A right miserable wail.

No words, just {{{HUGS}}}

If your DIL has worked in the right tax years, she may also be able to get Emoloyment Support Allowance

morethan you are being so strong for the family. Don't forget to make time for your needs as well, as it sounds as though things will get tougher and there will be (or you will feel) more demands on you. Easy for me to say I know, but my heart is willing you strength. Please keep posting - you can give us your anger and despair so that you have comfort to give your family (((hugs)))

I think you're right morethan2. At least the adults need to be more open about everything.
(If they've applied for PIP that would have really brought it home to them. No wonder they're falling apart.)

morethan my heart goes out to you all. Thank goodness they have you.

I think they are Galen. but can't be sure because of this pretence that everything is alright. Well it's becoming more clear that they are not managing at all. I spoke to my son yesterday and brought up the subject of counselling for him. His answer was "if I've got a problem I'll talk to you not some do gooder" I did say it's often better to talk to somone you don't know, but I didn't force the issue. Today I found my DiL in absolute tears. She tells me that my son has been horrible to her today and it's the first full day that she's managed to get up. She said she knows she's being a tad over sensitive. She says he told her not to have the chemo. She's really distraught. She told me because she said if her mum found her in this state there'd be real trouble. ( we had a bit of a giggle as we talked about what her mum would do( who'd blame her) and she calmed down a little) I know that my son just wants it all to go away and he's probably having a major wobble himself, but all this pretence that all is well is not working. I think it's time for me to bring some of the problems out in the open. I think I need to make it clear that this is a crises that involves all the family. We need to arrange for the children to have packed lunches and we'll pay for a whole term. It's a nightmare shopping and making all those lunches and I think they've been reluctant to because the children don't like some school dinners ( tough they'll get use to them) plus I think money's tight and they feel bad about us paying but they need to know that we're all in this together and we're not poverty stricken and can afford to take some emotional and financial strain. My DiL needs to TELL me what needs doing I'm not a mind reader and I've got the time to do stuff. I can either sit here crying and worrying myself sick or I can do the ironing and shopping. I'm going to try to tactfully have a talk this weekend otherwise this family will not survive the next round of chemo. I already have two little girls who asked to come home with me upstairs with tummy aches. They accidentally walked in and saw mummy crying and must have noticed she'd been in her bedroom for a whole week. Poor little mites

If you’re living with a terminal illness you may be able to claim Personal Independence Payment under the special rules. This means if you’re not likely to live for more than six months, your claim will be fast-tracked and if you qualify you’ll get the benefit at the highest rate. This timeframe is set by the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) and Social Security Agency (SSA).

I presume you are claiming all the right benefits? PIP etc? I know it's only money but you can use it to buy help etc

You be grumpy and fed-up and sad. I'm thinking of you and sending hugs. You must be exhausted physically and mentally. You know the children are losing their mother and your son his wife but trying to be strong and capable for them. You are doing a really great job. Please indulge yourself. WIne/sweets/chocolate whatever.

morethan2 My heart goes out to you, I can't imagine what you are all going through.As Hm999 says, 'love you nanna' notes show that you are doing great.

Sending love to you and your family at this time.

((((((hugs))))))

Morethan2 sending (((hugs))) You have an awful lot on your plate.
I feel like this at times and I am sure many others on here do.
We should not be ashamed if we indulge in a whinge and a whine when we feel the need. We cannot bottle things up for ever.
We need a chocolate dispensary on GN. I was feeling in need of some today but ALDI was too far to get to.

So sad, but you must be kind to yourself too as you can't give from empty!
Sending a big hug xx

I'm so sorry to read about you're worries morethan2 It is so terrible. I'm sending you positive thoughts to help you through this difficult time. Best wishes to you and your family. (((Hugs))) [flowers}

morethan2 ❤

In order to help others u have to look after urself. That's a motto I had to keep in mind several times over the last few years, but I it's true. U need downtime for urself too. Get supporting strategies in place now. McMillan are a good help. Do you have homestart near you to help your little grandchildren? Your son needs support too, can he get some from his friends? Your daughters family, are they around? It's very hard on you all but it's essential u get respite too in order to keep going or u won't be able to help everyone if ur burned out. Good luck.

Oh my goodness morethan, you poor darling. My heart goes out to you. You are carrying an enormous amount on your shoulders so it is no wonder that you feel so utterly miserable and grouchy. You are not a machine morethan, and you cannot function like one. You need some, no, LOTS of TLC too !!!!!
Keep us posted, but in the meantime:
?

Bless you ! I admire you enormously. Keep on keeping on. Hugs and kisses for you xxx

Oh you poor lady,i really dont know how i would cope and it seems like you are and admirally too.

How i wish i could wave a magic wand and change all of this it is heartbreaking for all of you.

Sending physical and emotional strength, hugs and goodwishes.

You and OH must be so worried and it sounds as if you are coping really well in the circumstances what an action packed weekend, very tiring. Do get your foot looked at as soon as you can

morethan2 I've just read your post and I'm so sorry that you and your family are having such a hard time. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful - but very tiring- job and it's no wonder you are grouchy sometimes. I am grouchy sometimes too and I have nothing like the sort of sadness, pressure and responsibilities that you have.

I haven't yet read people's comments to you but I guess they think you're doing really well too. I just wanted to express my admiration and urge you to stop feeling guilty - you really shouldn't.

Thoughts are with you ...you are doing really well in coping ..but you must sort out the problem with your foot or you will feel worse ...and then find support ...as people have said, McMillan may be the first port of call ....with the holiday season coming up there may be organised activities for small children in your area ...try Mumsnet ..there will be details of events ...and I know they would welcome you and your GC's given the circumstances ..please get in touch with your local branch of NCT if your GC's are very small ..although it is the National Childbirth Trust they also have activitie involving parents and children ...and again, in the circumstances I am sure you would be very welcome, and having people to talk to and share the burden would be good for you ...a bit like counselling but not so one to one or structured.

I don't know if you go to any type of religious church, but if so, there would be support for you there ....many Churches nowadays run play groups, mums groups, and of course there would be a religious leader to talk to , who will have been used to dealing with this type of problem, and may be able to point you in the direction of someone or an organisation that helps with childhood bereavement ..I believe (but don't know its title !) there is a book aimed at children which is about bereavement and many people have said it has helped them. Your son will need support as well..there is an organisation for young widows.widowers which could probably help ...if you look onn the internet you should be able to find it and even if he doesn't want to look now, it may help in the future.

A very sad dilemma for you ......please feel free to vent all frustrations and anger, and problems on here ...we are all here for you ! sending hugs (and virtual ROLOs !)

OP your post made me cry. What a hard time you are going through. Young kids are so tiring. Don't put pressure on yourself to lose weight. Be kind to yourself. Can I suggest you buy a porter loo for the kids to go downstairs. Save you keep going up and down the stairs. They are easy to empty and to clean and disinfectant you use smells ok. I rented a cottage with the loo downstairs. One night I needed the loo. Fell down the stairs. So bought a porter loo for the bedroom. I was working away at the time.

My dear morethan, I am only an occasional poster, but just wanted to say I am thinking of you and your family. Life is so hard sometimes and you've certainly got more than your share to cope with. Now is not the time to bother about trivia like calories - if you fancy a bit of choc, go for it. I hope you and your DH are OK. Maybe get the doc/practice nurse to take a look at your sore foot? Hang in there. Please let us know how you are doing.

You're doing very well indeed under the circumstances and you deserve that last Rolo.
Rant away all you need on this forum, we're here to hold your hand.

Speak to your DH quietly when you are on your own together.
Explain that you need him to help you to cope with everything that's happening.
Ask him to help you with planning how to help the children, and with actually doing it.

If DH continues to be unhelpful, ask him to go out while the children are with you, or at least just ignore him.

It's understandable that he is floundering too, but it's not reasonable for you to have to cope with poor behaviour from him, as well as everything else.

You are doing wonderfully well in a horrendous situation. Be kind to yourself. {{{hugs}}}