Emotionally dependent adult son

'I would so happily do something new in my life then'

Does this statement mean you are always available to him and put off things you want to do to accommodate him? If so then you need to not be so 'available' I'm not saying ignore his calls but be busy when he calls and tell him to do trust his own judgement and will contact him when you aren't so busy. While he knows you are at the end of the phone all the time he is still going to rely on you.

I hope the counselling helps him but maybe a bit of a step back from you will also encourage him.

Thank you both, welling up at the kindness of strangers. Bizarrely I trained as a therapist (ironically discovering my husband was having an affair half way through stopped me finishing as I unravelled!). You are both right, yes - he may not have had all the emotional support when his sister arrived, though others say I spoilt him then. I just want him to find what he wants, self confidence first, then a partner and hopefully a family. I would so happily do something new in my life then, and stop beating myself up which is no use to anyone!

Please don't cut him off but maybe you should give yourself a bit of a break. You need to some respite. Can you take a long holiday, preferably where you can't be contacted easily. Antarctica springs to mind? Seriously, I think that as long as you are readily available he will never take responsibilty for his own life. Maybe when he phones for advice you could just say "I don't know." I went for a short break with a friend whose whole family never stopped phoning her for advice or to update her. It wore me out, never mind her!

Good post paddyann

I'm sure you aren't alone in struggling with an adult child who is over dependent Geraldine. It's positive that he is seeing a therapist.
I wonder why you are considering cutting him off completely, it's probably a sign of how worn out you are by the situation. Have you considered seeing a therapist yourself? This isn't a criticism, it's something that could help you make the changes you want to in your relationship with your son. He is 40 years old, the way his adult life has been isn't all down to his mother. Look after yourself and find a way of changing the way you respond to his calls for advice - stay calm!

I wouldn't cut him off I think he needs help not abandoned.My children 39 and 29 ask advice regularly and I'm usually happy to give it where appropriate ...then they can discard it as they wish.Did your son feel he got less support growing up than his siblings as your daughter is disabled and the other boy is "the baby" ,maybe he felt left out then and just wants to make sure you care about him as much as his siblings.I see alot of people around his age who behave in ways I dont think we did ,they believ they're too young to settle down and still want to party with their friends.Hopefully he'll meet someone who is on the same page he is and then they'll "grow up* together