Taken for granted?

I thought it was bonding time with baby she grew and birthed?
I also understood that it it is now advised not to have visitors?

All things I've read on here, of course.

Sometimes it seems GPs can't win. We moan if we don't see our GC and then moan if we spend too much time with them.

Yes, I also had little help with my two but expectations were different then and I didn't work for three years.

If one day a week is getting too much- bearing in mind the GC will be starting school in the near future- then why not speak to DD about it?

Maybe half day- or maybe offer to go there one day a week to help out with both kids and chores? Why do they have to come to you?

There are all kinds of solutions to this issue (I don't see it as a problem really).

I would have had a lot more sympathy but for your assuming she shouldn't need help whilst on mat leave? It isn't a holday a others have said.

Some people seem to think parents are unable to manage without help - it goes both ways

How many threads are posted when help is rejected by new parents

I have been looking after my granddaughter who is almost three for one day a week and although it can feel like a chore at times I enjoy looking after her and miss her when I don't see her for a week. My advice is to cherish this time as it passes very quickly and before you know it they are starting nursery or school, but if you feel it is really too much then it is important to have that conversation with your daughter.

With the comment of maternity leave is: It is not a vacation! Just the opposite
It could be the hardest time of a woman's life! Recovering from birth, lack of sleep, taking care of a newborn plus other kids and rest of responsibilities, etc.

Then I refer you to "We have to assume that the expectant parents considered all angles of how they were going to cope with a 2nd child. If they didn't; that was irresponsible and is down to them to resolve by paying for child care."

This may possibly come as a shock to you but this isn't the first generation to ever have more than one child to care for! For many of our generation we didn't have the support of parents stepping in to help. Nor did we have husbands or partners who were entitled to paid paternity leave; we were lucky if they got a few days with us. The lack of sleep, taking care of a newborn plus other kids and rest of responsibilities, etc is nothing new; it's no more difficult now than it ever was! We just had to get on with it and be grateful if a grandparent could pop in from time to time. Deciding to expand your family is big decision and the responsibility for their ongoing care is your responsibility alone. If you can't cope; don't have more children. You have no entitlement to your parents taking over routine child care on a regular basis. Any assistance you do get is a bonus to be grateful for.

MissAdventure

Just because one person thinks one way, it doesn't for a second mean everyone else has to follow suit.

Love every minute? Well knock yourself out and go for it.

There's no right or wrong.

Presumably not one single person is in exactly the same circumstances as the original poster.

Exactly. I wouldn't have chosen to have to look after my GS as much as I have, but there was no other option. Some people love looking after their grandchildren - I know several who do it almost Monday to Friday - but equally, there are others who don't enjoy it. If you have the choice, it's up to you what route you go down.

Why do some think grandparents seem to be obligated to be a full time or regular babysitting service on certain days!!

**It's not a matter of whether we love our g'kids more or less.....

We have a life too!!!

IF you want to do it, FINE!! IF not... DON'T !! --and don't feel guilty!! Hugsss~~

Just because one person thinks one way, it doesn't for a second mean everyone else has to follow suit.

Love every minute? Well knock yourself out and go for it.

There's no right or wrong.

Presumably not one single person is in exactly the same circumstances as the original poster.

I do cringe at all the help parents seem to need nowadays, in fact, for quite a number of years. Yes the GS may enjoy time with GPs when baby arrives. There is though the other side, he may wonder why he is not allowed to stay with his DM but the new baby is. With all this explaining and negotiating with young children that is considered necessary by some, what if the 3 year old says he wants to stay with DM. Why can't the parent's cope with a baby and a 3 year old? What would they do if no GPs available? They would have to cope.

I totally agree with ROSIEMAW.
It was a privilege to look after both my grandchildren while my daughter worked. I had them 2/3 days a week and loved every minute of it. I was NOT taken advantage of as she always respected that I could and would do my own thing.
I really don't see a problem with one day a week to allow your daughter to get over the birth and into a new routine, unless, of course your husband's ill health is a problem in which case you should tell her.
When they were both at secondary school near me I often got a call to see if I was in and they would call round.
I miss that now as they are both older and no longer attend school/college.
Try to enjoy that precious time you have with you grandchildren - it flies by so soon.

Make it clear her children are her responsability. Take a break book a holiday and enjoy retirement

With the comment of maternity leave is:
It is not a vacation! Just the opposite

It could be the hardest time of a woman's life! Recovering from birth, lack of sleep, taking care of a newborn plus other kids and rest of responsibilities, etc.

Grunty, I think you have misunderstood that comment

hithere However, the implication that "she is on maternity leave", she is not working will nor sit well at all.
She will be busier than ever now with two kids.

I found this comment quite amusing! So often on here we see posters advising that grandparents shouldn't have any expectations of visiting privileges, particularly following a birth, and that we should give the new parents "time to bond with their new baby". There is often a flurry of posters who insist that young families are incredibly busy, and asking them to make time in their busy schedules for granny and grandpa to visit them is just another drain on their valuable time. And yet here we have grandparents who have 7 other grandchildren to spend time with, an ailing grandfather and a grandmother who is just tired and feeling that she doesn't have much more to give at the moment. We have to assume that the expectant parents considered all angles of how they were going to cope with a 2nd child. If they didn't; that was irresponsible and is down to them to resolve by paying for child care. If they expected that the extra burden of child care would be borne by the grandparents, then they had no more rights to do that than the grandparents who expect to see their grandchildren but are told "no sorry, we're too busy". It cuts both ways.

I have two friends at the moment in the same position as you. One looks after their two year old three afternoons a week, the other two full days.
For what it’s worth I think my friends situations are too much, they frequently complain about being tired.
I think your daughter should ask you at least, so you don’t feel so taken for granted.
It might be a good idea though to keep the little one in the same routine, although maybe a later start and earlier pick up.
And if you want to go off on holiday it shouldn’t be a problem. In fact I’d be off somewhere while you can.

Literarylover, now is the time for you to tell your dd that you will be there for emergencies but not for regular childminding. It is your time now, time to spend with your DH

My AC never ever took me foregranted, they arranged childcare on a paid basis via nursery and they did the taking and picking up.

My Dgc have always had a close and loving relationship with me and my husband and I always managed to step in if there was illness. I am widowed now and will forever cherish the days me and we spent together, going out, going on holiday, carefree

OP look at your own priorities now and remember that it was your DDs choice to have children and your choice to marry your husband, for better or for worse.

I agree with RosiesMaw absolutely- how lucky you are to have the opportunity to make a firm bond with your grandson- stay with it - please.

Some of us had no option but to help care for our grandchildren. It isn't always a question of parents being 'entitled'.

When I had my first baby my mum was still working. When she did retire it was made very clear that apart from occasional babysitting or days out she was not going to be a permanent babysitter. I would never have expected her to.

I don't think you are being selfish, but I think you need to sit and have a serious chat with your daughter and her partner. Are they assuming that you will also look after the new baby when she goes back to work?

I don't know how old you are but at my age, 65, and with dodgy ankles I wouldn't want to spend my time chasing a toddler.

Maybe straight after the new baby arrives, but, maybe.

I had three children and just got on with it. Childminders, nurseries etc., all played a part in my children's lives.

Bear in mind that the three year old will probably be jealous of the baby, and be happier to get away from him or her for his usual day with you and his grand-dad.

However, if it is getting to be too much for you, now is the time to discuss this with your daughter.

Why are so many British grandparents looking after their grandchildren? It seems so strange to me, as no-one expects this of grandparents in Denmark, and no-one ever explains whether there is a shortage of nurseries in Britain, or are they too expensive?

My DMiL looked after all four of my children when I went back to work as she said it gave her something to get out of bed for. I only worked one and a half days for several years and my Dh was at home in the morning to get the kids to school, so it was only a couple of hours each day. We made sure we showed our appreciation, and paid some of her bills. I now look after my own dad three days a week, and love every minute of our time together as she’ll soon be off to nursery.

Ilovecheese

When my daughters were on maternity leave, they would come round to ours one day a week with the children. I really enjoyed those days, and it was a help to my girls, maternity leave can be a bit lonely these days now fewer mothers are at home.
Perhaps your daughter could do that? Then you are still seeing your grandchildren but don't have the responsibility.

Good idea.

I dislike being alone with GC/GGC - I want mums with the babies, actually caring for their own - apart from school runs and emergencies.

You are NOT being unreasonable or selfish at all. In fact I don’t know how you do it with all your other grandchildren. I would just tell her in a nice way that you want a break. You’ve more than done your bit. 💐

When my daughters were on maternity leave, they would come round to ours one day a week with the children. I really enjoyed those days, and it was a help to my girls, maternity leave can be a bit lonely these days now fewer mothers are at home.
Perhaps your daughter could do that? Then you are still seeing your grandchildren but don't have the responsibility.

May I ask how long your daughter intends maternity leave? Our daughters and granddaughters have taken differing amounts of time. The young couples usually had maternity leave to care for the mum and baby, alone.

Will your husband's health improve before the baby is born? I ask because after surgery I was unable to mind babies for a month. Perhaps your husband will recover and D's needs will lessen?

My mum had young children - no help. I managed alone quite well. My husband was working 2 jobs when our first 2 were born, close together, house was a mess but I cooked - we ate. Perhaps cooking/freezing some meals, in advance would help your daughter (I fill their freezers). We also pay a weekly clean for new parents. Maybe you could help in that way?

I don't commit myself to scheduled care - too many GC/GGC. However, I'll watch no notice for mum's needs and I do a lot of the school driving (almost an hour one way) my biggest contribution.

There are many ways to be a helpful gran, whilst allowing your D to bond!

Good luck.