my GS would always let the dog out before I got back. Thankfully all was OK.

melmart62

I wonder what makes people make unhelpful passive aggressive comments

Such as?

What a pity that parents instil fear into little ones. Itcwill be very difficult for them to overcome

I have a photo from my childhood of me and my next door neighbour's boys playing making mud pies. They were covered in mud as they were eating theirs, while I was primly stirring mine with a stick. I don't think I was discouraged from getting dirty but I think I just didn't particularly like it.

Having said that I truly believe that being too obsessed with cleanliness is not necessarily healthy. We need to build immunity and this comes from exposure to some germs. Obviously we need to protect children from nasty germs in things like dog and cat poo etc. but a bit of dirt is good for us.

My grandson is quite scared of big bumble bees after having one land on him near his ear, but he is otherwise fine with creepy crawlies. My DiL has a phobia about slugs but is trying not to pass it on to the children. Thankfully I'm over my fear of spiders so there is hope for my GC.

Is this another in-law bashing thread?

I am in my late seventies and am still terrified of spiders .

My DDL is terrified of spiders, so I’ve promised to put any I find in the garden. The children are ok with them,

Just on holiday with them all once, Dgd and I were digging in the sand. She asked her mum if she could get dirty. Dil said yes,
Dgd asked could she get filthy, Dil said “Yes, you’re on holiday”,
meaning I suppose, this an exception. Dgd said, “ We make a good team don’t we Nana?”
It made me a bit sad at the time, but I’m very fond of Dil, she is a great wife and mother. I’ve got used to her high standards now, and she’s got used to my lower ones. The girls dig for worms while they are here, and look for wild life. They like helping on the allotment, especially when a wheelbarrow is involved, or digging up spuds. I think Dil makes an exception while they’re here, which is great. I keep playing out clothes for them here. They are afraid of dogs too, but so am I, I’ve had 2 very frightening experiences with them. It has stopped me doing things in the past.

Just wish the 2 Dgd would’ve wear white trainers.

Just to add, I once went to an MS conference, (Ds) has it). One of the neurologists said children should be exposed to dirt, it strengthens the immune system. His theory was that over cleanliness could predispose to MS.

One of my sons was very scared of crane flies (daddy-long-legs) when he was little. I’ve never been scared of insects, and I now feel I wasn’t sympathetic enough. It was a genuine fear.

On the subject of children being adventurous and getting messy, one of the saddest things I ever heard was a mother saying to her daughter, age about 3, “Little girls don’t climb”.

When my DC were at primary school. There was heavy snow which obviously the children wanted to enjoy . The school sent a note home that children needed wellies and warm coats if they wanted to go out in the snow at playtime . A fair number of children turned up with no wellies as they didn’t have any . One mum said my kids don’t go anywhere needing wellies .

I remember when my daughter was a out 4, going to a mum and toddler group, didn't often go as it was very cliquey but she enjoyed it so went every few weeks as a treat
She makes friends easily and I watched as she organized a game of ring a ring a roses,(she is also a great organizer. Would you believe a couple of mums got up and took their children away after they'd done it once as they didn't want them going on the floor as it would make their clothes dirty

Children brought up with animals learn tolerance, kindness and are much less likely to get allergies. Pets and appropriate animal contact make children's health more resilient.

Your DD is not doing her children any favours. I'm not sure how easy it would be to change her attitude but your animal friends may become more interesting as the children grow up and explore the world.

Elrel

A friend was delighted when her toddler refused to finger paint as her hands would get dirty 🙄
A zooologist friend allowed his students only one negative reaction, they could avoid spiders OR snakes OR some other creature but only one!

My son was the same with the finger painting. He grew up to be a car mechanic!

A fair number of children turned up with no wellies as they didn’t have any . One mum said my kids don’t go anywhere needing wellies

Many years ago I was childminding a junior school age child.
One September her mum asked me if I would be using the car to do the school run that term, because if I was "going to insist on walking," she would have to buy her daughter a coat.

She made it sound like I was at fault.
She was actually proud of the fact that her daughter went everywhere by car, and therefore didn't need a coat 🙄

Iam with others in letting children get dirty and mixing with animals etc . However there has to be some caveats.My great uncle was a farmer with a lovely Hereford bull, who was never any problem, but we were all taught never to go into his box or field alone, never approach from behind etc. We were also taught the difference between a pet dog and a working dog, who had a job to do . But you also have to think of how things are in your life. I took my son aged 2 to Syria, and taught him never to approach a dog unless I or the owner told him he could. We had to do this because of the possibility of Rabies. When he was very little he didnt like spiders, but I told him the spider living our our boat was called Aristotle and he got rid of all the flies for us .He was quite happy with that explanation . In early childhood I do think that you need to teach children that they check with you before any contact with a strange animal or plant, so that this was done and then they could touch or play with thiem if you told them it was safe.

My mother was a bit like this, bless her. She was nervous around animals and insects; her mother had been the same. I had to nag ceaselessly to have a pet and when I eventually was allowed a cat and a rabbit (due to my father’s intervention, he loved animals) it was all about the dirt, the mess, the hygiene etc. it really freaked her out when I started riding (again, my Dad) and I lived at the stables which meant a thorough de contamination when I got home! Rather sad for her and my sister is a bit the same. Fortunately for me, I love animals and creepy crawlies etc and have always had dogs and the little furries I adore. My children are the same and it’s always been dogs everywhere and rabbits etc. now and when they were little. I really feel sorry for people who can’t see the joy in this but of course respect their rights to have different views. It has been difficult over the years to accommodate relatives when they have visited but we’ve managed! It’s been my dogs’ enthusiastic welcome that’s been the problem!

The wellies story reminded me of a Forest school I attended with some nursery school children. One little girl turned up with an obviously brand new pair of pink wellies. First week she stepped carefully and stopped to wipe off any muddy mark. By the end of the course she was happily squelching through mud and the wellies had been well and truly christened. I don't think her mother was obsessed with cleaning, they just lived very different lives. It's one of the reasons Forest School exists to show children who never see nature or mud a different world.