Deep rift with my DD over grandchildren s behaviour

The OP has taken a lot of flack here. It must be wonderful to have children/grandchildren who always do as they're told, play nicely with their siblings, eat all their greens and go to bed willingly and calmly, then drift off to sleep 😴. I have two delightful granddaughters, I look after them a lot, and they certainly test me sometimes. I have two sons, and growing up I just had to glare at them to stop any bad behaviour and they were very well behaved. My granddaughters aren't quite as easy, they dismiss my glare and carry on misbehaving, sometimes I am at the end of my tether with them. Yes, parenting and grandparenting can be a challenge. OP had had enough of her granddaughter's defiance that night, it was late and OP was tired, even if the little girl wasn't. I've been there, done that (at least the other two children went to sleep ok.) In those circumstances, rather than getting myself all hot and bothered about it, I'd have let the girl cuddle up beside me on the couch with a blanket and teddy, and let her gently fall asleep in her own time, then daughter or son-in-law could carry her up to bed when they got home. I think the daughter should have apologised to her mum for having to put up with the girl's behaviour, and thanked her for babysitting. The little girl would get a cuddle from me the next day and be told "sorry I called you a horrible girl, but you must go to bed on time and not make nanny upset and angry, I really love you, can we be friends?" That way, all should be forgiven. We all learn by our mistakes, don't hold a grudge with your daughter, OP, be the bigger person, make contact and get back to being a dear nanny to these children. You have a lot on your plate with your husband being in the care home, it can't be easy trying to be all over the place giving everyone your time. Be kind to yourself, you deserve it 💐

Sago

Just read on another thread that the OP was a teacher.

I am astonished.

Why, one of my previous neibours is a teacher, she had a good reputation, but as a parent some if the things she said and did, astounded me.
I won't go into details but the son is one very mixed up adult.

Just read on another thread that the OP was a teacher.

I am astonished.

Very bizarre. I still can't figure out what sleeping alone has to do with not calling young children brats.

A very bizarre comment, Basgetti.

theworriedwell

So wondering if the OP would feel about her GC being called names is judgemental? She might have come back and said it upset her, you don't know how feels anymore than I do. I definitely feel calling a five year old a brat is horrible, she's a young child.

Considering I've been married for over 40 years I don't sleep alone in my bed very often but say I was a widow would sarky comments about me sleeping alone be appropriate?

That was a bizarre comment, wasn’t it?

I am surprised people are still going on about this. The child is five, she was was called horrible. My guess is she has forgot about it and moved on. It's the adults who are upset.
Honestly what was said did not bother me one bit.
When my Grandson was in year 6, Mothers used to text to tell other Mothers about how hurt their child was because of a bit of name calling. The children really need to get a bit of resilience. The Mother of the OP really needs to wise up and look at the situation as a whole.

So wondering if the OP would feel about her GC being called names is judgemental? She might have come back and said it upset her, you don't know how feels anymore than I do. I definitely feel calling a five year old a brat is horrible, she's a young child.

Considering I've been married for over 40 years I don't sleep alone in my bed very often but say I was a widow would sarky comments about me sleeping alone be appropriate?

theworriedwell

Granatlast007 what a vile way to describe a five year old child.

How very judgmental you are *worried well ' flinging unjustified accusations and comments about that are on a par with your judgement that calling a child a spoilt brat is so very ghastly.
Gosh, such a saint, and what do you dream of my darling when you're alone in your bed.....

Thank you Giuletta
Yes they are much better behaved at my house
I don’t know why but yes I have decided that I will not babysit at their house again

Hard to understand isn't it. Five year olds are so little, babies really. I wonder how the OP feels about her GC being torn apart? Is she happy about it? I can't imagine hearing someone saying that about one of my GC and the eldest is 21. I'd be so disgusted.

theworriedwell

Granatlast007 what a vile way to describe a five year old child.

Agree. It’s shocking how many women are willing to tear an unknown 5 year old female child apart.

Granatlast007 what a vile way to describe a five year old child.

Notjustaprettyface

Well it seems nobody has understood my plea for help
Never mind
I will not apologise to a 5 year old who doesn’t accept authority
She has been badly brought up and that’s the end of that
I fear my Dd will regret her soft parent approach in years to come
Children should be obedient
So I won’t thank u for your help
Once more , this forum disappoints

Children should be obedient
They're not always, though, are they!
Especially when tired.

Once more , this forum disappoints
I assume you've asked for help previously but have been disappointed in the responses.
Have you ever thought that, if the majority disagree with you, it might be time to have a re-think about your responses to situations and whether or not you are taking on too much, consequently becoming tired and stressed?

I mean this kindly.

theworriedwell

Netherbyg84

I'm so sorry you had such an unkind response from people on this forum;
we can all snap under pressure and what you said to the 5 year old is not going to affect her as much as some imply, especially as the mother has no doubt given her endless reassurances that she is not a horrible child.

Well it bothered her enough to tell her mother about it the next day. Yes we can all snap but we are adults and should admit it and discuss the issue like adults. If OP can't cope with babysitting she needs to be grown up and admit it.

It bothered her enough to tell her mother next day or she's a clever little brat who told tales to get her mother on her side and knows perfectly well that there is a problem between mother and grandmother.
I wonder what the mother tells people about her own mother in the child's hearing?!
I also wonder about the state of behaviour in our schools, teachers leaving in droves because of it. Could it be something to do with the lengths children feel they can go and the adults are required to be sweet and ever so nice.
Adults have feelings too, along with ageing, tiredness, illness and other problems and children need to learn a bit of respect, however young they are.
Sometimes this site is so endlessly full of 'wise' advice and lovely, well meaning posts, but we all have a dark side...and not accepting that with a bit of self awareness is the beginning of intolerance and being judgmental.

How so Smileless2012?
to summarise notjustaprettyface’s op: she babysat her 3 grandchildren in their own home,
2 were fractious and one a 5 year old was playing up and refusing to get in bed until late.
Op was tired and lost her temper and said she was a “horrible little girl”. Girl told her Mum. Mum felt “let down”.
Grandma is upset and hurt too because her daughter just didn’t turn up for the cinema trip, and didn’t bother to call and tell her.

Notjustaprettyface

Well it seems nobody has understood my plea for help
Never mind
I will not apologise to a 5 year old who doesn’t accept authority
She has been badly brought up and that’s the end of that
I fear my Dd will regret her soft parent approach in years to come
Children should be obedient
So I won’t thank u for your help
Once more , this forum disappoints

Apologies, all can't agree with you.

Good luck getting on with your daughter.

Good grief Granmarderby your post bears no relation to the OP.

Children are more likely to dwell on granny or grandad or indeed anyone saying something hurtful in anger to them if that has been their only interaction with that person

Perhaps such naughtiness can be reaction to a previous experience of being babysat by someone who they don’t respect and who hasn’t shown them any affection ever.

Children need a balance of love, affection sympathy, kindness, a sense of humour even to cope with occasional grumpy outbursts of a tired grandparent.

I slightly suspect that Mum was a tad annoyed that at least one off her offspring might be difficult to palm off on Grandma and could therefore curtail mums freedom to go anywhere without resorting to friends/payed carers.

I’m confused OP…….are you miffed that more GNetters haven’t supported your original comments?

I totally agree with you, we are all seeing the outcome of ‘gentle’ parenting
No! Permissive parenting maybe. Gentle parenting is a completely different thing and likely to mean we see happy polite and socially aware children!!

I overheard a neighbour telling his four year old son he was a horrible little boy. I was quite shocked to be honest. You should tell children their behaviour is horrible. Not them.

Yes that's why I think calling a particular child a brat isn't the same as the generic army brats.

theworriedwell

Yes my family is navy. My dad was no nonsense but he never called us brats or horrible. Or even shits! He'd have gone mad if anyone else did but he'd also have told us off for bad behaviour.

No, nor us, neither did I.
Although I'm sure I and my DC could be at times.

But 'brat' is a well-known term for Service children. It is not meant in derogatory way.

Menopauselbitch once again I think you are confusing gentle and permissive parenting. Gentle parenting does not mean children aren't corrected and allowed to run wild.