Gransnet forums


Mothers Day - interested in opinions

(77 Posts)
Mamasperspective Fri 01-Mar-24 11:22:48

Genuinely interested to hear feedback.

If a man has a wife and 2 very young children (and his mother doesn't like his wife so there's no option of all being together) should he be spending Mother's Day with the mother of his kids and making it special for her or should he be spending it with his own mother and visiting with her/taking her out for the day?

maddyone Fri 01-Mar-24 11:36:38

He should share the day between the two.

Galaxy Fri 01-Mar-24 11:39:13

Cant he manage both. Like most people do if they have a wife and a mother.

Purplepixie Fri 01-Mar-24 11:46:28

Why not take your mam out for lunch and then have something on the evening with your wife and children? Women have been dividing themselves in two for years so why not men? It is just for one day.

BlueBelle Fri 01-Mar-24 11:49:03

Spend the day with your wife and kids but make sure you spend at least an hour with card and flowers with your mum if you love her
Mums have to be second in queue when you’re a married man and your kids will want to do something special with their Mum But dont forget your own Mum.

Theexwife Fri 01-Mar-24 12:16:26

As the children are young there have not been many mothers days therefor I think the wife and mother of his children should take priority, his mother has had many mothers days being the number one so now a card or phone call would be sufficient.

Grandmabatty Fri 01-Mar-24 12:21:19

I have little interest in Mother's Day so I'm setting out my stall early. I think you should encourage your children to do something nice for their mother and acknowledge your own mother with a short visit if local. I don't expect anything from my children although I gratefully accept a card. Dd is organising an afternoon tea for her and me on the Saturday. Maybe a Saturday celebration would solve the issue?

kittylester Fri 01-Mar-24 12:21:44

From my point of view, the important mother in this scenario is the mother of the young children.

Whilst my children will always be my children, they have other priorities now.

I would be hurt not to receive a card from them but I'm no longer their main focus - and that, in my view, is the way it should be.

Smileless2012 Fri 01-Mar-24 12:24:05

A lovely card for mum and flowers, delivered if he can't get there on the day and a 'phone call.

petra Fri 01-Mar-24 12:28:57

Not knowing why she doesn’t like you and the children I can’t give an opinion.

fancythat Fri 01-Mar-24 12:31:21

But not take his mum out for the entire day.

Oldbat1 Fri 01-Mar-24 12:37:41

Mother’s Day means absolutely nothing to me. I was not aware of such a thing growing up in Scotland. Is this “new” ie since the 50s? I will tell daughters not to bother - I would be happier if monies were donated to charity. My mum and mum-in-law died a few years ago both lovely people. I would buy flowers throughout different times of the year.

V3ra Fri 01-Mar-24 12:44:27

I think your mother-in-law is local to you, so I'd go with him seeing her on the Saturday and spending Sunday with you and the children.
Then everyone gets a nice day 😊

petra Fri 01-Mar-24 12:49:30


I think your mother-in-law is local to you, so I'd go with him seeing her on the Saturday and spending Sunday with you and the children.
Then everyone gets a nice day 😊

I don’t think it would be a nice day visiting your mother in law knowing she doesn’t like you.

B9exchange Fri 01-Mar-24 12:53:21

From Wikipedia - Mothering Sunday is a day honouring mother churches, the church where one is baptised and becomes "a child of the church", celebrated since the Middle Ages in the United Kingdom, Ireland and some Commonwealth countries on the fourth Sunday in Lent. On Mothering Sunday, Christians have historically visited their mother church—the church in which they received the sacrament of baptism. It gained popularity in response to the originally American Mother's Day, held later in the year. The holiday is often known as "Mother's Day" in the United Kingdom, and has become a secular celebration of mothers and motherhood.

So for me, first and foremost a visit to our local Cathedral, where daffodils are given to any woman who would like them, and then some of my children and their families will turn up for a lunch out before going back to see the other side of their families in the evening.

V3ra Fri 01-Mar-24 12:55:56

petra I meant that Mamasperspective's husband saw his mother on his own on Saturday, not that they all went!!

twinnytwin Fri 01-Mar-24 13:03:28

Despite being a mother and grandmother myself, I have always spent Mothers Day with my Mother. She died a few years ago (aged 94) and I never think of it as being a special day for me, although my children always give me cards etc. My grandchildren will be spending the day with their Mother. I'll be going to put flowers on Mum (and Dad's) gravestone.

Hetty58 Fri 01-Mar-24 13:04:21

I'd give priority to the wife and kids. We're 'retired' mothers after all, so can wait for another day. I find it all a bit embarrassing anyway - to have a set day to 'celebrate' - all a bit fake. That expectation to buy plants, chocolates, lunch etc. is good for businesses but I'd much rather have the garden dug or the gutters cleared.

Mamasperspective Fri 01-Mar-24 13:04:47

I was just genuinely curious.

MIL was really overbearing with our first child (caused our daughter medical issues through feeding her things she was told the doctor has said she wasn't allowed, would refuse to hand the baby over, insisted on visiting every day and didn't give any space for postnatal recovery, would be extremely insensitive with topics of conversation which caused a lot of upset as it was to do with my mother passing away ... lots more, too much to mention)

Anyway, last year he spend it with his mum and I stayed home with our baby and watched tv (it was my first Mother's Day) so I don't hold out much hope for this year (we have a newborn too now) but just wondered what the general consensus would be. I don't intend to make an issue of it, my view is, if he wanted to, he would.

RosiesMaw Fri 01-Mar-24 13:09:30

Where is the wife on Mothers Day then? Or doesn’t her own mother get a look in?
If the geographical location fits- breakfast in bed plus flowers from husband and young children, then he takes his Mum out to lunch and she takes hers (or visits) likewise.
Or make it Saturday/Sunday.
But I do suspect an agenda to OP’s question!

Norah Fri 01-Mar-24 13:23:36

I'd think your husband would want to be with you, the mother of his children on Mother's Day? I can't imagine why he needs to be spending it with his own mother and visiting with her/taking her out for the day.

LauraNorderr Fri 01-Mar-24 13:23:44

In my opinion the most recent to become a mother comes first. I expect my boys to help their children to make a fuss of their mum just as Orlin did for me.
A card, flowers, lunch. None of these are proof of love. I am confident that my boys love me and glad that they respect my wishes to concentrate on the mother of their children. I want for nothing, I do not want any more cards having just disposed of hundreds in my ruthless downsize to a cosy little flat. A phone call or WhatsApp message much appreciated. Last year I asked for donations for the mums of Ukraine’s children if they really wanted to spend money. I’m pleased that all our boys did just that. I shall suggest the same again this year.

chris8888 Fri 01-Mar-24 13:28:49

The mother of his children comes first and a phone call to his Mum at least. I need to hear a voice on special days not get a txt but that is probably just me.

Galaxy Fri 01-Mar-24 13:30:57

My mother in law is dead unfortunately. If my husband hadnt made an effort for her whilst on Mothers Day whilst she was alive I wouldnt have wanted him as a father of our children.

AlwaysSmiling Fri 01-Mar-24 13:36:40

I never had this problem as my husband's parents died a few months after we met, but if I was in your shoes I would want my husband to take our children to visit his mum with a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates. When they returned we would have our own Mother's day tea. To be honest, it was always Mother's day in our home as I was truly loved by my husband and children so never needed a special day to show how much I was loved.