Hard to see grandchildren - feeling so low

I do and it makes me sad too. I just try and concentrate on the times I do see then ad try to make the most that. It is what it is, but you are not alone

I do . I feel for you 💔

Both my A/C live 5 minutes walk away from me and I rarely see them or my Grandchildren. I do feel very hurt by it but there's nothing I can do about it. It's is hard to understand and accept especially when both myself and my husband are in very poor health and we struggle to cope day to day .

Maz48 my son lives beside my DiLs family and about 45 minutes from me. He visits for tea every 2-3 weeks. Rarely see her or GDs.
It's all about her family and helping her dad.
Sometimes I think about it, but mostly I just accept it and enjoy when I see him.
If I ever need help I will ask and see what happens.
As Sallywally says, you are not alone. But I do sympathise.

Another one here. Because my son has four children who do so many activities each, we rarely get to see them. Will the children when they are older regret not having had a meaningful relationship with one set of grandparents.?

Probably not to be honest.

I only had one grandparent - my maternal grandmother.
I don't miss the others as I never knew them.

Can you maybe initiate things?
Cooking for them (say) one Friday evening every so often?

I live less than 2 miles from two of mine and I last saw them in march. They are 17 and 15. I’m estranged from their mam, my daughter. I hope when they get over 18 things will change. It hurts.

Well ours are in Australia now so we have no idea when we shall see them again apart from fleeting phone videos! We are just resigned to that now ! 🤷‍♀️

NotSpaghetti

I only had one grandparent - my maternal grandmother.
I don't miss the others as I never knew them.

Can you maybe initiate things?
Cooking for them (say) one Friday evening every so often?

I was thinking the same.
Can you bake some cakes to take round? I drop by mine with "stuff" for them two or three times a week. This week it was a big box of colouring pencils I no longer wanted.
I call in to offer to walk the dog, I don"t always stay long but get to say "hi" to the children and ask what they're up to.
I agree that taking the initiative cunningly works.

Maz48

Does anyone else find because their son/daughters partner lives within walking distance of their family that you hardly get a visit even though you live just a 15min drive away?

My daughter's ex and his new family live just around the corner from us. My 14 year old grandson spends most weekends there but we are not allowed to see him then. His older brother at 26 has left home so we rarely see him. My other two grandchildren which includes my only granddaughter live in Australia so we see even less of them. I do find it hard especially as my dad's mum lived next door to us when I was growing up. You just have to make the best of it.

It doesn't work at all if you’re severely estranged from their mother. It’s a no go area. After ten years I’ve given up. Baking cakes - I’d probably end up wearing them!!!

whywhywhy

It doesn't work at all if you’re severely estranged from their mother. It’s a no go area. After ten years I’ve given up. Baking cakes - I’d probably end up wearing them!!!

I'm sorry to hear that, not a good idea to wear cakes!
OP is this an estrangement issue, you haven't said?

If there is no estrangement then I think directly asking them round for food and drink might work. Older GC tend to communicate on their phones and you do need to ask a direct question to get an answer.
Another route is to actually ask for some minor help with something, the under 55s have no appreciation of older problems, quite rightly I suppose

I cry a lot about it and her older brother has had a word but she doesn’t want to know.

whywhywhy [flowers}

My 3 children live 1.25hrs/2hrs and 3.5 hours away from me respectively. They all live very close to their spouses families. They go on holiday with them too. In the 12 years since I moved house I’ve had 2 visits from 2 of them. The other visits maybe 2-3 times a year. It hurts like hell, especially now my health isn’t so good and I struggle to drive longer distances. They’re brilliant when I do see them and I get occasional phone calls but it has caused me a lot of heartbreak. But nothing I can do about it so I try not to think of them too much. I sometimes wonder if I should get some counselling. Not sure how much it would cost though.

I never just drop by but I do say "I know you are busy so cam I cook dinner for you one day next week?

They are welcome to pop in to eat and buzz off again!

This sort of offer is ofen taken up - even in term time.

I try to make a fuss of them when they do come.

One set of "other" grandparents in particular see them all the time and were surprised to see how very excited the children were when they dropped them off some time ago.

I confess I'm delighted that the other grandparents are so helpful as I can't do it.
I do quietly love the in-laws yhough they ard nothing like us. I love them for all the help they give to my son and his little family.

Children can't really have too much love can they!

Try to be thankful for the other grandparents Maz as this will hrlp you feel less bad. And cherish the time you do have.

Until I read this, I would have said I see my grandchildren regularly. Now I realise I don’t really! I suppose it’s because we all get on so well as a family and message etc regularly that I thought contact was more often than it actually is. I have one grandson in Australia, my other three grandchildren are within 10 miles of me. Ages range from 17 to 33.
My granddaughter and I are really close and she used to spend a lot of time with me from when she was born. Now 26, she is married and has a baby, she doesn’t visit as much as she is very busy with the baby. That said, she messages most days and sends photos of the baby often.
Out of the two other grandchildren,, one is at college for half the week and works for the other half. The other one works partly from home and partly from his firm’s office in Brighton, so he is busy too.
On birthdays and Christmas, as many of us as possible get together to celebrate, but the rest of the time, the pressure of life dictates how often we get together as a family. We don’t manage it often!
I think as you get older and your family does too, they concentrate on their own interests and responsibilities. Life is so busy now that, unlike when we were young, there isn’t the time to spend visiting others. I remember being at a loose end when I was young and had small children. Once the housework was done and the evening meal prepared, what was there to do? Young children spend time playing with their toys and you can join in with some of that, but sometimes, they need, and want, to play on their own. Older children tend to want to play with friends, then, when older still, boy. or girlfriends come on the scene.
I think the answer is to make the first move now and again. Perhaps arrange a simple meal to share with them. I find a fish and chip supper (bought) is popular with my family, and easy to organise.
More importantly, learn to accept that as we get older and less active, we aren’t as important in our family’s lives. They may love us, but they have their own lives to deal with, maybe grandchildren of their own to see and care for. This isn’t ‘The Walton’s’! We don’t get to be head of the family any more.
There comes a time when we get old and less included in things. That’s the way of the world. People only have a limited amount of time to spend on family, and many women, unlike in ‘our’ day, now work. They then have the cooking and housework to deal with.
Our life is coming to its end. But look what we did with it! Look at, and enjoy, the family that have come from us - our very own Family Tree, and be thankful. Without us, they wouldn’t be here! That must mean something!

I’m sorry that some GN’s don’t get to see their ACs or grandchildren. My own AC’s live relatively close by. My eldest AS pops in most evenings after dinner as he and my DH went for a daily walk during lockdown and have kept it up ever since. My middle AS lives a 6 minute drive away ( he timed it when viewing his new build home) although he works shifts we usually see him and his DP at least once a week. My youngest AS lives a five minute walk, but as we look after his DD 3 days a week we see a lot of him and the wee one, we don’t see much of his wife. My DD lives about a 20 minute drive away, and depending on her shifts at the hospital we see her every couple of weeks although we’re in contact daily. I’m very fortunate that my family are close to us and each other.

My daughter and her family live ten minutes away. With the boys at school or college, and both parents working fulltime I don't see them often. The younger boy has football and Stagecoach on Saturdays, and athletics on Sundays so he's hardly home at all. I mainly see him when I give him a lift from the station. My daughter and I do text and phone all the time though.

Wise words Crossstitchfan 😊

There is some excellent advice on here. Hugs. 🤗

We are an hour from our elder DD and family, but despite being super-busy she does take time to ring weekly and often sends photos/videos of the GC. The elder DD is 5 hours away but she also rings weekly. No children as yet as they've just finished the start of their fourth round of IVF and are deciding how/when to proceed. I dare say we won't see much of them or the new GC now at our ages and the distance involved.