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A right miserable wail.

(80 Posts)
morethan2 Mon 10-Jul-17 14:55:40

I'm feeling really miserable today. I had all three of my grandchildren over the weekend. (more chemo for dilsad It was hot hot hot, they were hard work all the shopping and preparation, shopping for packed lunches, washing school uniforms. The youngest left me little notes saying "love you nanna'" lovely but made me feel guilty at my occasional grouchyness. I feel a proper failure. My husband was grumpy probably because he was tired, but I just don't need to try to keep reminding him of why we have the littleuns. The top of one of my feet is really sore and a bit swollen so running up and down the stairs to help wipe a little bottom hasn't helped nor has five hours in the park.or watching all three's swimming lessons for two hours the next day I feel as if all my fears of not coping when the going got tough are about to be realised. My son told me yesterday that he'd been told that he "must face up to the fact that his wife is terminal" so went into school to tell them that his wife is ill and the time is coming to tell the children at the very least the affect of the treatment on her. I don't really want any sympathy I'm feeling sorry enough for myself. I've ate a whole packet of Rolo's and left over MM's and I'm suppose to be trying to loose a bit of weight. My son is starting to look disheveled.He really reminded me of my father today and that took my breath away. I hope if the time comes he handles a disaster better than he would. I could wail honest I could. Worse still I feel so horribly guilty, who am I to whinge and whine when it's so much worse for her and her family. I really need to pull my self together

annsixty Mon 10-Jul-17 15:09:41

We are here for you, not very practical I know, but you can wail and rant and sob and we will understand. My heart goes out to your son sad

tanith Mon 10-Jul-17 15:09:48

What a terrible time for everyone it's no wonder you are all grumpy,tetchy,dishevelled and miserable I'm sure we all would be in your shoes. I can quite understand your need to 'wail' but we don't , do we? Maybe we should sad.
Keep doing what you are doing by supporting everyone it's what's holding them all up but who's holding you up? Try taking a little time for yourself just a walk might help.

I take my hat off to you ((((((hugs)))))

Greyduster Mon 10-Jul-17 15:18:01

You are not a failure for being grouchy, or feeling you're not coping; you are not a failure at all. Even when all is right with the world small children can be very hard work. We only have one - I don't know what it would be like with three and you are doing a heroic job, morethan, under awful circumstances. By all means have a wail, but please be kind to yourself and keep telling yourself you are doing a first class job, because that's the truth and your family know it and need you.
And you never even saved me a Rollo!!

Greenfinch Mon 10-Jul-17 15:23:17

What a lot you have to put up with but you must have the satisfaction of knowing you are doing all you can to help in a very difficult situation.You must be feeling devastated but you will have the strength to do what you have to.You are obviously giving them so much love.You are certainly not a failure.Just the opposite in fact.

Stansgran Mon 10-Jul-17 15:25:15

Hugs to you. Are you near anyone who could help in the great gransnet scheme of things? It's good that you are grouchy as children need normal not people trying to be nice because life is being horrrid to them.

NfkDumpling Mon 10-Jul-17 15:25:31

((((((((Hugs)))))))) flowers. You're wonderful morethan! Phenomenal Woman!

Alima Mon 10-Jul-17 15:44:45

You must not bottle things up morethan, vent your feelings on here as it may help. My heart goes out to you and your family.

grannysue05 Mon 10-Jul-17 16:12:03

Thinking about you Morethan2 . You are really, really tired from the sound of things. My heart goes out to you.
All I can say is ...hang on .... I have been through similar, and somehow you find the strength to keep things afloat.
The horrible , clammy hot weather has not helped as it saps your energy.
I send love and warm wishes to you and I am thinking about you and your family.
Keep going. flowers

Jalima1108 Mon 10-Jul-17 16:12:09

Yes, come on here and vent away if that helps.

It's very hard work and can be quite stressful looking after DGC at the best of times but three together all over the weekend and seeing to all their normal activities must be a strain.
Added to which is all the anxiety about your DIL and wanting to support your son, you must feel as if you're run ragged.

It's no good trying to diet at the same time; perhaps you need to put that on the back burner for the time being because you need to be in a good place to diet, although healthy eating could help you gain energy. You may find, with all the extra work load and stress that the weight comes off without thinking about that anyway.


NanaandGrampy Mon 10-Jul-17 16:19:29

First of all , Congratulations - in your shoes I would have finished off the liquor cabinet and said sod the rolos !!

Secondly, my heart goes out to you to have so much on your plate right now.

You're right the heat didn't help but you're being super hard on yourself. I think maybe its time to let standards slip a little {smile] so forget the diet. As Jalima says - its not the right time to add to your burden.

Please don't feel guilty. Feel sad, feel unhappy, feel hurt but not guilty. You are plainly doing ( and have been doing for some time) everything and more .

Is there any chance of a little downtime for you to simply breathe?

I'm sending you all the positive vibes I can muster and saying 'You're doing an amazing job' !!!

Granny23 Mon 10-Jul-17 16:29:15

Off course you have the right to wail and whine - this IS your family, who (including yourself) have already and are soon to have their lives torn apart even more. It may not seem so at the moment but you are luckier than some who are also faced with 'the worst' happening but because of circumstances cannot offer any practical help or support. You do have that opportunity - to keep life as normal as possible for the children, to give them extra cuddles, a bit of leeway, (they will know something is wrong), reassure them and be a shoulder to cry on/lean on for your son.

With the summer holidays looming, you could investigate playschemes, sports courses etc. which would keep the children happily occupied and give you a break. Also think you need to get your DH on board so that you have back up for yourself. Maybe show him this thread? Tap into any available support e.g. Mcmillan Nurses.

Finally, you will cope, you will be amazed at how you can carry on, you will wonder where you found the strength. Just as love grows and expands to encompass a new child or grandchild, it will swell to allow you to support your family through this awful time.

Auntieflo Mon 10-Jul-17 17:07:55

Ah Morethan, what a lot to cope with. As the other posters have said, come here and rant and rave, we can be here for you, in spirit if not in the flesh. It might help to take the pressure off a bit. Sorry to hear that your DH is/was grumpy, he probably is feeling awful as well and doesn't know how to express it. Your dear son must be all over the place, but he has you, and so do the little ones. Sending love to you and hope that you find the support that you all need right now.

Iam64 Mon 10-Jul-17 17:58:55

Ahh more than, you didn't sound like you were having a miserable wail. What a physically emotionally exhausting weekend you had, even without the emotional impact of your daughter in laws diagnosis. Your son must be experiencing every emotion in no particular order. To see him looking like your father must have been one of those moments we never forget.
Please eat as many Rolo's, MandM's and anything else you fancy.
Sending love and positive thoughts x

phoenix Mon 10-Jul-17 18:13:16

Don't know what to say, a horrible situation that you wouldn't wish on anyone.

Sending every good wish to all concerned.


Cherrytree59 Mon 10-Jul-17 18:22:50

My darling woman you are doing a sterling job!
How you keep soldiering on when your heart is breaking I just do not know.
You are being everything to everyone.
You find the strength to be a caring mother, mother in law and grandmother.
I salute you

You deserve more than a rolo or two

It could be that it is time to speak to the children as they pick up more than we know.
flowers. Love and hugs

nanaK54 Mon 10-Jul-17 18:48:33

I don't have any words of wisdom - I really wish I did.....
Just adding good wishes to you and your family

Antonia Mon 10-Jul-17 19:14:10

What a dreadful time you are having morethan2. You are doing everything possible to help so there is no need to feel a failure, you are doing a fantastic job in very difficult circumstances. Hugs to you and flowers

mammabear Mon 10-Jul-17 19:28:30

Sending you hugs and kisses to you and your family.

Take care of yourself.

hulahoop Mon 10-Jul-17 19:47:59

That's what us grand are here for to support each other when the going gets tough you are doing a terrific job in what are horrible circumstances and those children will always remember you being there for them they won't remember a bit of gouchines. Best wishes to you all 🎀

kittylester Mon 10-Jul-17 19:59:41

What ay everyone has said and huge (((hugs))). Please off load here if it helps.

cornergran Mon 10-Jul-17 20:20:00

More (((hugs))) from me. You're an absolute rock, if an exhausted one right now, as others have said be as kind to yourself. Of course you get tetchy at times, why wouldn't you, it's normal. Rollos and M&M's? Definitely the coldest bottle of wine I could find. Keep offloading here, it's what we are for.

Swanny Mon 10-Jul-17 20:33:54

morethan2 this is an immediate reaction to you OP - haven't read the whole thread yet.

Wail and rant and tell us how stressed you are as much as possible here. We can't make it better but we can send all the hugs you can cope with to pass on strength for you, your DS and all the family. No questions, no demands, just SUPPORT for you and all you are able to do for them xx

Swanny Mon 10-Jul-17 20:50:07

OK, I've read the other posts now and there are some great words of wisdom. How much do the children know about their mother's illness? They will cope better if they're prepared in a gentle way and that may be best coming from you and your son together. Your DH's grumpiness may well be down to him worrying and being fearful of the outcome, as well as being concerned about how you are coping. As for guilt and failure - they are emotions that, as a mother, naturally occur when you can't do anything to make everything better for those you love. Horrible times, so let us help carry the burden xx

Swanny Mon 10-Jul-17 20:53:02

PS What about DDIL's parents? How are they coping? Are they local and are they able to help? flowers for everyone