Grumpy Grandpa - AIBU?

Instead of criticising your husband use your superior approach to instill some much needed manners into your badly behaved grandchildren.

Brilliant response and a really good solution.

I think that kids are generally remarkably forgiving and very happy to take the rough with the smooth. They develop their own relationships with the people they love (and know love them).

I’ve been amazed to see the independent relationships develop between my DDs and their grandparents - two of whom were really not great parents themselves and one was really not a good husband. I thought they were rude and infuriating sometimes, but the grandkids used to shrug it all off with ‘Well, that’s just grandad.’

I wouldn’t have wanted to hear that language either - but as language goes, it’s not that bad really is it? You will each have different relationships with your grandchildren - although it’s good to be able to manage them jointly when you can.
I wouldn’t want to risk spoiling the time you still have with them - you have obviously been doing a great job - inspite of the grumpy one - if they still want to come regularly to spend time with you at that age. Unless you sense the children becoming unhappy with your DH’s style, I think I would try to relax and let it go.

Totally understand how upset you felt with his language, have read your 2nd response and I gather he’s just someone who is used to being in control, and not exactly one of those grandpas who joins in… except maybe the occasional comment if others are about to make it look like he’s “fun”. I gather this also from the fact you say he doesn’t really want to be go out with the grandkids but at the same time doesn’t want to be left behind.. so in actual fact he’s not there out of the joy of “being part” of young ones excitement… he’s there because of his FOMO ( fear of missing g out) my honest advice… I’d rather leave him in when I’m
with the grandkids and have fun with them, then have a row about him not being asked… than take him with me, walk on eggshells and have less fun… and provably still have a row. Some men are the kids who never grow up and can have silly interactions with their grandkids… whilst others are much more disciplined, perhaps it’s to do with their childhood.. but in the meantime YOU DO YOU… and leave him home… as my mum used to say to “hang as he grows”