Nannying grandson infant full time, nanny cam, boundaries and advice

Oh, for late evenings, work parties, etc. I said they need to look into hiring a local teen who can come in for a few hours at night, a trustworthy teen that wants to make a little $$. We did that when we had kids and wanted to go out. They can well afford it.

OMG, poor you. Agree with all other posters

Thank you - no love lost, is exactly the way to put it, and how I'm feeling, and it hurts, big time. I'm trying to figure something out. a way out, quit whining about it and do something substantial about this whole situation - reasonable, without loopholes, and hopefully with both sides understanding. I mean, Christmas is next week, and I've got to put on the whole thing, which means prep, heck I can hardly get a cheese sandwich put together anymore. So, they asked me if I can work late next week because they have holiday parties. And heck, my husband "needs" a hearing aid. Maybe the kids can buy him one for Christmas since he "needs" it. Thinking cap on, down to business. Thank you for the moral support, it means tons to me.

grammiebie
There’s a very true saying Dont rescue to the point where you have to be rescued
It won’t take 15 minutes to put your daughter and son in law straight and you’ve been fretting for how long now?
Deep breath and tell them.

Christmas isn't about gifts, but this just makes me feel lousy the way this came about. Am I the *hole for feeling this way?

I know this is a popular American expression but AIBU to find it unacceptable and inappropriate?
Complaints about the quality of pics on Snapchat, ruined surprises of a new smartphone - doesn’t sound like there’s much love lost here.

Maybe I'm taking this the wrong way, but my daughter has always complained that the photographs I send on "snapchat", etc. are of poor quality because of my old phone.

My husband is too cheap to buy me a new phone, not that I couldn't with my own money, but it's not worth the argument. Phone works fine, and I'm used to it. Well...hubbie came home with new phone for himself, which...he seems to get a new phone every six months. I finally said...what the heck.

He fumbled and bumbled, then daughter messages me that I ruined their Christmas surprise as all my kids and husband (we have four grown children) bought me a smartphone for Christmas. My son told me it was my daughters idea...it will take better photographs...

That's great. But...I didn't ask for one. It's something I can buy on my own. My husband just did for himself...and the kids will all get him fun gifts to open for Christmas since he already has a smartphone. I wish phones were for emergency use only! No photos, videos, etc! For babies or otherwise, they annoy the crap out of me.

I keep telling myself I'm very fortunate, some folks don't have enough to eat, have lost loved ones, etc. So suck it up.

But why is it us Moms/Mums always get something practical, much less this is just my daughters way of getting "better hourly pictures" sent to her, and video quality. I'm tired of the technology too, I just want to spend time with baby, not take a million videos and pictures.

And I'm tired. Achy, tired. Sore throat, run down. As ClicketyClick said/understood, I did an 11 hour stint yesterday, then cook and clean at home, and I'm shattered, back at it again today. Besides everything else that needs taken care of. So I'm not in the best mood either.

Christmas isn't about gifts, but this just makes me feel lousy the way this came about. Am I the *hole for feeling this way?

And thanks for the person who stood up for me and my grammar. Not sure I even responded correctly.

Thank you!

What a gall these two have! When, not if, you are ill from all this will they step in and help you, guessing not. I'd be ringing them saying with an excuse that you're too ill so they'll have to make other arrangements for a week and let them find out for themselves that they're being totally unreasonable. Sorry but you need to raise the courage to stand up for yourself, make it clear you want to have that special time and bond with your grandchild but that you also need to set agreed boundaries. I do a 12 hour stint one day a week caring for GC which is more than enough so I honestly don't know how you've managed so far. Absolute selfish buggers. Be strong and please let us know the outcome.

petra

I couldn’t get past the lack of paragraphs.

This poor woman is at her wits end and can do without the grammar police.

grammiebe you're doing your daughter, son-in-law and grandson a huge favour by taking a back seat, even if they don't understand that yet.

The two parents need to get to know their baby and they will do that best by pulling together and hands-on experience.
Their confidence will grow.
Their son will know his rightful place in their family.

You and your husband will be important people in your own right, as grandparents 🥰

Thank you - and that is a good way to put it. Just be prepared. Be positive, but be prepared! Again, many thanks. I'm hoping to move on to a fun forum...like sharing the many delights of these wee ones! Oh he is fun, and Grandpa is getting in on it too, happy to see that.

grammie, thanks for the update. Glad all was calm but it doesn’t hurt to be prepared , so practice saying no, it gets easier the more often you say it.

Monday update: no phone calls for sitting over the weekend! My son-in-law actually watched his son while my daughter worked. But why am I waiting for the other shoe to drop. Let's see how this week goes. I don't want to paint a pretty picture as I've done that before and then boom, something weirder than ever happens, however I don't want to be a Debbie Downer either. So...just going to go about the week, he will be at my place a couple of days and I love that, I can catch up at home on things and enjoy my own space. Otherwise all is well at this time, THANK YOU for keeping me sane, and fingers crossed this week is a good one. Again, many thanks, you all are very empowering, and I don't think I would have had the grace to handle the situation as calmly as I did, without all of you! After all, little Mr. Perfect is what it is all about, I just want to enjoy my Grandson! Thank you for helping me do just that. )

Grammeibe, you're going to need that health insurance because your daughter and son in law are working you into an early grave. Sorry to be so brutal, but I think you already know I'm speaking the truth. They are taking advantage of you on a shocking level and laughing all the way to the bank. They don't care about you and you're grandson won't remember you if you die prematurely. You must stop this nonsense, the whole thing is ridiculous. Tell them to find paid childcare and a cleaner. You can babysit now and then like most normal grandparents do. Your daughter should be ashamed of herself and your son and law should have a word with the God he supposedly worships.

I agree with all comments on here.
Did you get that call yesterday grammiebe? If so I hope you got to say No for a change. ‘No’ needs practice but with practice, it gets easier.

It's good to hear that you are beginning to establish some boundaries, grammiebe, and I have sympathy for your difficulties with your amazingly entitled SIL.
However, I wonder if your being available constantly is contributing to the situation. In your last post, you are anticipating being called for last minute child care, and plan to say " no".
Why are you answering your phone at this time? Could you not be somewhere it needs to be switched off - church, art gallery, coffee with a friend?
Could you be in the wrong place to rush over - an out of town shopping mall, a garden centre a distance away, visiting someone?
I am sad to read of how you are being used for day to day childcare, but a consistent unavailability outside of your " set hours" might make a difference. Good luck.

petra

I couldn’t get past the lack of paragraphs.

Petra, OP is very stressed, paragraphs are not a priority, she is obviously exhausted.

karmalady

Give them a months notice to find a nanny. They are treating you like dirt on their shoes. They don`t love you, nor even care for you. Leave while you still have your health, physically and mentally

Be strong, they are very formal with you so write them a formal dated letter of resignation, just a short one and keep a copy. Book a holiday for the day after the notice period.

Good idea, please take notice OP, you REALLY need a break and some rest,

BlueBelle

Sorry but I find this totally unacceptable I wouldn’t be scrutinised as you are if they trusted me so little they could pay top whack and get a full time nanny
Absolutely no way would I be on camera all day watching me like a criminal She leaves you a list of housework you have to do , she’s a cheeky mare
If you don’t want to be truthful and tackle her fully, then tell them you’re too ill to do these hours

She is taking the pee completely

Totally agree, I am shocked with everything the OP has written. It is now time to say your GP thinks you have (make something up) and that you need rest and will at the hospital for tests on several days. Take a breather, as husband is a blabberer go off somewhere on your own or with a trusted friend, wander round some pretty shops, sit in the library and browse, just have time to relax and remember you are retired. As for the camera, words fail me, I would have put a cover over it! 💐🍷🍰

'You could not muck about with a regular paid baby sitter so why are you trying to muck me around?"

For example, I get to their house at 7:45, then he watches TV for half and hour, showers, lollygags, and strolls into work around 9am

That really is taking the piss proverbial!

"Just what part of NO don't you understand" is another one to remember.

Thank you welbeck! I will! The true test will be this coming Sunday. My daughter and my husband are putting a new washer/dryer in her condo that she rents out to pay for her student loans. I have discussed "who is going to watch the baby" while they do this, a couple of times to confirm, and she said her husband will do it. OK, end of story. If Sunday rolls around and I get a "hey, could you..."...I have "No" ready to go! I love the little guy dearly, but Grandma needs to recharge.

Don't be sneaky.
That is a childish and servile attitude.
You've made a good start in the right direction.
I think some grey rock is now needed.
Don't be so involved in what they are doing or why. His behaviour or her demands.
Step off the unmerry
go round.
Stand back. Live your own life.
As they say on Mumsnet
No is a complete sentence.
Alternate with
That doesn't work for me.
Do
Not
Say
Sorry.
Just that doesn't work for me
Full stop. Repeat as necessary. Do not elaborate or discuss why.
Go to the groceries. Go mad. Eat an ice cream in winter. With sprinkles and chopped nuts. All day. Lolling in the ice cream parlour reading your library book. And texting old grannies here there and everywhere.
Venture on to Mumsnet. As long as you don't mind much friuty language and a distinct and quite refreshing lack of niceness and polite pretence.
I think it might be good for you . . .

FWIW I think you've made the right decision grammiebe. They can hire a nanny and be in no doubt that they wont last a week if they're treated anything like as badly as you are.

Hi Grammiebe
I know exactly how you feel, it is hard to say no, especially in your circumstances. I think you need to be a bit sneaky, maybe ring them at 7am and tell them you’re too sick to leave your bed. You may have to pretend to your husband as well, just for 2 or 3 days. Then when you recover, tell them you can only have the baby at your house so your husband can help too, as you feel to dizzy to drive!