Live over 225 miles away from family

I think if you can afford it then it's a great idea. Go back to hotel and have a good night's sleep. If your husband's recovering from surgery he might be glad of disappearing to have a bit of quiet time.

I would be disappointed it's very thoughtess of them but still go and help out if you can afford it. However I would consider it a one off.

You need to think about whether you are available for this at all. If your husband is recovering, is he up to that drive? It seems pretty rude to ask this of you and not allow you to stay with them for the short time needed. It's up to you if you can and want to do this but you don't have to. Just give them plenty of notice if you can't, so they can make other arrangements. You can also make your help conditional on being given a place to stay for a couple of nights. "I want your help and these are the terms of giving it" doesn't sit right with me. It seems like there should be room for accommodating you while you do them the favour.

Is the birth a planned C-section? Otherwise how do you know when to book the hotel? Will they phone the minute she goes into labour, which might only last for a very few hours with a second baby, so what guarantee is there you'll get there in time, or that a nearby hotel will have a room available? If they'd rather you didn't stay in their spare room they should at the very least pick up the hotel bill themselves. I think they're being very cheeky!

Families ! I would offer to have him down where you live or not at all. They could drop him off to you, not that far when you are young ( certainly not by my standards over here !)

When our first DGC was due, I wanted to go to be nearby soon after the birth and booked an Airbnb.
Like yours, DS and DDiL live a long drive away.

In the end, she was born by emergency C section so DiL stayed several days in hospital and DH and I stayed in their house with our DS.

I wouldn't have wanted my or DHs parents staying at that intense time. So I don't actually think your family are being unreasonable A SHANTY - it's a privilege to be asked to help them out.

Can you travel by train to save driving?

When our first DGS was born, 2 hours drive away, DH and I, also the maternal Grandma, who had travelled from the USA, stayed in a nearby b&b. We spent time with son and family but didn't crowd them. They needed time to be on their own with the baby.

Thank you for all the advice.
I know it’s a privilege to be asked as they have no other friends or family living nearby, so would struggle otherwise.
We’ve been asked to go there about one week before due date (no planned c section) I’ve already mentioned baby may arrive early/late. One of our worries is how long to book accommodation for as we’ve no idea. It may be that we book one place, but need to find somewhere else too if we’re needed sooner or can’t extend our booking if we’re needed longer.
If my husband isn’t up to the drive etc., I’ll have to go by myself.
We need to travel by car as we’ll need access to transport.

"You have been told to find and pay for accommodation". For an unknown time too. Seriously?
And your husband is expected to sit in a car for 5 hours after a hip replacement. He would need to break the long journey and stretch his legs a few times.
They have a spare room. You need to talk to your son and remind him his Dad has had a hip replacement. Much more practical to stay with them so you can look after your husband and the toddler without the financial stress of a hotel. Otherwise surely your son should foot the bill. He's expecting free childcare after all.
You could go alone but do you want to leave your husband alone?
Or your son could bring your grandson to your house as suggested above.
If I were you I would have a converstion with your son and explain things from your end.

Well they’re asking way too much that doesn’t feel like family at all, because they re not thinking about you or your husbands needs. Ashanty they are taking the pxxx

I live in a different world altogether when I was asked to help, With both daughters, (five times) my son had escaped to NZ and she had her own mum nearby it wouldn’t have entered anyone’s head that I wouldn’t stay with them whether I was a nuisance or not They asked my help and I was very happy to help but you’re not a paid nanny you’re a close family member

I do have to squirm at the when they’re in labour THEY are not in labour your daughter in law is doing the hard work not your son, please don’t cow tow to the modern idea that they have equal roles in birth situations
WE are pregnant, no WE are not, the woman is pregnant the man had a fun evening.Drives me mad to hear that expression, there’s nothing equal about giving birth

^I do have to squirm at the when they’re in labour THEY are not in labour your daughter in law is doing the hard work not your son, please don’t cow tow to the modern idea that they have equal roles in birth situations
WE are pregnant, no WE are not, the woman is pregnant the man had a fun evening.Drives me mad to hear that expression, there’s nothing equal about giving birth^

Needed saying! 👏👏👏

And I said just before you MawRisie 😂😂🤣

Oh I see you were quoting but it didn’t come out as a quote 🤣
I thought we had both said the same thing Maw
Well we both agree it’s a horrible, horrible term, men do sweet f a in the ‘manufacturing’ of a baby and there is absolutely no ‘we’ in it

Don’t you remember those early days? Yes you need the help but private family time to bond is so important. Let them relax and not feel they need to host you.
It a shame you don’t see them more often but it is a long drive for a small child.
Do. You make use of screen time? I used to read to my grandchildren via FaceTime when they were little.

Do they have much room? Our daughter and family live in a very small new build. I can stay but it’s not been possible for two of us when my husband was with us.
They would offer to pay for an Airbnb or PI, though (we would have declined and covered it ourselves though because we were better off than they were and it would be delightful to look after our grandchild. Appreciate we were lucky, not everyone can.)

I can see both perspectives- if you were staying with them for a week or more before the birth, it might be a bit trying for all. On the other hand, it would be a chance to get to know your 1st grandchild better, as you must be almost strangers to him you meet so rarely.
I wonder could you suggest a compromise- you stay with them, but agree that you'll go out every day for a good while, including some meals, so you're not hanging around the house. There must be some places of interest around - libraries are useful.
I was asked to stay with son and dil in another country when 2nd child due, but stay with them. Fortunately baby arrived only a few days after I got there, but they ended up longer in hospital. In that hospital, fathers could stay so I had to mind 14 month old, who didn't know me well, for about 4 days- at least I felt useful!

They just haven’t thought it through from your point of view at all, have they?

Market d be looking for some nice holiday accommodation within easy driving distance and book it for a fortnight. A holiday to enjoy with some childcare included. Make it a double treat for you and your husband.

“ They’re in Labour” made me laugh actually. I gave birth very happily on my own ( with a good book) after the first baby because my husband was looking after the others!

I think staying with your son and his wife at this time could be tricky, I agree with them about this. Not all houses are big enough or offer enough privacy for family to stay for longer periods of time.
And your son and DiL know from having had a baby already how difficult the nights can be, not only could they be worried about both of you suffering sleepless nights but they might be traipsing around semi dressed in the night etc.
An Airbnb would be preferable to a hotel or b&b for a longer period, is cheaper and you will both be more comfortable in my opinion. And I do think that once you have looked after your other GC and helped with the baby you will both welcome getting back to your own space.
Going beforehand could be tricky if the baby goes over the due dates so perhaps suggest travelling down a couple of days before the due date not a whole week, if the baby arrives early it will mean booking somewhere on the hoof but this can’t be helped and you might end up with less choice of places to stay but unless your son and DIL live in a prime tourist spot I don’t think will be too much of a problem.
I wish you all the best with this.
💐💐

Can you afford accommodation? If not then you could ask your son to pay.
It's usually possible to book provisionally as we did and cancel later if not required.

Could you leave DH at home and go on your own by train? I certainly couldn't drive for ages after my hip replacement.

There will be options. Don't worry about it yet.

Grammaretto

Can you afford accommodation? If not then you could ask your son to pay.
It's usually possible to book provisionally as we did and cancel later if not required.

Could you leave DH at home and go on your own by train? I certainly couldn't drive for ages after my hip replacement.

There will be options. Don't worry about it yet.

Good point Grammaretto, if the whole venture is too costly the OP needs to be honest with her son and hopefully he will be in a position to help.

Thank you everyone for your comments.
It’s very difficult to know what to do really. It was their suggestion we went down early to help out with GS etc. before the birth of baby 2.
We had no intention of hanging around the house all day, I know they’ll need their own space. We were going to sort out shopping & cooking etc. so they had time to themselves.
They live in a large house in an expensive part of the country, so accommodation is not cheap (we’re both retired so money can be tight) that’s why it’s a problem to find somewhere we can afford for however long they need us to be there.
It’s not an option to drive down as soon as DIL is in labour because we live so far away.
Since GS was born last year we’ve only seen the family 3 times (as my husband has been unwell we’ve been unable to travel that far) and my son & DIL both work full time so are reluctant to travel up to us.
I never imagined being a grandparent could be so difficult, but I suppose it is what it is.

Fallingstar

I think staying with your son and his wife at this time could be tricky, I agree with them about this. Not all houses are big enough or offer enough privacy for family to stay for longer periods of time.
And your son and DiL know from having had a baby already how difficult the nights can be, not only could they be worried about both of you suffering sleepless nights but they might be traipsing around semi dressed in the night etc.
An Airbnb would be preferable to a hotel or b&b for a longer period, is cheaper and you will both be more comfortable in my opinion. And I do think that once you have looked after your other GC and helped with the baby you will both welcome getting back to your own space.
Going beforehand could be tricky if the baby goes over the due dates so perhaps suggest travelling down a couple of days before the due date not a whole week, if the baby arrives early it will mean booking somewhere on the hoof but this can’t be helped and you might end up with less choice of places to stay but unless your son and DIL live in a prime tourist spot I don’t think will be too much of a problem.
I wish you all the best with this.
💐💐

I agree. I actually think its wonderful and trusting to be asked at this special time, but they need space, I totally get that as it is what I would have wished, and tbh it gives both you and your DH time out, DH can rest more.

but I admit, ones own experiences colour our POV.

As long as you can afford it - if you can't, can they? Or half and half?

Just bearing in mind the GN's who feel sad they havent been able to see the baby for a while and here you are around the actual birth.

If it's a large house and local accommodation is expensive, I think it's unreasonable for them to expect you to stay somewhere else. And if dil goes into labour in the middle of the night, you'll need to be on the spot to mind gs.
As someone else said, 2nd babies can arrive quite fast, and labour often starts at night!
After baby is born, and the parents are home, there will be no need for you to stay longer than a couple of days.
There's still time to discuss options with your son, including not going at all if they insist on you paying for accommodation elsewhere.

You have to put up with it, I am afraid.

And each family does things differently.
And especially now there can be other cultures involved too sometimes.

Things may change in the future. Or they may not.