DIL obsessed with healthy diet for child

This is in the news today.

It's not entirely new info but there's a lot about it today - the first 1000 days (from in utero) is very important for a healthy life.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c93qlyp42jyo.amp

Notjustaprettyface

My daughter in law and my son have a beautiful little girl aged 19 months
I try to look after her once a week , she is lovely
My son is completely under the influence of his wife
She is obsessed with feeding the little girl only healthy foods
So my granddaughter is not allowed sugary snacks ever
I think it is good to have a healthy diet and I agree children should not have too many sugary snacks but my DIl is taking it too far
When I look after my grandaughter for the afternoon like I did today , I am told to not give her any snacks
We shared a calippo and she stained her cardigan so my DIL told me off by text
I am in a dilemna : I want to see my granddaughter but I can’t have this fear that I cannot give her a biscuit or a little cupcake in the afternoon
I respect my DIL and DS ´s choices of what they want their child to eat etc but surely I ve got to have the flexibility of feeding my grandchild the odd treat especially as it is a maximum of once a week
What do you think ?
What would you do ?
My daughter says I should stop looking after the child altogether
I am lost and deeply upset

No?

Your not the parent it’s not your choice

I would just abide by parents wishes unless you want problems. We all parent differently and most of these child grow up healty and will their own choises.

I had 5 Fleurpepper, I think I was pretty controlling for all of them.

Mt61

The mother could be setting the kid up with a major eating disorder when they get older, I know as the same thing happened to my sister & myself.

Of course you have to follow the parents' wishes- but modern parents do have ridiculous lists as long as 3 arms- especially for first child, a little less for second, and none for the rest. It just goes too far, and obsession of any kind is rarely good. Neither is this obsession for controlling absolutely everything. Like so many things, gone from sublime to ridiculous- from MIL being over bearing, to adult children being über controlling, and obsessive. Ah well.

There is no need for children to be given sweet drinks and food, much the same as us.

My daughter started off strict, and thought that made it less likely the children would develop a sweet tooth as they grew older.

They're just the same as anyone else, though, and the younger ones first word was "jam"

What happens when the birthday parties at nursery etc start?
There will probably be cake, biscuits and other sweet stuff and, of course, goody bags full of sweets.

My Sister in law hosted a party for her girls and a neighbour dropped her daughter off saying “she doesn’t eat chocolate or sweets”. One of the kids was opening a bag of maltesers and it split and they rolled everywhere. That child was like a wild thing trying to stuff them in her mouth.

Both sets of grandparents often brought Jelly Tots 😱 or Milky Bars or Jaffa Cakes for my kids as a treat. I made sure they always cleaned their teeth whatever they ate. They are now in their 40s. Never had an extraction in their lives, one has never even had a filling and the other has had just one. They were always praised by the dentist for looking after their teeth.

My friend has just retired having been a dentist all her life and she will only let her many grandchildren drink water as she says fruit juice is equally bad.

MissAdventure

I'm sure she's fine.
It has been quite a while now...

Probably nonplussed to see all the ‘snarkiness’ resurrected by an apparent supporter.

I would always respect my DIL's wishes on everything relating to our small grandchildren.

I may not always agree but would do as she asked. That goes for everything - food, naps etc. Ideas change over the years e.g. when mine were small we were told to lie babies on their front to sleep, now it is lie babies on their back. I would probably say this in passing but would never do it my way just to make a point.

I feel very privileged that my DIL trusts me (and my DH) to look after our precious grandchildren. It makes me happy to know that they are confident to leave us in sole charge of them

I'm sure she's fine.
It has been quite a while now...

My God what a bunch of nasty snarky people on here! I wish the OP hadn't bothered posting.

100% you have to follow their wishes. Refined sugar & Gluten are just so horrible. Fruit can be a wonderful treat. You can also research some fun healthy snacks and learn how to prepare them. It is possible.
My mother pooh poohed everything from breast feeding, sleeping practices to healthy foods. She never respected me as a mother and pushed all the judgy buttons.
I have chosen to break that cycle, and totally respect my daughters and all of their wishes. It is working out well. Embrace her parenting style and do what she asks of you.
Remember, it is a privilege to spend time with other people's children, and you will lose that privilege if you do those children harm in their parent's eyes.

My parents grew up in the war. They had no sweets and that generation often saw them as such a treat that when rationing ended they loved giving them to children every time they saw them. My mum is nearly 90 now though. I’d have thought things would have moved on from that way of thinking.

My 5 children didn't have sweets (or junkfood) either.
Luckily they haven't grown up to be "outliers".

I agree with mickeysmiles A preoccupation with giving a baby sweets is troubling.

I wasn't allowed sweets, really.
A bite of an apple and a drink of water was my treat, while we had "listen with mother" on the radio.
I haven't had any issues with food, except my own greediness.

mickeysmiles

Most healthy people who weren't stuffed with sugary junk growing up don't develop eating disorders. Outliers aren't a good enough reason initiate a junk food craving for someone so young. Avoiding it fairly easy. It doesn't require an obsession to do so with a 19 month old. A preoccupation with giving a baby sweets is troubling.

I never got any sweets growing up, 1/2 apple at supper & that was my treat- only once I got to school the problems began

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mickeysmiles

This has to be the most silly, petulant, immature post a grandmother could make. You are willing to not see your own grandchild because you can't give her junk? Do you always manufacture goofy "problems" like this? A 19 month old doesn't need to develop a taste for sugary junk food. If you feel you have no other way of building a connection other than a sugar bribe, maybe you really should't be regular childcare. Or maybe you have control issues and you can't cope with the fact that you aren't in charge when it comes to this child. In either case, you are objectively your own problem. Please grow up.

It was the lady’s daughter that suggested not to have the grandchild not the poster. I feel a little sorry for the grandmother Tbh

I get that all day long, no sugar for babies & toddlers (our grand son ate no treats until he was four) now gets the odd treat. My mum constantly banged on about healthy eating all my life, where I ended up guilty as hell for eating anything sweet. I ended up with anorexia & later on bulimia- & she’s still on about my weigh & healthy eating nearly 60 😩 My husband will say, “how old are you”
That was my point not to be obsessive about it

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I think that's what was decided.
Strange way of behaving, but then, well, people are strange.

I just put up with my girl restricting my grandsons diet, and silently cheered when he found the sweetie store cupboard and helped himself.

She's their child so you go by their rules..doesn't matter what you feel about it, it's not your choice. They aren't starving her, they want her to eat a healthy diet. you don't have to like it, you just have to do it. If you feel you cant, that you just have to give her a cupcake, chocolate, sugary drink then don't look after her.

My daughter was the same and I found it best to follow the way she did things,I would check what they had at home and bought the same kind of thing. Now the children are older and are allowed some treats I get to spoil them a bit more. When they come to stay my daughter laughingly tells them grandmas house grandmas rules. What happens at grandmas house stays at grandmas house. They get great joy in telling her if they have had treats and she pretends to be cross with me. Just go along with it what she wants things might change.

Notjustaprettyface

Well , thank you all for your very unpleasant and nasty comments
Gosh ! I never imagined people could be as nasty as that
It’s a wonder I am still alive after all this shooting down
It must be nice to be as perfect as you all are
Sadly , God didn’t make me like this
You all missed the point that once in a while , it couldn’t do any harm
That is common sense
Yes I was hoping you would agree with me but it wasn’t to be
I wish you well with your wonderful healthy GCs and even more wonderful DILs
I will now close this debate

I think you mean you’ll ignore all the well meant advice and outraged Grans that you deliberately ignored your DiL instructions about her baby.

It’s irrelevant whether it’s once a week or every day, Mum and Dad want their baby to be given age appropriate healthy food…. Cannot see the issue here

Mt61

The mother could be setting the kid up with a major eating disorder when they get older, I know as the same thing happened to my sister & myself.

She’s a TODDLER! She shouldn’t be having any crap at that age!

Once she starts nursery no doubt there will be sweet sugary treats and she will have them. In the meantime all power to Mum!