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Grandparenting

Anyone else feel surplus to requirements ?

(87 Posts)
dogsmother Fri 16-Aug-24 09:20:56

It’s tricky…..and I agree it’s the changing roles and we have to take a bit of a back seat until we are needed ( love that bit). But the children became grownups in their own rights and it’s hard for us being the older folk. There is some lovely dignity to be gleaned, not my forte as mine would soon say so.

Chocolatelovinggran Fri 16-Aug-24 08:56:04

Absolutely agree with the posters here - our roles will change as we age : our importance does not.
Enjoy the time with the family and be the Wise Woman in the corner with the sherry
(mines a G&T ) .

tanith Fri 16-Aug-24 08:52:24

I’m happy to hand over the reigns to my children and GC to organise things, days out get togethers holidays etc. I’m 76 and although I can join in with most things I do get exhausted watching them sometimes. I make it a mission to have a quick quiet chat with those I don’t see too often including new partners. Be happy that they get on and they include you as in too many families ‘oldies’ are left out or forgotten.

loopyloo Fri 16-Aug-24 08:51:39

Avoid the sherry is my advice. 68 is still comparatively young these days!
Enjoy these family parties while they last. Soon the DGC will be teenagers and off out and away.
As ever, the advice is to work on your own quality of life.
Look after yourself!

Mizuna Fri 16-Aug-24 08:49:57

My family play lots of board games and I can't get my head round anything except Scrabble so I always have in my backpack a puzzle book or knitting and enjoy sitting on my son's comfy sofa in the corner listening to their chatter, delighting in what I've produced family-wise. I'm 71 and don't feel at all worn out (or left out) yet, I'm just useless at games. Love the Elder Stateswoman comment! 😁

Luckygirl3 Fri 16-Aug-24 08:49:27

Ah yes.... Elder Stateswoman .... that's me!
I have had a raft of health problems recently which hammer home the change in role and status. But I have my place. I happened to be at DDs one day when GS returned from a trip ... he crashed in, flung down his bag and said with a big smile "It's great to be home, and Mama (that's me) is in the corner sewing... wonderful!" A different role, but one that seems to be appreciated ..... !

Tuaim Fri 16-Aug-24 08:41:14

I went into our local town yesterday and saw many younger people who just looked so unfamiliar to me in both face and dress. I got the bus home and sat near a person with a very loud voice on a 'phone who went on for half an hour about a gold bag. I do not recognise my town anymore so seek company and comfort in areas which are familiar. It is a changing world. It is nice to shut my door at night.

Imarocker Fri 16-Aug-24 08:39:13

My MiL found that at large family gatherings she had no chance to really talk to anyone. Have you tried seeing each little family on their own? You should be pleased that everyone gets on so well - you did a good job.

LittleToothill Fri 16-Aug-24 08:23:59

Thank you for your lovely comment . I will try to be more Regal maybe 🤣🤣🤣

Grandmabatty Fri 16-Aug-24 08:19:00

I think it is natural to feel a loss of status as you get older. For so long, you've been running the family, in charge of arrangements and now, what? The family have taken over! I think it's a tribute to the way you have brought them up. Make a niche for yourself as the Elder Stateswoman.

dragonfly46 Fri 16-Aug-24 08:04:57

Can you not try and join in a little more. I had lots of energy at 68. Now at 78 it is harder but I try to be proactive. I do flop when it is over.

LittleToothill Fri 16-Aug-24 07:53:51

I’m very blessed , I’ve got 4 adult children aged 47-33 and 7 , soon to be 8 grandchildren . However when we have family get togethers I now feel like the stereotypical grandma sat in a chair in the corner with a glass of sherry falling asleep ! . I know this is probably the order of things now I’m 68 but I don’t like this change of my status

My family like to do games and adventures , most of which I wouldn’t or can’t do , but I do sometimes feel excluded , although I’m sure my gang don’t intend for me to be . And to be honest after a full family day together I’m usually more exhausted than I care to admit

I know the issue is mine & I need to accept my twilight years with ‘ good grace’ & my hubby is less bothered about this than I am , but I really don’t like feeling like a spare part

I’m a very sensitive soul & I just wondered if others have felt like I do now ?