Taken for granted?

No, if you feel you need a break just tell your daughter. She may not realise.
Why do you say you are expected, its not a right you are doing them a favour.

On day a week doesn’t seem that much. Are you both unwell? Does your daughter not seem grateful?

Maybe she thinks you are doing it because you want to spend that time with him? She might be hurt if you express that isn't the case. You could try saying you need to do it less but when she does go back to work she won't get a placement at a nursery that is off and on for a day so it might be that ends. You won't know until you talk to her anyway as to whether she is being cheeky or not.

Fortunately I am in good health. Perhaps I am being selfish. I had no help with my own three despite working full time so maybe this has coloured my views.

LaCrepescule

On day a week doesn’t seem that much. Are you both unwell? Does your daughter not seem grateful?

I don't agree. This is a favour, not an obligation. The OP is talking about her daughter's children, not her own. One day is too much if the OP doesn't want to do it, or feels unable to. She says her DH has health issues. I think it's completely unreasonable to expect older parents to look after babies and toddlers. They've raised their own families, worked for years and years, gone through all sorts of hardships and shouldn't have to do it all again in retirement. Occasional babysitting and fun days out with grandkids is one thing but to be tied to permanent childcare for whatever remains of your life is quite another matter. If she can't look after 2 children at once she shouldn't have got pregnant again and assumed her mother would pick up the pieces.

Hi Literarylover. You could be me! I’ve been looking after my GS (1 day a week) who will be 3 in January. My DD is having her 2nd in the next week. We’ve never discussed me having him whilst she’s on mat leave, though of course the first few weeks is no problem. But like you I’m hoping for a day to myself, I also work the rest of the week too! I’m sure my DD will be fine doing her own thing with both of them.

I hope you sort something LL🙏🏼

Agree completely flappergirl

No is a complete sentence.

Don’t you enjoy spending this time with your GS?
There are people here who would give their right arm.
Given the forthcoming upheaval in the little chap’s life, to withdraw Granny/grandpa time sounds unfeeling and selfish. All the more reason for him to resent the baby’s arrival as Mum will not have the time to spend with him in the way his grandparents can.
Sorry to be blunt but there are two ways of looking at the arrangement and you have been privileged to be able to firm a unique bond with the little boy.

No you are not being selfish LiteraryLover and you shouldn't feel guilty for wanting a break while your D's on maternity leave.

For goodness sake RosiesMaw, the OP's GS is not her responsibility and plenty of parents are able to manage a new baby and have the time to spend with the child they already have.

The OP and her husband are no more privileged to have spent this time with their GS than their D is fortunate that they were willing and able to do so.

No, I don’t think you’re being selfish, you and your husband, particularly as he’s unwell, are your priority. Occasional days may be helpful and mean you keep the relationship going, your grandson may feel excluded initially if he’s not fully included in welcoming his new sibling.

Having free childcare is a privilege, not a right and whether the OP enjoys spending time with her grandchild is neither here nor there; she's doing her daughter a huge favour whether she babysits for 1 hour or 1 day. Most of us are happy to help out on a casual basis, or in an emergency, but when it becomes fixed in stone, for set hours, days or weeks, and you have to plan your whole life around it, it's sometimes too much. Husband already has health issues; when is it their turn to sit back, relax and look after themselves? If not now, when?

Hi LiteraryLover YANBU, you've been child minding since your grandson was 6 months old, you’re happy to help out in the early days of the new baby. Your husband has been unwell.

To want to give yourself a break, literally and figuratively is perfectly understandable.

I remember bleating to my mother years ago when my two were little, and she gently reminded me that I had chosen to have my second child (close in age to the first one). She did help me a lot, but she didn’t “sacrifice” her life, she had had her turn at raising children.

It isnt a cheek for her to ask.

And you can say no.

If this agreement is not working for you, let her know

However, the implication that "she is on maternity leave, she is not working " will nor sit well at all.

She will be busier than ever now with two kids.

Wonderful to spend time with your GS., and aren’t they lucky to have your love, help and interest. That needn’t stop, of course, but it sounds as if you are struggling a bit and recent health issues are making you feel that you need less commitments and some quality time for yourselves now. And why ever not? You’re not an employee and you’re not letting anyone down. Her babies, her life, and if you continue to offer when you can, then both families needn’t feel short-changed or obligated.

For goodness sake RosiesMaw, the OP's GS is not her responsibility and plenty of parents are able to manage a new baby and have the time to spend with the child they already have
I despair.
Can you actually remember those early weeks with a new baby, a jealous toddler, broken nights, breastfeeding, stitches, hormones and exhaustion?
I had no help after my C sections and thanked my lucky stars for a perceptive health visitor who spotted that I was going under. Not saying DH wasn’t willing but no paternity leave. My mum and MIL hundreds of miles away - so yes, I’ve been there.
When my daughters had their babies I felt privileged to be part of their lives and that included taking “number one” off their hands to let mum get some rest.
OP makes it sound like a chore not a joy.
As it happens my daughters have more than once said “my children, my problem” and never taken advantage of me, so I’ve been lucky, but IMO this is just NOT the moment to withdraw support and step out of this little boy’s life.
I’m out.
The connection between the emphasis on Rights and Boundaries I meet so often here on GN is totally foreign to me and cannot be entirely separated from estrangement issues.

Has your daughter asked you or has she just assumed? Communication between you doesn't seem to be a strong point. Perhaps she wants to keep the arrangements in her son's life continuous for when she returns to work, but equally, maybe you were looking forward to having weeks away with no commitment.
I have to say, one day a week doesn't seem an awful imposition, but obviously you must discuss it first, and she shouldn't have taken you for granted.

Looking after children, or any kind of personal care, is hard work.
You are in the autumn of your life, and before you know it, it will be the winter.
Your daughter is still in the high summer of hers, and they are her children, her responsibility.
You need to value your time with your husband while you are both still active enough to enjoy it.
You've worked hard all your life, this time is for your retirement.

Yes I remember RosiesMaw. The OP and her husband will be there to help out as and when needed for the first few weeks after the new baby arrives, which is more than some new mums are able to receive.

I totally agree with you about the emphasis on rights and boundaries not being entirely separated from estrangement issues, but I suspect for different reasons.

If you feel you are taken for granted, how would you ideally want to be thanked?

Whose idea was this babysitting arrangement? Did you offer? Did your daughter ask?

My parents and my husband’s parents never looked after any of our 4 except for the odd time when they visited us here in Australia. I wouldn’t have wanted them to, either. My children, my responsibility. Just tell them. You have earned your retirement from child rearing!

I’m a bit bemused by this. It seems down to communication. A lot has been assumed.

Can you not be honest with your daughter literarylover and say once she is settled at home with the new baby you and her dad (I’m also making an assumption here that your husband is her dad) would appreciate some time without scheduled childcare for your grandson? Has your daughter assumed you would want to continue just as you assumed she would want her son with her?

I’m sure you’ll not refuse to see and care for your grandson and your new grandchild, you’ll help out when needed as you’ve made clear. Its a big change for you all to navigate together.

Wonderful though it will be for your daughter to have your help to allow time alone with her second child it’s surely also important to think about your grandson. Will he experience continuing to be with you one day a week as a secure and happy routine, or feel pushed out and want to be with Mum or alternatively want more time with you while things settle down at home. Noisy babies are hard on everyone’s ears. No one will know until the baby arrives, perhaps something to think through with your husband and chat with your daughter about. If your daughters partner is taking paternity leave perhaps your grandson will be at home with two parents then.

I’m wondering too if your daughter plans to return to work after maternity leave and if so whether you’ll be asked to care for your new grandchild in the same way as you have her son. If so it’s all the more understandable you’d like a break for a little while. While a privilege to care for our grandchildren it’s also a huge responsibility.

Like many of us I had no family help with child care. With hindsight it seems we were fortunate. Our second son soon settled into a routine, our toddler was not jealous of his brother. I was able to give them both the time they needed and deserved with only an occasional day when it all seemed just too much.

With love on both sides I’m sure you can work this out together. Wishing you all well.

Is she doing it because she thinks you want that day with him?

I remember those first few weeks with all 3 of mine. My parents didn't have my children for full days but they'd take the eldest ones to the park for an hour or so, drop in a cottage pie, take them to their house for an afternoon etc usually when the midwife and health visitor popped in.

Maybe suggest it? It wasn't set days it was just when we needed abit help or they were free.