my kids and grandchildren are an 9 hour flight away

My daughter and husband live just outside Sydney. They do not intend to come back to the UK to live. When they were back packing years ago they loved it there and had every intention to return to live. We see them once a year when they come across for a holiday and we FaceTime often and use the watts app. It is very difficult but we manage as there is nothing to do but accept it, however hard that is. We have another daughter locally which makes life easier to bear but we all miss our daughter in Sydney. My younger daughter said she feels like she’s lost her sister. If they were in Europe it would be easier but that long flight is a nightmare as we know from experience.

Until this month, I lived with my daughter and grandson. I've been with him every day of his life. I was there for his birth and at times have been a 2nd mother to him (mum was ill when he was a baby so I did most of the care).

Now, I've had to move overseas for work (won't bother with the whys and wherefores) and I'm miserable without my boy. I'm used to not being with my daughter, because until she had GS she lived independently, but my grandson was/is the joy of my life and I hate not being with him.

It is so hard. We Facetime, but he cries at the end, and then when we disconnect, so do I. I miss him so much.

Necessity is s**t.

It's very hard, and gets harder as we get older.
One son and family lives in SE India, the other has just moved to Thailand from Kuwait, where they had lived since 1995.
His children are now in a UK boarding school so much closer. But they're nearly adult now.
I've visited both sons in the past, but the journeys etc (visas!) are too much for me now.They both come back to the UK often so we make the best of it.
It's their life and as it has been said on here before "We taught them to fly".
2 daughters firmly rooted in England, but they're so busy don't see much more of them.

A dedicated support group/forum for long distance grandparents would be a great idea. It is comforting to know others face the same challenges and admire your stoicism.and necessary acceptance but it is so hard especially when friends have families round the corner and complain about too..much babysitting! My daughter and family live in Singapore and about to transfer to Thailand for 5 more years. I try to visit every year but my 86 yearnold husband cant make the journey any more.We were all going to.meet in Europe this summer and so.looking forward tomorrow but if course it got cancelled and with travel restrictions dont know when will next see them on skype and what's app we have little catch ups but the attention span is limited and as they grew they develop their own lives and interests. It's hard not to be despondent especially as one gets older so understanding and support from you all is so valuable. Thank.you

I know how you feel. We have our only son and his family living in Sydney. I find it very hard at this time of year when all our friends are getting together with family and talking about it and how they have missed them during lockdown! I tend to feel ‘how do you think I feel?’ But keep my mouth shut!
We did many overseas contracts so it was somewhat inevitable that our son travelled as soon as he was able. We have never complained and we are happy ? that he lives in Australia where things are much better than here at present. Our best friends tend to be scattered and during Covid have found my volunteering has been disrupted and my U3A activities.
How do I find people in the same boat who understand and who I can chat to? Who live close by and who I can meet up with? I feel the need for some local support group catering for people like us.
Any ideas?

I know how you feel. Our only son and his family live in Sydney. They are a family of 4 with our eldest grandchild just about to go to university and the youngest just 2 years behind.
I would love to set up a forum or support group for Grandparents in the same situation. And to set up a local support group but don’t know how to go about it. Any ideas?

We worked abroad for many years so it is no surprise that our only son travelled and was keen to explore the world as soon as he was able. How could we object when we had done the same. The family have a great life in Sydney and have fared much better than they would here.
People here go on about missing their children during lockdown and persist in talking about it. I wish they would have a bit more thought about our situation and especially at this time of year.
We are hoping to travel to Sydney next October time. But who knows?

Sorry didn’t mean to send two posts. Not quite used to this yet..

I have 5 grandchildren living in Asia, and a granddaughter who lives in same village and we see daily, even if only through the window We’ve never known anything different TBH. Its the way things have always been since we waved my eldest son off at Heathrow as a young man in his early 20s to start a new life working in mainland China. Since then he has worked in many different SE Asian countries and has had 2 marriages and 5 children. Until Covid we saw them here twice a year and we went to them normally November time. We are sooooo grateful for technology as we can share their lives from afar. And my eldest grandson has applied to come to UK university later this year, notwithstanding Covid restrictions. Can’t wait. Yes we miss them and Ive cried buckets over the years as theyve pulled away in their cars to begin their long journeys home. But we have been SO fortunate that we’ve always known there will soon be a ‘ next time’. As someone else said its the price you pay for raising independent kids who pursue their dreams. Will be chatting to my ex DIL - whom I adore- and grandsons later today.

Yes I'd love to join such a group esp now that travel restrictions. Mean we dont know when we'll be able to see our families again. Mine live in Thailand-very strict .

So pleased to read your post! I've posted on various forums re lon g distance grandparenting but I think because there are several trends not to be a continuity of communications. My daughter and 3 grandkids are now in thailand and its so strict with borders closed for the foreseeable so I csnt get in and they csnt come out! So hard without hope for things getting better soon. I had fantasies about waving my vaccine card and doors opening but that's not likely until misting their own population is vaccinated. Like you I spent my time seeing friends and keeping active at the gym and U3A. All gone! Yes please let's have a dedicated forum.and keep on supporting each other.I hope you get to see your family this year.

Not long, long distance, although another country. I live a 2 hour flight from the UK. Not far and in theory, I should have been able to get home to see them, but with covid, it hasn't been possible.

As a result, I have decided to move back to the UK next year. It will be very hard, financially, but I can't let another year go past without seeing my family.

Lots of empathy to other Gransnet users dealing with long distance family separation. Husband and I have 2 adult children overseas, one has permanently relocated, the other is undecided as yet. We too would love a local 'support' group (we live in Dorset) but don't know anybody nearby in our position as yet. As well as these Gransnet Forums, there is a new Facebook group (Scattered Families) that you could look at. Talking to other people online is certainly better than nothing. We really hope there will be a lifting of Covid restrictions soon as we haven't seen our kids for nearly 18 months now. Big hugs to everyone.

Hi
Yes I just joined the Facebook group.Thanks for the tip. It only has 8 members so far and at least is one coherent dedicated support gtoup. Looks like they would appreciate new members

Valpetdow13 where do you live? I live in Surrey. Sounds like we have a lot in common. We waved our daughter off at Heathriw too, 17 years ago. She was just 25 and was taking up a posting in Beijing. She's been gone ever since apart from.a couple of years back in the UK but then couldnt wait to be off again. Singapore for 5 years followed by a recent move to Thailand for another 5 years and then...who knows.
I just joined the Facebook group "scattered families". Its a small group and not everyone is a grandparent but they all have family members living overseas. I think.they would appreciate new members. Good to chat to others in similar situations. I just had a zoom call with 9 old school friends. We have kept in touch.over 60 years.its lively. Most have adult children and grand children living close by and it is hard when they complain about a 20 mile round trip to see them, and not being able to get together for the moment. It really doesn't begin.to compare.

It is very hard when family members migrate. I live in Australia, a country full of migrants and many of us have family far away in other parts of the world. With Covid it is worse because none of us can fly out of the country and we wouldn’t want to just now.My parents have passed now but when they were alive either us or them used to make the long trek over as often as we could. In reality this was every few years so children were born and grew up in the meantime. No answers, just sympathy.

It's surprising (and disappointing) how little there is out there by way of support or resources for those of us with adult children/grandchildren living many many miles away. The last 18 months have been so much more difficult than usual as a result of restrictions and we still can't see any firm date up ahead when we are likely to see our overseas family. Thank goodness for Gransnet! And to update my earlier post, the Facebook support group I mentioned at the start of the year - Scattered Families - now has over 20 members, including some from the UK, the USA and New Zealand. In a funny way, it's reassuring to know that this can be a challenge for parents/grandparents all over the world. We try to think of our own children as adventurous, but underneath we have to work at putting a positive spin on things.

Mine are in the U.S. and Dubai, might as well be the moon since the pandemic hit.
They were brought up in the Caribbean so I never expected them to settle in Scotland for long after they got their degrees. The weather was a major factor (though if it was always glorious like today - 23C and sunny - they might have considered it).
I am grateful that technology allows me to see and speak to my grandchildren several times a week. My parents had to make do with letters and occasional very expensive phone calls.
On the whole I try to convince myself I'm lucky.

I was that child who went abroad with my young family many years ago.
I know what a great thing it is to do,
but I am an only child so I can't begin to imagine what that was like for my parents.

If only we had been braver, maybe we wouldn't have come home.

Like evianers it was letters then. We didn't even have a camera.
I drew our sitting room, a plan of our home, sent a little map of our town with the playground and library etc circled - places we'd been. I sent tiny swatches of the fabrics I'd bought to make clothes for our 3 year old and drew the nightie and dresses. It seems like a different age.

About once a month we had a phone call from my parents. Once a month we called them. It was too expensive to do more. When we had a new baby we did buy a camera. The photos were always greeted with delight. I have some of these now and look at them with amazement as there were actually so very few of them.

My daughter loved the little treats my mother sent. A sheet of stickers, a drawing of Grandpa, a story about a little girl a long, long way away.
They were great parents and great grandparents... Annoying and frustrating but, oh how they loved.

We can all love from a distance. The children do know.
We are lucky now with technology.
Embrace what we do have. Weep to yourself if you must, but never make them feel guilty or sad. That's what I try to do.

I’ve just joined the ‘children far away club.’ My daughter and family have just gone to live and work in New Zealand for two years. I hope they’ll come back, but they may not. Of course we can’t make any plans to go out to see them because of Covid restrictions, but maybe that will change next year. Or maybe not. It’s very hard. When we FaceTime our three year old grandson stretches out his arm and touches the screen saying ‘I want to touch you Grandad.’ He loves his grandad so much.

I moved here a long time ago, leaving my parents, they couldn’t travel, we communicated through letters. Then I went onto China leaving the two elder daughters (their choice) and taking the third. No Skype in those days but phoned regularly. I came back to the family home and my eldest moved to the UK for five years and then to Australia with her two daughters. Luckily Skype came on line, however it was tough for the young children to sit and talk/read or draw. After five years they returned and then third daughter moved to the UK. I haven’t been able to visit my third daughter since covid and she is not that far. No one knows what the future holds, it could be for a better future or work related. We just have to accept that they think of us like we think of them in our hearts.

Ironically my Australian friend’s mother left her mother in Greece for a new life in Australia , in turn my friend left her mother in Australia for France and would you believe it her French daughter left her for Australia.

My father's cousin used to say that our children are not ours, they are "on loan" to us.

He said we must love and cherish and nurture them - and as they grow, we grow too. He was very clear we had to repay the loan by letting them go.

One son in SouthAfrica ,one in the Middle East, We try to be on the same Country once a year, but it isn’t always possible. My brothers family ate in Australia. I enjoy travel, but like America, coach holidays. We communicate by telephone, e mail. We don’t do the video thing.

Our son and his family move abroad for work 2 years ago. We used to look after our 2 granchildren from when they were babies on a regular basis , often having them to stay with us for a few days . I intended to keep in touch with postcards and letters and parcels to the girls aged 5 and 7 , but they do not have a postal service and do not wish to get a PO box . I sent emails with postcard pictures once a month for a year but only got one reply and when I asked on zoom if the girls had got their email postcards my DIL said in the background .. oh they are very busy with schoolwirk so dont look at emails and tge poor girls looked uncomfortable . Oh dear you can tell we have a sticky relationship with DIL . Our son is rather offhand and unfriendly when she is present but ok if she is not.
We have had a handful of zoom times but not a great success really so have not requested much as often met with , delays , too busy , too late now and the wknd or special occassion is gone again.
We hope to visit soon and although my son has said we are welcome to stay , there has been unfriendliness from my DIL and a few arguments in the past . Help ! At the moment we are thinking of going in December but staying in a hotel ? I couldnt stand an atmosphere with my DIL and son . But how I would LOVE to see my GD s to bed and see them going off to school in the morning ,you know, and seeing them at home and having a nice day out together.
I think a hotel will be the answer as I really miss them so much . Happy for their new adventure ofcourse but sad to be forgotten about .
Any advice welcome . Thank you

I’m in a new situation here. I have 2 sons, my youngest lives locally to me. My eldest who’s is 31 immigrated June 2020 to live & getting married to his Canadian girlfriend in Canada. I’ve just gone through the ‘honeymoon ‘ period of him being away and now facing the real reality of what’s happened and in the long term future! So far no grandchildren, all my future daughter in laws parents and siblings all live nearby to them. I’m at an envious stage which I’m working through, knowing that it’s my loss and their gain. I feel envious that he has all of them, I even asked him & hoped that her mum will not ‘replace’ me, to which his answer was ‘you are my mum & no one will ever replace me’. Luckily I have managed to have a chat with my son and hopefully in the future he will understand how I will feel. The biggest thing is when grandchildren come along. Luckily both he & future daughter in law are understanding. We already & regularly do FaceTime, and messaging etc, so hopefully this will continue. So I’m not at the stage you are, but I suggest through gransnet that you will get answers & support as I would like to have too.

I understand. Our daughter (only child) went backpacking to Australia, for a year. Had her visa extended by a year. Was offered a permenant job ... It is so hard. We used to visit every couple of years when we were still working, and although it was lovely to see her for a few weeks, saying goodbye at the end was horrendous. Things that made life easier were: face time, odd little texts, sending little presents for our grandson, many many photographs and deliveries of presents (both ways). I got extraordinary pleasure out of an ongoing game of online scrabble with my DD. Our story has a happy ending because we were lucky enough to be able to get a “parent” visa and move to live permenantly in NSW. If anyone would like information about the hoops that needed jumping through, feel free to ask. The only downside to our new life (we are now Oz citizens) is that we miss our friends and relatives in the UK. Oh and our pensions are frozen.