A right miserable wail.

I echo all above. Can I add that accessing support is not impossible.
I would begin with Macmillan as thy are the biggest charity, with the widest reach. Go on to their website, get a contact and tell them exactly what you have said. They are used to families doing this - your DiL needs time to process it all.
Of course, you my not feel you need it, but it is there if you do.
I would especially look up how best to deal with the children, get some things to say and do organised in your own mind. They will need you to be straight with them when their parents are too upset to cope.

Eat as many Rolo's as you like for what you have to face is going to need every ounce of energy you can muster.
I am not a religious person but I can assure you that when the time comes you will be given the strength to cope and give your family the support they will need.
Don't be afraid to ask for assistance in preparing the children for what is to come neither you or your DS must go it alone.DH grumpiness is a normal reaction as he must feel out of his depth and floundering as to what he can do in such tragic circumstances. Rant and Rave
and anything else ,that's what we are here for.

I am full of admiration for the way you are coping. Have either you or your son been put in touch with a support group? If not, do please consider it - talking to someone outside the family is often easier than talking to the others in the family, and the people in the support groups do know what you are up against.
It should also be possible to find professional help from those used to talking to bereaved, or about to be bereaved children.

Don't get me wrong: I'm not suggesting outside help because you aren't coping, I am genuinely full of admiration for what you are doing, but I know it helps to spread the load and have others to discuss the worries and problems and emotions with. (My sister died of cancer in January last year, she was 60, too young to die, but the thought of a young mother dying is much more horrible)

Try if you can to have an honest talk with DH about how he is feeling right now. I know most men would rather be grumpy than admit that they are sad, angry and so on, but I think Swanny is on the right track.

Love and best wishes for you all, keep us posted, if you can

..oh the best thing for you to do is 'wail' on here..let it all out..its good for you...?? I think you are amazing...and my heart goes out to you and your family...take care..wail away..scream if must!! Do not keep stress inside ...✨x

You are doing a terrific job.On a practical side maybe see you G.P. re your foot and general life.I have found support stockings very helpful when I have to look after kids day after day.Do not worry about your diet,try having cut up apples and carrots for yourself and kids.Good luck my heart goes out to you and your family.

Speak to your DH quietly when you are on your own together.
Explain that you need him to help you to cope with everything that's happening.
Ask him to help you with planning how to help the children, and with actually doing it.

If DH continues to be unhelpful, ask him to go out while the children are with you, or at least just ignore him.

It's understandable that he is floundering too, but it's not reasonable for you to have to cope with poor behaviour from him, as well as everything else.

You are doing wonderfully well in a horrendous situation. Be kind to yourself. {{{hugs}}}

You're doing very well indeed under the circumstances and you deserve that last Rolo.
Rant away all you need on this forum, we're here to hold your hand.

My dear morethan, I am only an occasional poster, but just wanted to say I am thinking of you and your family. Life is so hard sometimes and you've certainly got more than your share to cope with. Now is not the time to bother about trivia like calories - if you fancy a bit of choc, go for it. I hope you and your DH are OK. Maybe get the doc/practice nurse to take a look at your sore foot? Hang in there. Please let us know how you are doing.

OP your post made me cry. What a hard time you are going through. Young kids are so tiring. Don't put pressure on yourself to lose weight. Be kind to yourself. Can I suggest you buy a porter loo for the kids to go downstairs. Save you keep going up and down the stairs. They are easy to empty and to clean and disinfectant you use smells ok. I rented a cottage with the loo downstairs. One night I needed the loo. Fell down the stairs. So bought a porter loo for the bedroom. I was working away at the time.

Thoughts are with you ...you are doing really well in coping ..but you must sort out the problem with your foot or you will feel worse ...and then find support ...as people have said, McMillan may be the first port of call ....with the holiday season coming up there may be organised activities for small children in your area ...try Mumsnet ..there will be details of events ...and I know they would welcome you and your GC's given the circumstances ..please get in touch with your local branch of NCT if your GC's are very small ..although it is the National Childbirth Trust they also have activitie involving parents and children ...and again, in the circumstances I am sure you would be very welcome, and having people to talk to and share the burden would be good for you ...a bit like counselling but not so one to one or structured.

I don't know if you go to any type of religious church, but if so, there would be support for you there ....many Churches nowadays run play groups, mums groups, and of course there would be a religious leader to talk to , who will have been used to dealing with this type of problem, and may be able to point you in the direction of someone or an organisation that helps with childhood bereavement ..I believe (but don't know its title !) there is a book aimed at children which is about bereavement and many people have said it has helped them. Your son will need support as well..there is an organisation for young widows.widowers which could probably help ...if you look onn the internet you should be able to find it and even if he doesn't want to look now, it may help in the future.

A very sad dilemma for you ......please feel free to vent all frustrations and anger, and problems on here ...we are all here for you ! sending hugs (and virtual ROLOs !)

morethan2 I've just read your post and I'm so sorry that you and your family are having such a hard time. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful - but very tiring- job and it's no wonder you are grouchy sometimes. I am grouchy sometimes too and I have nothing like the sort of sadness, pressure and responsibilities that you have.

I haven't yet read people's comments to you but I guess they think you're doing really well too. I just wanted to express my admiration and urge you to stop feeling guilty - you really shouldn't.

You and OH must be so worried and it sounds as if you are coping really well in the circumstances what an action packed weekend, very tiring. Do get your foot looked at as soon as you can

Oh you poor lady,i really dont know how i would cope and it seems like you are and admirally too.

How i wish i could wave a magic wand and change all of this it is heartbreaking for all of you.

Sending physical and emotional strength, hugs and goodwishes.

Bless you ! I admire you enormously. Keep on keeping on. Hugs and kisses for you xxx

Oh my goodness morethan, you poor darling. My heart goes out to you. You are carrying an enormous amount on your shoulders so it is no wonder that you feel so utterly miserable and grouchy. You are not a machine morethan, and you cannot function like one. You need some, no, LOTS of TLC too !!!!!
Keep us posted, but in the meantime:
?

In order to help others u have to look after urself. That's a motto I had to keep in mind several times over the last few years, but I it's true. U need downtime for urself too. Get supporting strategies in place now. McMillan are a good help. Do you have homestart near you to help your little grandchildren? Your son needs support too, can he get some from his friends? Your daughters family, are they around? It's very hard on you all but it's essential u get respite too in order to keep going or u won't be able to help everyone if ur burned out. Good luck.

morethan2 ❤

I'm so sorry to read about you're worries morethan2 It is so terrible. I'm sending you positive thoughts to help you through this difficult time. Best wishes to you and your family. (((Hugs))) [flowers}

So sad, but you must be kind to yourself too as you can't give from empty!
Sending a big hug xx

Morethan2 sending (((hugs))) You have an awful lot on your plate.
I feel like this at times and I am sure many others on here do.
We should not be ashamed if we indulge in a whinge and a whine when we feel the need. We cannot bottle things up for ever.
We need a chocolate dispensary on GN. I was feeling in need of some today but ALDI was too far to get to.

morethan2 My heart goes out to you, I can't imagine what you are all going through.As Hm999 says, 'love you nanna' notes show that you are doing great.

Sending love to you and your family at this time.

((((((hugs))))))

You be grumpy and fed-up and sad. I'm thinking of you and sending hugs. You must be exhausted physically and mentally. You know the children are losing their mother and your son his wife but trying to be strong and capable for them. You are doing a really great job. Please indulge yourself. WIne/sweets/chocolate whatever.

I presume you are claiming all the right benefits? PIP etc? I know it's only money but you can use it to buy help etc

If you’re living with a terminal illness you may be able to claim Personal Independence Payment under the special rules. This means if you’re not likely to live for more than six months, your claim will be fast-tracked and if you qualify you’ll get the benefit at the highest rate. This timeframe is set by the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) and Social Security Agency (SSA).

I think they are Galen. but can't be sure because of this pretence that everything is alright. Well it's becoming more clear that they are not managing at all. I spoke to my son yesterday and brought up the subject of counselling for him. His answer was "if I've got a problem I'll talk to you not some do gooder" I did say it's often better to talk to somone you don't know, but I didn't force the issue. Today I found my DiL in absolute tears. She tells me that my son has been horrible to her today and it's the first full day that she's managed to get up. She said she knows she's being a tad over sensitive. She says he told her not to have the chemo. She's really distraught. She told me because she said if her mum found her in this state there'd be real trouble. ( we had a bit of a giggle as we talked about what her mum would do( who'd blame her) and she calmed down a little) I know that my son just wants it all to go away and he's probably having a major wobble himself, but all this pretence that all is well is not working. I think it's time for me to bring some of the problems out in the open. I think I need to make it clear that this is a crises that involves all the family. We need to arrange for the children to have packed lunches and we'll pay for a whole term. It's a nightmare shopping and making all those lunches and I think they've been reluctant to because the children don't like some school dinners ( tough they'll get use to them) plus I think money's tight and they feel bad about us paying but they need to know that we're all in this together and we're not poverty stricken and can afford to take some emotional and financial strain. My DiL needs to TELL me what needs doing I'm not a mind reader and I've got the time to do stuff. I can either sit here crying and worrying myself sick or I can do the ironing and shopping. I'm going to try to tactfully have a talk this weekend otherwise this family will not survive the next round of chemo. I already have two little girls who asked to come home with me upstairs with tummy aches. They accidentally walked in and saw mummy crying and must have noticed she'd been in her bedroom for a whole week. Poor little mites