Deep rift with my DD over grandchildren s behaviour

Lol

I would never go against anything my daughter expects. If they misbehave (old terminology) I would just update my daughter once home and leave any possible issue to her. Within reason I let them do what they want. My eldest GS whose coming up to 4. If he does something he shouldn't he normally holds my hand and snuggles into me for a few minutes. He knows he's done wrong so doesn't need me to tell him. They are young for such a short time.

Tell your daughter to look after her own brats in future and not to expect any inheritance. She’ll soon apologise.

Notjustaprettyface

Well it seems nobody has understood my plea for help
Never mind
I will not apologise to a 5 year old who doesn’t accept authority
She has been badly brought up and that’s the end of that
I fear my Dd will regret her soft parent approach in years to come
Children should be obedient
So I won’t thank u for your help
Once more , this forum disappoints

It only disappoints because people don't agree with you, but your choice of words were wrong, saying that to a young child isn't the best way to get them do be co-operative ,you were obviously butting heads by 10 pm but using harsh words to get the upper hand is as bad as smacking and tbh neither really archives anything.
You could have sat with her and tried to talk gently to her.
Why wouldn't she go to bed? You don't say, is it because she didn't want to go at the same time as the smaller children, perhaps you could have asked her to help you settle them then had some quiet time with just the two of you, lights dimmed and TV off, just reading a story of talking to her about school. It might have helped her wind down. Do her parents have problems at bed time? You don't say but you criticise their parenting.
You have probably blotted your copy book for a while and I doubt your relationship with your GD will ever be the same, as trust me she will remember those harsh words said in temper for the rest of her days.

Most of your answers are totally unreasonable.

It depends entirely on the tone of voice the remark was made in, and the usual love and affection between grandmother and grandchild whether calling the little brat a horrible child or not is unreasonable.

We cannot judge the tone of voice, or how the family usually speak to each other.

In your place, I would tell my daughter that if she wants to bring up her children as "snowflakes" who never learn to accept criticism of their unreasonable behaviour or to chose consideration to others, or to do as they are asked, then that is her affair, but she can then find another baby sitter instead of relying on you.

And that while you are happy to see your daughter and the children, in future you would prefer her to be present when an overtired child is unreasonable.

So no one's happy here. Best to leave babysitting out of equation. Step back and away from daughter and grandkids and get a life.

"Children should be obedient" Dear lord - really? And they should "accept authority"? Maybe she's already and quite reasonably learned that respect has to be earned. You are doing nothing to earn it, are you?

Once, when I was a very little girl Gran was bathing me and I kept splashing her, she said she'd scream if I did that again. It was irresistible, I splashed but she screamed!! I got such a fright. We were both upset but I knew it was my fault. I was devoted to Gran and still miss her.

I remember when GD -staying with me aged then 3 and a strong willed girl at the best of times- refused to put her pj’s on at bedtime. I was running out of patience so I just said “Fine, sleep in your clothes or pants then” shut the bedroom door , went downstairs and poured myself a sherry!
A few deep breaths and eventually went back up to her room where she had undressed herself , sort of, and got into bed! She had been crying though and said “ Granny you made me sad” 😢 which I felt bad about but just answered that she had made me sad too so we hugged and made up. Phew!
If I had been stressed, in pain, feeling under the weather ,etc, it might have been different, I do think that the state of health or mood WE are in makes all the difference between getting cross and laughing it off.

nobody died .

You have my heartfelt sympathy for your babysitting evening from hell, Notjustaprettyface.

I had a similar experience doing the school run this morning.

The best I can say is - nobody died.

It seems to me Notjustaprettyface as if this has been blown up out of all proportion.

You don't believe you did anything wrong but it was wrong of you to tell your GD she was horrible. It was wrong of your D to 'tell you off' via a text message, she should have spoken to you about what happened and it was even more wrong of her to simply not turn up to a pre arranged appointment.

More importantly IMO, your D needs to impress on your GD that she has to do what GM tells her and refusing to go to bed is naughty and wont be tolerated. Such behaviour may be tolerated by your D but she shouldn't expect it to be tolerated by you or anyone else who may be looking after her.

He snapped, picked up the boy, tucked him under his arm and told he'd had enough and he was going to put him out in the snow!

😂😂😂

My DGS would have said "Yes, please!!"

I was babysitting once and it was late and my youngest grandson simply wouldn't go to bed. He'd flop down on the floor and I couldn't lift him. It was not long after my knee op. Luckily DH was there too. He usually leaves bedtime and GCs to me. But he'd had enough. He snapped, picked up the boy, tucked him under his arm and told he'd had enough and he was going to put him out in the snow! Instant compliance from boy. Amazingly, after that Grandad became his top favourite relative. Tired people do and say daft things they may regret but occasionally it's worth it!

Calling a child a horrible child is unacceptable. You can say your behaviour is horrible but you have to take grest care with the words you use to a child. I agree you need to apologise to your GC and DD. The quicker you admit you were wrong and apologise ( with no justifications) the sooner it will be mended. Don't let the situation fester. Also don't beat yourself up! We all lose our temper from time to time . You will also be teaching your GC its perfectly ok to apologise when we get something wrong. I hope it all settles down quickly.

What spoiled brats you all must have! 10pm is late for a 5 year old to be going to bed. Presumably she had been allowed to stay up and should have gone nicely to bed. Calling her a horrible little girl is the least of it. She would have been picked up and put physically into the bed if it had been me.

We left my mil with our children one evening. Never again. She apparently shut the eldest one in a cupboard because she was cheeky to her. She could be a very naughty little girl but I thought shutting her in a cupboard was not the way to go. It is not for us to judge, though but for me telling a child she is horrid isn’t that bad . Most of us have been called far worse than that. Unless we have led very sheltered lives !

I think poster is worn out. She should pull back on babysitting when she has to put them to bed..,She is under strain and coping with three chikdren and two acting up is too much at present. Your daughters reaction childish but let but let it go for peace sake., say sorry but you are not coping yourself at the monent and shouldn't have called gc horrible. Then look after yourself and your husband. Bit of distance for a while.

You’re coming across as a bit childish now Notjustaprettyface every time someone gives you some advice that you don’t like, you came back with some kind of tit for tat remark
If this was how the evening with your grandaughter went I can see why it escalated
You really need to look at how you deal with conflict of any kind It’s definitely not how you are dealing with it at present I think this bedtime situation is just the tip of the iceberg you need help before you completely fall to pieces

Notjustaprettyface

No it isn’t a wind up
Please don’t be insulting

So you can insult a 5 year old, but can’t accept valid criticism of how you acted?

The 5 year old was or ably tired too

Yes, when children become over-tired they often behave badly.

Notjustaprettyface

Thank you Starfire57
I will try for his sake but I don’t want to see my daughter if I can avoid it

Your welcome, I am glad you will try. I really, really know how you feel.

The 5 year old was or ably tired too And would rather have had her mum than a grumpy granny who couldn,t see that sitting on her bed and hugging her or reading to her might have resulted in a happy child going to bed.Instead she was wound up by granny being harsh and in my opinion completely out of order .
Yelling and name calling only results in children who grow up to believe that’s how to treat other people….its how bullies are formed .
I never wanted my children or grandchildren to have that mindset bedtimes should be a welcome quiet space not a yelling match between anADULT and a small child
Oh and I don’t believe children must be obedient,that’s why abusers get away with horrific crimes

Oops! I’m sure we all understand. While we are all older and wiser re child rearing we are also older and tire more easily.

Brattish behaviour is very stressful. Stand back and try not to react. Two things will happen- either she’ll improve with age, school, etc or she won’t, in which case you can watch mum reaping her reward.

I wonder if OP brought her children up very strictly, and her daughter is reacting to that by apparently using less discipline with her own children?

I'm with the more recent trend of "fafo" parenting (Google it if you haven't come across it!). One of my daughters with 3 children, also tends towards this. It's not new- I heard about it at a parenting course in 80s. Example- if a child forgets to bring their lunch to school, you don't bring it to them- they won't starve!

I have mixed feelings about apologising to a child for losing your temper- I think they may need to see what happens when they provoke you beyond tolerance! To me it's part of the fafo approach- I don't mean physical violence, but seeing what happens when Granny gets really angry!!

But from this and previous threads, I think OP is a bit too involved with grandchildren and needs to find other interests.