Haven't been allowed to see new grandson yet

Yes, times change. Previous generations just "got on with it" and did as they were told. Nowadays we appreciate the need for respect for the new parents and we don't just assume that the new mum is well enough to welcome all and sundry in the first few hours or even days. And much depends on how many likely visitors there might be and their personalities. My DD knew she had very sensible parents and in-laws and knew we would not stay long at all, so we saw our GCs almost at once - fortunately both births went well. Other rellies were invited as they saw fit, with GGparents next on the list - also sensible people.

But I do understand the disappointment if you are told to wait and in some ways I think it is cruel. BUT, new parents are just that new, and one day they will be bursting to see their own Grandchildren and understand how you felt all those years ago. Meanwhile, don't make an issue, try not to be upset, just bide your time.

The suggestions of photos, whatsapp etc are of course excellent. Congratulations, and look forward to being more involved pretty soon.

In years gone by, before mobile phones and instant pics, there was no other way to see a new baby than to go and visit in person. It’s very tiring to have to welcome visitors when you desperately want to catch up on sleep!! Surely the new parents will now be bombarding you with photos and videos?

TiggyW

In years gone by, before mobile phones and instant pics, there was no other way to see a new baby than to go and visit in person. It’s very tiring to have to welcome visitors when you desperately want to catch up on sleep!! Surely the new parents will now be bombarding you with photos and videos?

However we are not talking about 'visitors' here we are
talking about Grandparents.
I find it very strange that they should be excluded from
seeing a newborn in 'the family' because that is what it is.
This 'bonding' business seems like a 'new fad' to me and
may well turn out , in the long run , to be just that. Having
your nearest relatives actively showing their love for the
newborn is as natural as giving birth. As we all know the
'joy and miracle' of birth changes soon enough when the
reality of life steps up and then help is welcome so why
push others way?

away

The new thing in the US, if you have a doula, is NO visitors for 30 days. No exceptions. I have to say when my babies were born, rude relatives and their children would “drop by” asking if they could hold my newborn child. Often not holding the babies head properly. I was not feeling great and was so relieved when they left. My MIL was coarse and loud, I really wished I would have set some boundaries on visitors. When my grandchildren were born, I never pushed to see them. I waited until my kids bonded with their newborns and we were invited. Even then, we stayed a minimal amount of time. Hang in there you’ll see that precious baby soon ❤️

Except the grandparents ARE visitors. Unless they live there there via it it’s and frankly for many they’re an exhausting intrusion. I know back in the time my own children were born , as much as I loved my mother her visits were just that - visits. And I was tired , and sore and wanted nothing more than to hold my own baby and be left in peace with my own family (just myself , husband and children). In todays works of more equitable paternity leave for fathers new mums don’t need the help often and how wonderful for them for it! For bothr the new parents to be able to shut out the world the first few precious weeks and recover and heal and be able to focus on nothing but their own brand new family ! Grandparents need to accept the idea that they aren’t immediate family and wait if that’s what the mum and dad want. Truly. We’ve now seven grands and another on the way and depending on the wants of the new parents we’ve met them all from next day to a few weeks later and I promise we have just as close a relationship with them all! More importantly respecting the parents wishes means we have a wonderful close relationship ship with them too - built on respect for them as parents themselves not entitlement

I told my 50+ year old daughter today about this thread and the many others like it, and she could hardly believe how things have changed. She was horrified that grandparents would be kept at bay.
A certain relative-by-marriage has a little boy aged 4. She has been so keen on keeping their little family in a cocoon that the child hardly spoke and did not know how to interact with other children or adults when he started nursery last year. That really is taking the idea too far! She doesn’t usually reprimand him either, or if she does, she apologises to him later.

Cabbie she wouldn't have had a choice, we were in lockdown

Yes, for a while, but even when restrictions were lifted she kept him Isolated , for no medical reasons.

Maybe staying away from judgemental eyes and has her own support system

Maybe because I live in Europe where Families and extended
families are a way of life I find this idea of 'cocooning'
quite unnatural. The 'nuclear' family is not a great idea .

Someone up thread said grandparents are extended family.
To me the nuclear family consists of parents and children, then grandparents are immediate family followed by aunts uncles cousins etc as extended family. What do others think?

As to meeting new babies I was unwell when my first gc was born so had to wait a few days to see her, in special care at the hospital. I don’t think we stayed too long but it was wonderful to see her.
I missed her first Christmas too, as I was still unwell, but it’s
all forgotten now though disappointing at the time.

Whatever the "rules" are, if the new parents don't feel it, it's not going to happen.

My parents and my in-laws (although loved dearly) were definitely "secondary" family as far as we were concerned -"immediate" family was just us and our babies/children.

You are so lucky living close by and as time goes on they will be so glad of your help - but currently they just need some time to themselves and that's their choice. Don't give them a hard time about it or mention it as upsetting you, just wait as patiently as you can. This is probably only the first of many things they will want to do differently from how you'd like...

You are right, they haven't bought a pet or possession. But they have brought a new life into the world. No one knows what the birth was like except the new mum, no one knows how the parents are feeling right now. They could be overwhelmed by everything that is happening. No one has the right to demand to see the new baby, not even the Grandparents. It's like the new thing when the inlaws, Aunties, and everyone else want to be in the delivery room. Birth and taking time with your newborn is NOT a spectator sport. Some parents are fine to share their newborn immediately, some are not. It is their choice and everyone else has to respect that choice.

Expressing one's sadness at not being able to see a new GC, isn't saying one has a right to demand that they do so.

Smileless2012

Expressing one's sadness at not being able to see a new GC, isn't saying one has a right to demand that they do so.

Indeed, Smiless

When my children were born 40ish years ago, new mothers stayed in hospital for 10 days, with only fathers being allowed to visit, except for weekend afternoons. Maybe it's because nowadays the norm is to be home by at least the next day that new parents feel the need to be alone with their newborn.

I know I would hate to have had to cope with visitors (even close family) in the days immediately after giving birth.

This seems to be a fad that so-called modern parents are going through. It is a selfish attitude. Sadly, no matter what you do or think, they will carry on without care or consideration for anyone else.
We had dd, her dh and our one year old Grandson to visit. It was the first time we had seen him. I picked him up when he crawled to me and he was snatched out of my arms. My dh managed one quick cuddle. They stayed with us for a week, took advantage of our hospitality, then left us wondering why they came. Heartbreaking, as it is the grandchildren who will miss out, ultimately.
We have had to come to terms all over again with lack of contact with our Grandson.
I pray that your daughter will see sense very soon and stop this ridiculous behaviour.

This makes me a bit sad. I was at the birth of my Granddaughter and pretty much saw her every day in the ensuing weeks. Routines are all very well - but family support and bonding is so important too. We now have a very happy and confident little girl who is happy to come and stay with us while her Mum does errands, and we know her routines inside out and so can stick to those.

My family had no choice and my mother was very much a part of our life. I had to go back to work four weeks after giving birth because of the high mortgage rates and my mother was going to be my child's soul/sole carer during those early times. If I had presented her with the modern approach, she would have told be to go and do one!

Honestly I think a lot of young women these days are so self centred. I wonder if she’ll be pushing you away when she needs a babysitter?
Nothing you can do, I feel sorry for you.

Bluefox

Honestly I think a lot of young women these days are so self centred. I wonder if she’ll be pushing you away when she needs a babysitter?
Nothing you can do, I feel sorry for you.

You think the woman who just went through a major medical event is the selfish one??

Bluefox

Honestly I think a lot of young women these days are so self centred. I wonder if she’ll be pushing you away when she needs a babysitter?
Nothing you can do, I feel sorry for you.

Hang on.

Are you saying that if a woman who’s just given birth doesn’t prioritize other people and what they want over what she needs, she’d better not ask for help at a later date?

If that’s the price that needs to be paid, definitely finding a sitter is cheaper.