How to handle tears at goodbye

Promise to ring her when you get home snd maybe read her a short bedtime story, something to look forward to
When my grands were little and couldn’t sleep their mum rang me and I d read a story over the phone
Leaving ‘a bit of you’ is a great idea too if you use a favourite perfume pretty hanky with it on she can put under her pillow

I think the advice of leaving something is very good one. I had to be in hospital for a while and when my mum left after visiting I would cry. In those days parents had to stick to visiting hours!
The next time she she had to leave she left me her gloves that I knew she liked. I knew she would come back for her favourite gloves so was comforted.

Grandmarderby, that must have been painful… I will remember this when driving home, because indeed, it is such sweet, pure love she gives me now.

I am not sure how to respond personally, my replies seem to land in the general thread.
Lathyrus, I know I need to set a boundary - my pitfall… A clear Andre Rieu ritual will help. I will figure one out.

I say enjoy these bitter- sweet moments while you can because they soon grow and change alliances.

…one of my eldest grandsons went from being inconsolable to not even acknowledging I was there in the first place.. a bit upsetting.

However at 12 and a half now he has “come back to himself” which is lovely …for now😉

Thanks Elegran, for the inspiring advice! I will think about a personal item to give her when I leave. I like the idea and I think she will too!

Thank you, Grandmabatty! Yes, I try to validate - and then I tell her I will be back soon. Maybe she feels it affects me and perhaps I should try to be less moved, and, like you say, not ‘drag it out’.

Well she’s been an only for the first years of her life and now she has two small sisters so she’s probably enjoying something that makes her feel a bit special.

If you go when you say you are going and she stops soon after you’ve gone and settles to sleep I wouldn’t worry about it.

If you allow her to delay or stop your going, that’s a danger signal as to who is in control.
If she continues to be upset for a long time that’s genuine anxiety and needs to be explored.

Take a tip from Andre Rieu and have a defined goodbye, the concert’s over routine - story, goodnight song, kiss and out the bedroom door. Pop back in, blow an extra kiss and go. Something like that and don’t vary it 🙂

I read somewhere how someone lent a possession of hers to a grandchild to "look after until you bring it back to me next time you come here - " so that mother could effect the departure while the child was engrossed in examining the item and "looking after it". Perhaps a new or a well-loved book, which mother could read to her while it was on loan? Or a hairbrush or similar personal item which was known to belong to her?

Explain to her that you will be back and when. At 4 she should understand this.

Acknowledge her feelings. Tell her you are sad too so validate her feelings. Then distract. It might be that you discuss what you will do together next time. Deal with it calmly and don't drag out the goodbyes. Now and next signals. Now we're going to play with dolls. Next I have to go home. That kind of thing might help.