Grandson over reaction

With respect. I don’t think it was an overreaction. He was frightened, overwhelmed and being made to feel silly by an old man who should know better.

It's bullying & a really stupid idea if it's intended to help the boy get over his fear of water. Some years ago, my then 4-year-old grandson was afraid of the water. We sat at the shallow end of my pool & I splashed his knees. He giggled & splashed me back. I went down a step & splashed his knees again. Now he had to get down to the same step to splash me. I scooched down to the last step, & splashed his knees on more time, then I stood up. He stood up on the bottom step - the water was now up to his thighs - & splashed my chest. I laughed & leaned forward & held out my arms. He put his arms around my neck & I waded forward, gently splashing his back. He leaned sideways into the water & scooped up a handful & splashed my face. I laughed, he laughed, & then I held him up & away from me. By then he was in up to his chest. I walked around while he kicked his feet & let him discover for himself that he was almost swimming. After awhile my arms were getting tired so I walked him back to the steps & let him climb out on his own. I swam out to the middle of the pool. He followed me around outside the water & then, with no warning, he jumped in on top of me. I managed to keep his head above the surface but not my own. Luckily his mom was there & swam over & hauled him off me before I drowned. He was obviously no longer afraid of the water. I taught him how to float on his back &, with a little support, how to dog-paddle (really more of a dog-flail). His mom got him real swimming lessons later. The trick with a fearful young child is to be gentle & let him set his own limits.

Agreed. I do feel that the OP has taken this on board though, but as usual people aren’t bothering to read the thread and keep telling her that her husband is out of order. She knows! Women are not responsible for the behaviour of their husbands.

I hope you are ok, NannieN? Please don’t take criticisms to heart.

No-one, so far as I have seen has minimised or excused grandad’s treatment of this little boy. Several posters have referred to ‘teasing’ in childhood they remember as horrible. Things are changing for the better

Doodledog

NannieN I think you are responding to this thread with a maturity that neither your husband nor his father have shown. You have seen a lot of criticism but have acknowledged your part in the incident and taken it on the chin. Your grandson is lucky to have you.

My grandfather used to 'tease' us, and my mother never stopped him. Hey kept going until we cried or retaliated in some way, and then we got into trouble for doing so. Your posts have brought it back, and it was horrible. I remember feeling powerless and trapped in a 'no win' situation. We either had to put up with it or know we'd be in trouble. As an adult, I can see that my mother may have been unable to stand up to him - maybe he had done it to her, too - but as a parent I know that I couldn't have watched it happen to my own children.

My dad did this to us too. My mum used to half heartedly tell him to leave us alone, but never really stood up for us. I honestly think that he saw it as some sort of harmless play, but it often happened when he had been drinking. (He could be affectionate and generous at other times, but a harsh disciplinarian.)
I made sure it never happened to my own children.
I am surprised that this is seen as acceptable behaviour in 2025.

So sorry to hear about the TIA. My late husband apparently had several in his 60s but knew nothing about them until years later. They often don’t give obvious symptoms and you find out if/when someone has a ‘proper’ one. I’m telling you this because my husband lived for years afterwards (on daily Warfarin), which I assume is what your husband will be given. Try not to panic. As long as he keeps taking the Warfarin, has a sensible diet and exercises (dare I say swimming is good!) he should be fine.
That doesn’t mean he can be let off about the way he behaved. He will hopefully lead a normal life and should be responsible for his actions. He can’t hide behind the TIA!

I am sorry to hear about the TIA. Hopefully this warning sign will get him on some preventative treatment.

Scars are not always visible, the worst ones may be psychological and hidden from plain view

Sorry to hear about the stroke
However, please stop making excuses for your husband.

His behaviour was atrocious in previous threads as well

Thank you all for your comments, suggestions and honest feedback, which I have taken onboard.
I can reassure you all that DGS, is fine, he has had a swimming lesson since with no visiable signs of effect.
I was so emotional at the weekend, I used this forum as a mind-dump to clear my head and get my thoughts in order. I know there are always more than 1 version of the truth and other versions of the situation may come across differently. I am very close to my DGS and do not like to see him upset.
I am aware that I need to speak to husband about his behaviour. However, he has found out this week that at some point in the last 3 months he has had a TIA/mini stroke which is difficult news to hear. I will not be thanked for bring up his behaviour at this point, but I need to be mindful of how I deal with this going forward.
If anyone thinks that the TIA could have caused his poor behaviour at the weekend, don't be concerned, he would have acted the same way with or without a TIA.
I feel like I'm dumping on this forum again, I'm not one for oversharing but sometimes it helps

How awful! Sounds like everyone concerned is trying to protect a bully! Someone needs to take the bully on and explain that is not the way to encourage or care for a child. Surely once was enough to learn that the child was uncomfortable for whatever reason. Cannot imagine much progress from the restrictions either - just more confusion and anger from the child.

Your poor DGS is only 5! He's not yet mature enough to know HOW to regulate his emotions. His parents shouldn't have taken away their child's privileges but given the grandfather a piece of their mind as it was him who caused this whole situation.

I think given his inability to be respectful of others or respect a no, or display sufficient self control that grand dad should lose pool privileges - I wouldn't let him know about any subsequent pool visits with his grandson.

Unless I'm mistaken, not ONE respondent has even suggested that GF was even remotely right to treat another human being in this way. Cos that's what this tiny person is - a human being, not a person to be used for anyone's "enjoyment" and indeed the child should be encouraged to be able to object when someone does something that scares him.

Just a though *NannieN" could you take him to a pool on your own sometime soon and help him get over this trauma with a kind person who has his best interests at heart?

I'm all for accepting that the parents wishes are to be respected but sometimes I'm afraid they are not.

Your DGS needs big hugs and lots of love.
I'm not surprised he had a meltdown. I'd've had a bloody meltdown too.
If my husband has done that; he'd be in the doghouse for the next decade!

It is bullying.
Grandad is the one who needs to learn to regulate his behaviour.
Grandson took the only action open to him, and was (I think unfairly and wrongly) punished for it. In a sense he did control his emotions as he gained attention from his Nannie, who might reasonably be expected to intervene with the Grandad and expressed frustration without resorting to physical assault.
What he has learned is that men can do what they want without consequence, and his parents will side with them against him I don't think that that is fair for him or healthy for his development.

The little boy was the mature one of the whole bunch. He expressed his feelings the first time he was splashed.It's not his fault that bully granddad went ahead anyway and splashed him again. The poor child was acting out of frustration because his words were ignored. I hope he's not punished all the time for just being a child.

This is a wind up surely? If it is true there are so many red flags there. It is abuse. The child's trust in adults has been broken. Children are taught nowadays to make it clear if they are unhappy about any behavior from an adult that makes them feel uncomfortable or unsafe. He did make it clear and none of his trusted adults came to his rescue. He was actually punished. All of the adults in this scenario need referring on for parenting classes. Social services would be very worried by this dysfunctional family. You all owe this little boy a sincere apology for not keeping him safe from his bullying grandfather. You, his grandma should have taken your responsibility more seriously. If it made you feel uncomfortable then it was a hundred times worse for this little boy. Your husband is a child abuser. That term covers other behaviours , not just sexual abuse. Take it seriously, the man is a bully and therefore a coward.

Show these pages to your husband and to the parents they need a lesson in child care too

Is the grandfather your husband?

If so splash him in the face and take away his privileges.

Horrible. What kind of idiot splashes a kid in the face when they are trying to pluck up courage?

Does no one involved with this poor child understand children?

He is a tiny 5 year old, scared. He needs to be led to make his OWN discovery about how to enter water. To be facilitated and enabled.

The grandad needs to be told to back off, and to apologise, and whoever decided that the poor child should 'lose privileges' needs to have a long hard look at themselves.

And slow hand clap all round - the child will not want to go swimming at all now.

I wonder what the grandfather and parent would say/do if the little grandson came home from school terrified because some bigger boy had bullied him in the playground? Would that pass as 'toughening him up? Children at school are taught to say no to anybody (especially an adult) who does things to them which they do not want them to do and that means anybody, strangers or family.

The grandfather was at fault for perpetuating the splashing, and the parents were negligent and punitive for not intervening to protect the child and actually taking away his privileges - whatever they may be! So the child now learns that if a grown up does something to him that he really doesn't like he has to bear it for fear of retribution. Of course, this is me the therapist talking but it's not rocket science - there are many ways to get a child into a swimming pool and scaring them isn't one.

Was the ‘Grandpa’ in the water? Instead of splashing this poor boy in the face he should have gently got the lad to come into the water with him? Carried him if necessary to get him used to playing in the water. Why was he expected to jump in? Can he swim? I agree with all comments that this was sheer bullying, and am not surprised the poor child lost it. Then the parents compounded the injury by punishing him! Children are all different, what works with one may not work with another. Each must be ‘taught’ at whatever level they are at. This child may well have plucked up courage to jump,of his own accord if left alone.
I would print out and give all these comments to your husband without saying anything… is he a bully at home?

This child knows how to say no, which is a good thing in this day and age. He was mocked and ignored and patronised and intimidated and victimised and bullied by an adult who is supposed to know better - an adult who is supposed to protect him from the bullying he himself perpetrated. It is the grandpa who is supposed to lose his privileges. More of this, and the child will learn to keep quiet if he is abused, so that he does not lose his privileges.

Grandfather should apologize to grandson.

If the roles were switched and grandfather wasn’t wanting to go into the water for whatever reason and grandson splashed him a couple of times with cold water on his warm skin, how would he feel.

BlueBelle

I d * love* to push grandad in the water

😂
Me too! In the deep end.What a thoughtless plonker.