Daughter in Law and false accusations

I wish you all the best in sorting it out Silverma. I can only say that you might be wise in seeing your GC alone for the time being, as that is what their mother has insisted upon. You can also seek advice from social services for advice on protecting yourselves against any further accusations.

How has your husband responded to the account of the remark he was accused of making in 2021?

Do you have evidence that she has reported it to 'The Children's Centre', which is exactly.....?

Were you informed about this remark in 2021 or recently?

What is your son's response to all this?

You, your husband and your son cannot allow these allegations to go unchecked. I suspect they are aimed at her husband and you both but you need to establish exactly what she is saying, who she is accusing, and to whom is she saying it. My feeling is that these are threats, nothing more, and your son is taking the easy way out by not confronting her bad temper.

We do not have enough information in 4 posts to give feedback here from OP + drip feed.

If this happened, this is a serious issue.

Of course the MIL will think her husband did not do it.

Generally speaking, not applicable to this post, the victims of sexual harassment and abuse, it takes them years to speak up and take action.

Also, women, when they speak up, are not believed.

As usual, it is a war between the women in the house and the men are quiet as mice.

Why no posters have asked:
1. What are the personalities of FIL and DIL?
Has anybody else raised concerns about DIL/FIL's comments told to other people?
How does FIL/DIL react to other people, apart from DIL/FIL? Is he/she easy going? happy? reserved?
Both questions apply to both

Of course they don't have to be answered in the forum - it is just questioning the echo chamber.

2. Why is not son doing anything about it?
No, losing his kids is not an excuse

Forgot - this is not about the grandkids, this is about getting to clear this comment and if possible, rebuilding any kind of relationship with the parents.

The poster will not necessarily think her husband has not made the comment but she has not mentioned his response to that or being banned by his DIL from caring for his grandson at all.

Questions are being asked to establish the facts before judging personalities.

Silverma, you say there are no accusations about your granddaughter - are there accusations regarding your Grandson? Or are they solely to do with your husband’s alleged remark to your Dil, made several years ago?

Hithere, I think the OP has given a pretty clear insight into her DIL’s personality, and we have no other source of information. And people have asked why the son isn’t doing anything about the situation, and the OP’s answers give further insight into the relationship/personalities of both son and Dil.

This isn’t necessarily a case of the woman not being believed, or the man being untrustworthy with dil or children. The OP is rather guarded, and it would be a mistake to jump to conclusions. Posters can only consider the information given, which in this case is quite limited.

I totally sympathise with the OP.
We are in a situation that has similarities. We have no idea how to deal with it. We have never come across anyone who behaves like this and are afraid to do anything that might make the situation worse. This means we retreat to be on the ‘safe’ side. Very ,very sad.
I wish you well Silverma

Silverma

I agree, if he had made such comment, it would be completely inappropriate and the matter would have to be addressed and dealt with. However, he did not make any inappropriate comment. I am very sure of that. There are always two sides to a story. In this case though it is simply that my DIL is lying. We have got caught up in this through no wrongdoing by us.

Is this the proof that OP's dh didnt say that comment?

Just making i am in the same page with the rest of the posters

I don’t dismiss any parent when they are concerned about adult males and children. True or not, as a mother I err on the side of caution.

She can choose to keep her child away from your husband. You can choose to not provide childcare.

To add, in this day and age I just don’t take anyone’s wife’s word alone when it comes to inappropriate male behaviour. The amount of women who never suspected anything untoward from some offenders is astounding. DIL could be the most difficult person in the world and I will always give the parent the benefit of the doubt when it comes to safeguarding their own children. Mothers today are hyper-aware and much less willing to excuse or turn a blind eye to certain male behaviour.

Regarding the son, he knows he’s married to someone so dangerous the whole “afraid to lose the kids” argument in 2026 doesn’t hold much weight. It’s usually “I’m afraid to have to put up a fight for my children” like decent parents should and do. No one would be able to accuse my husband of a terrible action toward a child and my son goes along for a quiet life.

*toward his child or spouse.

It's usually I'm afraid to have to put up for a fight for my children sadly this is can be the case .

BlessedArt

I don’t dismiss any parent when they are concerned about adult males and children. True or not, as a mother I err on the side of caution.

She can choose to keep her child away from your husband. You can choose to not provide childcare.

I agree here.

Err on the side of caution.