Anyone else feel surplus to requirements ?

I don’t like this change of my status

I’ve never thought of my status in the family. I’ve been a daughter, a wife, a mother and now a grandma but what’s important to me is the relationships I have with the individual family members, based on mutual respect.
‘Status’ just doesn’t come into it.

Buy (or make) the sock game! Something all the family can join in with no matter what age, and no need to be mobile as the sock comes to you! Place lots of identical tiny objects in 2 long socks - use playing cards to represent the objects (make a table or if old cards, just write on them - eg ace of spades = a thimble. 2 of hearts = a dice). Divide family into 2 teams. Shuffle cards then turn them over one by one to decide what object needs to be found. a member of each team (in turn) gets their hand into the sock and the first to find the correct item gets a point. Great fun and easy! (hardest part is finding 2 of each small object x 20 or more)

Just read your comments woolywoman agree x

we feel the oposite, 68 and 70 often think they think we will go on forever, we like it that way though. When they stop asking is when they think we are too old! The parcel man came the other day and was wary of my husband taking the parcel "because its heavy!" Husband was not impressed,

I’m 64 and still working with young children the girls at work treat me like I’m one of them age is a state of mind!mind you try telling my knees and hips that after a days work😂 I do join in with most things even with the family feel more surpassed to requirement as they are getting older but know that’s just a busy life thing.

Thank you for your comments & yes we do see each family group separately too . It’s our Golden Wedding Anniversary next year and we’ve booked a large Villa for us to stay together for a week . I’m just a little concerned we will either hold them back or even get left behind ( although I’m fairly certain they wouldn’t be that insensitive )

Not really, I’m almost 66 and do have some medical issues, but our family get togethers are always a scream and such fun! We always play something, I normally lose!

DH was the sort of guy who people always enjoyed talking with. At 79, I do feel a bit "out of it" nowadays when the AC and GC get together. Their world is different It's okay

Just be yourself… and maybe you’re more of an introvert than you realised?
Btw, those of us who couldn’t get the state pension at 60 are entitled to feel a bit more weary at 68 perhaps?!? ;-)

I'd like yo be surplus to requirements sometimes.

This is the second or third post I’ve read recently where I assumed the writer was in the 80s, only to discover they are the same age as me.

OP, as others have said, 68 is not particularly old, and unless you have health or mobility problems, there must be many things you could do with your family. My about to be 76 year old husband is going kayaking with some of ours this weekend, and we’re all off to a theme park next week, for example.

I don’t drink sherry. I’ve been exploring a range of white rums recently though.

LittleToothill

I’m very blessed , I’ve got 4 adult children aged 47-33 and 7 , soon to be 8 grandchildren . However when we have family get togethers I now feel like the stereotypical grandma sat in a chair in the corner with a glass of sherry falling asleep ! . I know this is probably the order of things now I’m 68 but I don’t like this change of my status

My family like to do games and adventures , most of which I wouldn’t or can’t do , but I do sometimes feel excluded , although I’m sure my gang don’t intend for me to be . And to be honest after a full family day together I’m usually more exhausted than I care to admit

I know the issue is mine & I need to accept my twilight years with ‘ good grace’ & my hubby is less bothered about this than I am , but I really don’t like feeling like a spare part

I’m a very sensitive soul & I just wondered if others have felt like I do now ?

Twilight years!! At 68! Good god

We have been on two 3 generation holidays this year.

I am 67, have been down numerous water slides, including rapids, raced go carts, walked miles (all terrains) along with riding on a multitude of fairground rides, been to a pop concert at the O2.

There is no chance of my AC or GC letting me sit in the corner.

P.S. I like sherry, must be fino and over ice.

MOnica put it succinctly.
It’s very telling that you use the phrase twilight years
I’m 78 and I can hear my daughters voice shouting no mum when my granddaughter calls me to try some athletic thing in the garden.
My only beef with the family is that they’re not fans of charades as I love it.

keepingquiet

Swap the sherry for a few shots- that'll do the trick!

😄😄😄

It's always difficult to accept that our lives can change beyond our control and are not what we planned/wished for, whether it's health problems, being made redundant, or just age catching up with us.

68 is a tad early to be talking about your twilight years 😄 I'm 68 too and yes, I take things a bit slower now, and have to sometimes say no when I would really like to say yes. But it will be some time before I sit in the corner with a sherry.

Why are you sitting in your armchair falling asleep? You sound a bit bored. Take a walk around the room, talk to people, watch the games from the sidelines and cheer them on. Leave a little earlier if necessary, or arrive slightly later

I’m 67 and I wouldn’t be allowed to sit in the corner ! My family have me on the floor playing games, make believe shops, schools etc. DH is also on the floor with me. The parents are the ones sat in the corner having a well deserved break.

But grand children are only part of your life, then there is all the things you do the rest of the time. Life always has ebbs and flows.

In some ways I do feel surplus to requirements but heading towards late 70s I find I don't mind. My DiL and I have good chats and still asks for my opinions and we're still included for a meal on occasion which suits us fine. My daughter and family live fairly near us and we tend to keep up on news via WhatsApp which, I have to say, suits me fine. When it comes to my eldest granddaughter and her partner they live with us and do things separately but we are kept in their loop and it's surprisingly relaxing to have them around - and I love hearing about their day and get asked for an opinion from time to time.

68? You are a spring chicken! You say My family like to do games and adventures , most of which I wouldn’t or can’t do

What do you mean by that? Play board games? Go bungee jumping? If you wouldn't do things, then you are the one cutting yourself off from your family, not them from you.

You sound rather passive. Why not make suggestions about things to do that can involve you all. Unless you have health problems, you can improve your fitness so that you can join them on walks. This can be done by daily walks, gradually building up the distance until you can walk several miles. Something like Tai Chi will help build up balance and flexibility. With grandchildren still being born there must be babies and toddlers in the family, so many of the activities must be of a kind that includes them.

I think you need to be more pro-active and involved in planning what your family do, joining in and suggesting ideas that everyone can enjoy.

I am 80 and as for feel like the stereotypical grandma sat in a chair in the corner with a glass of sherry falling asleep I have still to reach that stage nor have I reached a point where I feel that this is probably the order of things nor do I ever intend to.

I agree with trying to see the families separately to catch up on news, mind you, you have to remember who told you what! At 68 I was still dishing up for 12 on a Sunday, now 77 it is all a bit slower and actually quite fun to sit and watch them all.

My niche at family gatherings is being the one who makes apple crumble and custard, rice pudding and porridge. I also carry a pack of cards so can play snap or rummy with anyone who would like a quiet five minutes. I also carry five dice as I find them really useful for impromptu games, very handy in restaurants.
Find your own niche, and I’ll join you with a glass of ginger beer please.

Swap the sherry for a few shots- that'll do the trick!

Mizuna, borad games are my bugbear- and I feel just like you. they play games which are so so complicated with incredibly difficult rules, that last for hours on end. And neither of us enjoy them at all. But we are lucky that we are fit and active and do all the fun things outside with them.

Of course we are no longer 'needed' as such, but I am so happy to say we never feel 'surplus to requirement'- and would feel very sad if we did.

loopyloo

Avoid the sherry is my advice. 68 is still comparatively young these days!
Enjoy these family parties while they last. Soon the DGC will be teenagers and off out and away.
As ever, the advice is to work on your own quality of life.
Look after yourself!

Ask for a glass of cold white wine or a G&T😁Join in the conversation more.
You can only be grannyinthecorner if you allow yourself to be.
It’s a family gathering so will be all ages there, nothing wrong with that.
I’m looking forward to not having to host everyone and constantly cook and do things tbh.
Where outings and games are concerned just do the ones that suit you.