Anyone else feel surplus to requirements ?

Can you not try and join in a little more. I had lots of energy at 68. Now at 78 it is harder but I try to be proactive. I do flop when it is over.

I think it is natural to feel a loss of status as you get older. For so long, you've been running the family, in charge of arrangements and now, what? The family have taken over! I think it's a tribute to the way you have brought them up. Make a niche for yourself as the Elder Stateswoman.

Thank you for your lovely comment . I will try to be more Regal maybe 🤣🤣🤣

My MiL found that at large family gatherings she had no chance to really talk to anyone. Have you tried seeing each little family on their own? You should be pleased that everyone gets on so well - you did a good job.

I went into our local town yesterday and saw many younger people who just looked so unfamiliar to me in both face and dress. I got the bus home and sat near a person with a very loud voice on a 'phone who went on for half an hour about a gold bag. I do not recognise my town anymore so seek company and comfort in areas which are familiar. It is a changing world. It is nice to shut my door at night.

Ah yes.... Elder Stateswoman .... that's me!
I have had a raft of health problems recently which hammer home the change in role and status. But I have my place. I happened to be at DDs one day when GS returned from a trip ... he crashed in, flung down his bag and said with a big smile "It's great to be home, and Mama (that's me) is in the corner sewing... wonderful!" A different role, but one that seems to be appreciated ..... !

My family play lots of board games and I can't get my head round anything except Scrabble so I always have in my backpack a puzzle book or knitting and enjoy sitting on my son's comfy sofa in the corner listening to their chatter, delighting in what I've produced family-wise. I'm 71 and don't feel at all worn out (or left out) yet, I'm just useless at games. Love the Elder Stateswoman comment! 😁

Avoid the sherry is my advice. 68 is still comparatively young these days!
Enjoy these family parties while they last. Soon the DGC will be teenagers and off out and away.
As ever, the advice is to work on your own quality of life.
Look after yourself!

I’m happy to hand over the reigns to my children and GC to organise things, days out get togethers holidays etc. I’m 76 and although I can join in with most things I do get exhausted watching them sometimes. I make it a mission to have a quick quiet chat with those I don’t see too often including new partners. Be happy that they get on and they include you as in too many families ‘oldies’ are left out or forgotten.

Absolutely agree with the posters here - our roles will change as we age : our importance does not.
Enjoy the time with the family and be the Wise Woman in the corner with the sherry
(mines a G&T ) .

It’s tricky…..and I agree it’s the changing roles and we have to take a bit of a back seat until we are needed ( love that bit). But the children became grownups in their own rights and it’s hard for us being the older folk. There is some lovely dignity to be gleaned, not my forte as mine would soon say so.

loopyloo

Avoid the sherry is my advice. 68 is still comparatively young these days!
Enjoy these family parties while they last. Soon the DGC will be teenagers and off out and away.
As ever, the advice is to work on your own quality of life.
Look after yourself!

Ask for a glass of cold white wine or a G&T😁Join in the conversation more.
You can only be grannyinthecorner if you allow yourself to be.
It’s a family gathering so will be all ages there, nothing wrong with that.
I’m looking forward to not having to host everyone and constantly cook and do things tbh.
Where outings and games are concerned just do the ones that suit you.

Mizuna, borad games are my bugbear- and I feel just like you. they play games which are so so complicated with incredibly difficult rules, that last for hours on end. And neither of us enjoy them at all. But we are lucky that we are fit and active and do all the fun things outside with them.

Of course we are no longer 'needed' as such, but I am so happy to say we never feel 'surplus to requirement'- and would feel very sad if we did.

Swap the sherry for a few shots- that'll do the trick!

My niche at family gatherings is being the one who makes apple crumble and custard, rice pudding and porridge. I also carry a pack of cards so can play snap or rummy with anyone who would like a quiet five minutes. I also carry five dice as I find them really useful for impromptu games, very handy in restaurants.
Find your own niche, and I’ll join you with a glass of ginger beer please.

I agree with trying to see the families separately to catch up on news, mind you, you have to remember who told you what! At 68 I was still dishing up for 12 on a Sunday, now 77 it is all a bit slower and actually quite fun to sit and watch them all.

68? You are a spring chicken! You say My family like to do games and adventures , most of which I wouldn’t or can’t do

What do you mean by that? Play board games? Go bungee jumping? If you wouldn't do things, then you are the one cutting yourself off from your family, not them from you.

You sound rather passive. Why not make suggestions about things to do that can involve you all. Unless you have health problems, you can improve your fitness so that you can join them on walks. This can be done by daily walks, gradually building up the distance until you can walk several miles. Something like Tai Chi will help build up balance and flexibility. With grandchildren still being born there must be babies and toddlers in the family, so many of the activities must be of a kind that includes them.

I think you need to be more pro-active and involved in planning what your family do, joining in and suggesting ideas that everyone can enjoy.

I am 80 and as for feel like the stereotypical grandma sat in a chair in the corner with a glass of sherry falling asleep I have still to reach that stage nor have I reached a point where I feel that this is probably the order of things nor do I ever intend to.

In some ways I do feel surplus to requirements but heading towards late 70s I find I don't mind. My DiL and I have good chats and still asks for my opinions and we're still included for a meal on occasion which suits us fine. My daughter and family live fairly near us and we tend to keep up on news via WhatsApp which, I have to say, suits me fine. When it comes to my eldest granddaughter and her partner they live with us and do things separately but we are kept in their loop and it's surprisingly relaxing to have them around - and I love hearing about their day and get asked for an opinion from time to time.

But grand children are only part of your life, then there is all the things you do the rest of the time. Life always has ebbs and flows.

I’m 67 and I wouldn’t be allowed to sit in the corner ! My family have me on the floor playing games, make believe shops, schools etc. DH is also on the floor with me. The parents are the ones sat in the corner having a well deserved break.

It's always difficult to accept that our lives can change beyond our control and are not what we planned/wished for, whether it's health problems, being made redundant, or just age catching up with us.

68 is a tad early to be talking about your twilight years 😄 I'm 68 too and yes, I take things a bit slower now, and have to sometimes say no when I would really like to say yes. But it will be some time before I sit in the corner with a sherry.

Why are you sitting in your armchair falling asleep? You sound a bit bored. Take a walk around the room, talk to people, watch the games from the sidelines and cheer them on. Leave a little earlier if necessary, or arrive slightly later

keepingquiet

Swap the sherry for a few shots- that'll do the trick!

😄😄😄

MOnica put it succinctly.
It’s very telling that you use the phrase twilight years
I’m 78 and I can hear my daughters voice shouting no mum when my granddaughter calls me to try some athletic thing in the garden.
My only beef with the family is that they’re not fans of charades as I love it.

We have been on two 3 generation holidays this year.

I am 67, have been down numerous water slides, including rapids, raced go carts, walked miles (all terrains) along with riding on a multitude of fairground rides, been to a pop concert at the O2.

There is no chance of my AC or GC letting me sit in the corner.

P.S. I like sherry, must be fino and over ice.