Expectations regarding care of sick grandchild

He asks what are they meant to do if you don't look after her --- WHAT!!!! Tell him what he has to do is take responsibly for his own child. My adult children would not dream of leaving my GC with me if they had tummy upsets, never mind Norvovirus!
Unbelievable.

Selfish, He needs to look after his own sick child, who probably needed comfort from her parents !
Not passed around like a parcel.

I look after my granddaughter one day a week too, and I would still look after her if she had D&V but was otherwise well, particularly if it was not the first day of it. If it was known to be Norovirus I’d go to their house though, and take extra precautions when changing her, as I wouldn’t want to pass it on.

I look after my 4 youngest grandchildren (11-16) but I am always told when they are ill and it's left to me to make a decision about being with them. It works both ways. A few weeks ago I had the most awful cold and had to say I wasn't feeling well enough to help out with them and did not want to spread it around either. There are some very entitled young parents around these days. They ought to be grateful to those, usually elderly, people who are willing to help and are saving them thousands in the process.

I am speechless!

Where has the idea come from that grandparents HAVE to look after their children’s children even when they are sick? I took time off work as part of my holiday entitlement whenever my children were ill and they only wanted me their Mum anyway.
I’m sorry but it is your son who has no empathy.

You are quite right to draw the line now, especially as your husband has health issues.

How dare they?

Modern life dictates that most parents have to work to pay the bills. They have a fixed number of days leave and of course need to use most leave when their children are on holiday from school. They can’t take off random days to stay home with a sick child, much as they’d like to.
Childcare costs a fortune and I have always been available to help out when I can. Children are our future, it’s our duty to help bring them up if possible.

The advice for Norovirus is to isolate for at least 48 hours. The child should have stayed home and the parents made provision for this.

I feel very sorry for you ... just tell your son ... you had the child so it is HIS responsibility to care for His children ...You have done your bit and no-one should expect you to care for a really ill child with Covid ... its unbelievable ...

I agree with your post watermeadow. I feel that life is a lot tougher financially today for young parents than it was for me. I had the choice of whether or not to work which many don’t have today . Sometimes now both parents need to work and this may be contributing to the fall in the birth rate and the problems that may bring. What I am saying is that I can see both points of view. The OP is quite justified to feel as she does but the parents should not be berated for their point of view. Personally I believe that if someone has agreed to child mind they should do it at all costs unless it has been made clear that they would not do it if the child were ill. All very difficult!

what would they do if you didn't live near them, I know grandparents look after their grandchildren, but it's not written in stone, when a child is ill I think it's a parent who should be looking after them. your son has no right to make you feel bad.

I'm 76 and help out with the grandchildren when I can,certainly in emergencies. I still work so sometimes have to take unpaid leave.
We keep out of each other's way if we are ill,if possible,none of us want each other's germs!

Shelflife

He asks what are they meant to do if you don't look after her --- WHAT!!!! Tell him what he has to do is take responsibly for his own child. My adult children would not dream of leaving my GC with me if they had tummy upsets, never mind Norvovirus!
Unbelievable.

Exactly!
He has no empathy for you is what it is.

watermeadow

Modern life dictates that most parents have to work to pay the bills. They have a fixed number of days leave and of course need to use most leave when their children are on holiday from school. They can’t take off random days to stay home with a sick child, much as they’d like to.
Childcare costs a fortune and I have always been available to help out when I can. Children are our future, it’s our duty to help bring them up if possible.

All things to consider before having children. None of the above entitles anyone at all to free unlimited childcare. Our duty is to raise our children. Grandparents have done that. Younger parents need to understand how to be thankful for help and humble themselves. Not all of us had the luxury of parents providing free childcare, but many of us surely had the decency to be thankful for any help we got. We would never dream of berating our parents because we had respect for our elders. The entitlement of some younger parents is outrageous and damaging. It’s completely indefensible. The son needs to apologize to his mum.

I feel some sympathy for the parents because it is a desperate situation and workplaces are not sympathetic to time off for child care.
But your son's attitude is unforgiveable; the nursery/school will not have sick children and there are times when parents simply have to forgo work to look after their child. To speak to you in the way he did is not acceptable and you need to remind him you are doing him a big favour with free child care.
Part of the trouble with these infectious illnesses is that children are dosed up and returned to school far too soon, so the infection does the rounds again.

My dd would never expect us to care for her sick children. She and her Dh cobble together some sort of alternative system, though luckily the GC seem quite robust.

Besides, if a grandparent carer catches Norovirus, then that means they’ll likely be unable to provide any more care for a few days so the child’s parents will have to make alternative arrangements anyway. 🤷‍♀️

Watermelon

........ but not our duty to catch Covid and possibly die! (No childcare, ever, then)
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BlessedArt

watermeadow

Modern life dictates that most parents have to work to pay the bills. They have a fixed number of days leave and of course need to use most leave when their children are on holiday from school. They can’t take off random days to stay home with a sick child, much as they’d like to.
Childcare costs a fortune and I have always been available to help out when I can. Children are our future, it’s our duty to help bring them up if possible.

All things to consider before having children. None of the above entitles anyone at all to free unlimited childcare. Our duty is to raise our children. Grandparents have done that. Younger parents need to understand how to be thankful for help and humble themselves. Not all of us had the luxury of parents providing free childcare, but many of us surely had the decency to be thankful for any help we got. We would never dream of berating our parents because we had respect for our elders. The entitlement of some younger parents is outrageous and damaging. It’s completely indefensible. The son needs to apologize to his mum.

I belueve it’s also our duty as grandparents to say what our non negotiables are before we volunteer to do regular childcare. Small children come down with virus after virus, particularly when they attend nursery so are in regular contact with other children, and nurseries send them home if there is a virus which might affect the others, so parents are constantly juggling the competing demands. I think we have to understand the pressures parents face too, my daughter and SiL have very demanding jobs, and for that reason I will help if I can.

Your son is out of order Snowbilly. Just because the other GP's are happy to have the child when s/he is ill, doesn't mean you should be forced too.

If they were not benefiting from the free child care being provided by GP's and were relying in nursery provision, they would have to make alternative arrangements if the child is ill. I'm sure you love the time you get to spend with your GC but that doesn't alter the fact that you are doing them a favour.

Children are out future, it's our duty to help bring them up if possible no it isn't, it's the parents duty to bring up their own children.

The entitlement of some younger parents is outrageous and damaging. It's completely indefensible. The son needs to apologise to his mum. I completely agree Casdon.

Cadson, infectious disease is a no-brainer when it comes to expecting others to take care of your children. Unless the parent is completely self-centered it’s understood that childcare has limits. This is where parental sacrifice comes in. It’s completely unreasonable to expect others to risk their health for your children. It makes it worse when you expect aging grandparents to. Being a working parent in a demanding job is a normal occurrence in society. It doesn’t give anyone license to berate their parents when they cannot provide childcare.

Establishing non-negotiables upfront is not a magic pill against a grandparent deciding they cannot babysit for one reason or another. Not every specific scenario is predicable, thus all parents should have some semblance of a back up plan for childcare. Every form of childcare is subject to circumstance, paid or not. Providing childcare for your children isn’t some binding business contract. Life happens. No excuse for the rudeness and entitlement displayed here. None.

Yes very selfish indeed. I hope you get an apology at least. Parents are allowed time of work to look after sick children, it may be without pay depending on the company policy.

This is your opinion BlessedArt, not a fact. Every grandparent makes their own decisions. What appears to have happened in this case is a breakdown in communication before the grandparents started regular childcare. I’m not condoning the son’s attitude, just saying that this conversation should have been had before they took on caring, because it’s inevitable that young children catch everything going, so it was predictable.

But it wasn’t had before that (possibly). The grandparent still has a right to protect herself from an infectious disease. That’s not my opinion, that’s a fact. Grandparents have free will. We all do. She has a right to decline to babysit at the risk of her own health.

You need to speak to your son about his attitude. If he is behaving like this at this stage what is he going to be like in years to come? What is his wife like? Is she the same? Your husband is vulnerable after his heart attack.

I agree, but it should have been one of the key things discussed before taking on the commitment, rather than on the hop. Set whatever rules suit you, but I can see both perspectives when it’s last minute.