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Grandparenting

Over protective dinl

(10 Posts)
Blossom1 Wed 26-Aug-26 16:31:03

I've recently had quite a fraught relationship with my eldest son's wife, goodness knows why as before the wedding, we got on very well.
Anyway, my son asked if I would like to have my granddaughter this Thursday.
Now because of the predicted wet weather, I thought I'd take her on the train to Birmingham to visit the back to back houses, lunch and a shopping treat. She's 8 in 2 weeks, so thought it would be a nice birthday treat. She also has mild autism. My youngest son has autism, so i do know what I'm doing, I also taught for 25 years, specialising in SEN kids, so I'm not inexperienced in dealing with small children with autism.
So today she's told me that I can't take her on the train, as she's never been on a train before, and her mum wants to take her for the first time. I can't take her to Birmingham as she may be overwhelmed and my Dinl doesn't know what others intentions towards my gd may be, and the plans I had for the day wouldn't be of interest to my gd anyway...despite the fact I was brought up in a back to back and could share my daily life with her. She's very bright and articulate and would love to talk about nanny's childhood
It is however, perfectly acceptable to take her to my house and do craft activities all day, watch TV, which she never does at mine and read.
Non of my other friends with grandchildren have these restrictions, my other son and his fiancé let me do whatever I like with their son. Her other nanny, who has her much more than me, which is fine, has taken her all over the place...including he sealife centre... in Birmingham!
I'm feeling furious atm, but i want to see my granddaughter so will presumably have to abide by her wishes.
Any advice?

midgey Wed 26-Aug-26 16:43:02

Make plans but don’t tell her? Or is that dishonest?

sparkle1234 Wed 26-Aug-26 16:47:10

Oh dear ! It does sound as though she is anxious and that probably doesn't have anything to do with your abilities. I can understand that you must be disappointed but perhaps she has seen behaviour in her daughter that you may not have witnessed . On this occasion I would let it go and maybe you could both take her together on the train another time . She's worried for both of you I think . A train ride may be just too much for her daughter to cope with and I hate to say it because you sound like such a loving Grandma but she does know her daughter better than you .Enjoy doing something else with her and don't rock the boat .

Fallingstar Wed 26-Aug-26 16:54:46

I imagine with your gd having autism your DiL could be overly cautious, and although you have experience of autism she may still feel worried about your plans. Would stick to the craft activities and the telly or reading. I know is frustrating but you still get to spend time with your gd.
I hope it all goes well.

Fallingstar Wed 26-Aug-26 16:55:26

Sorry sparkle1234 crossed posts!

Lathyrus3 Wed 26-Aug-26 17:04:12

No advice about family but

have you got a booking fir the Back to Backs. Its still holiday tme and you probably wont get in without one.

The trains are also not very reliable at the moment with a reduced service on lots of the main lines into Birmingham.

The weather forecast is pretty bad too.

Honestly its a trip I’d save for another time any way.

Maybe her mum’s thinking a bit like me 😬

Humbertbear Wed 26-Aug-26 17:13:48

Oh gosh - you should see the list of restrictions we had. We just made the best of it and did what we could. Young children find anything exciting - we used to get the bus to a Harvester for lunch. We did lots of crafts and painting and cooking.

Blossom1 Wed 26-Aug-26 17:16:23

Don't tempt me! 😂

crazyH Wed 26-Aug-26 17:25:09

What’s a back to back house ? A street of terraced houses ?

Lathyrus3 Wed 26-Aug-26 17:27:39

Two streets really. The back of each house adjoins the back of its counterpart in the next street as well as each side.