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Concerned abt estranged toddler DGS health - signs and symptoms of poss abuse?

(55 Posts)
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HurdyGurdy Mon 28-Oct-19 21:52:05

I'm going to take your post at face value, and set aside your obvious dislike of the mother.

What leapt out to me from your post was

"smelling of sweets" - does he smell of pear drops by any chance?
"extremely sleepy and tired"
"so thirsty"
and
"tired again after very little activity"

All of the above can be symptoms of diabetes. This was exactly how my daughter presented just before being diagnosed with Type 1.

If your son (NOT YOU), doesn't feel able to raise the issue with the child's mother, then if he has parental responsibility (i.e. his name is on the child's birth certificate) then he can take the child for medical attention himself and describe the symptoms and ask for him to be tested.

I would rule out any underlying causes for your grandchild's presentation before leaping to the conclusion that his mother is sabbotaging contact.

You say "We know perfectly well this little GC is not having any routine and from little information forthcoming is fed a series of inadequately-nutritional snacks through the day until 'teatime' and those tea time foods are not adequate for a growing toddler. Certainly, not choke-hazard-sized sweets routinely first thing in the morning or at all. I wonder if crisps are being fed before 'contact' handover...."

Where, exactly, is this information "forthcoming" from? And so what if crisps ARE being fed before contact handover? Maybe not the most desirable snack for a child, but not a cause for alarm.

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paintingthetownred Mon 28-Oct-19 21:36:31

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agnurse Mon 28-Oct-19 21:23:00

If this has only happened a couple of times, it would be hard to chalk it up to abuse. Keep in mind that this child has just gone through an extremely difficult experience and that he is still adjusting to his new routine.

If you don't really have any evidence beyond this, I think it would be far too early to make a report to social services. All you have is speculation, not concrete evidence that there actually IS abuse occurring.

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paintingthetownred Mon 28-Oct-19 21:21:16

Where you draw the line is the letter of the law.

Not sure how and why you are messing with family court proceedings or why you are trying to intervene with parental responsibility.

If you have safeguarding concerns, report them. Give your name and be honest enough to tell the mum (or dad( what you have been doing.

Otherwise if you are not prepared to support them, take a few thousand steps back of your own outdated preconceptions and stop interfering.

painting

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Squibsy Mon 28-Oct-19 21:17:03

My little GC has just started to see his Daddy (my DS) after court proceedings lasting a year.

His mother tried every dirty tactic in the book (written her own book in fact!) to stop this - finally court saw through it all and warned they'll throw their own book at her if she doesn't comply.

That's so far and nearly £10,000 ... and now I too have seen my DGC. But, an old Mum here's 'inkling' something not altogether healthy and possibly worrying maybe going on.

19 months DGC has been extremely sleepy and tired during the contacts... first time: last week was asleep like a sack of potatoes for two solid hours after a morning handover; sweets fell out a pocket; very very hungry; then found my bedroom and wanted to lie down to go back to sleep. Didn't want to leave his Daddy and seemed to be anxious about going: I got a distinct impression DGC was hungry again and didn't want to leave "where there was food".

This week a more normal 40 mins nap, but 'smelling of sweets' and was so thirsty that hardly ate any lunch; picked up toys and was pointing them like a gun; tired again after very little activity.

I may be old thus way out of touch in the eyes of young mothers ... but this is distinctly different to the levels of activity, appetite etc of my own DSs at this age who were mainly 'on the go' all day and ready for a healthy lunch/tea and tuckered out themselves out for a 5-6pm bedtime.

We know perfectly well this little GC is not having any routine and from little information forthcoming is fed a series of inadequately-nutritional snacks through the day until 'teatime' and those tea time foods are not adequate for a growing toddler. Certainly, not choke-hazard-sized sweets routinely first thing in the morning or at all. I wonder if crisps are being fed before 'contact' handover....

But the tiredness - I think could be poor sleep routines (also being kept up the night before to wreck 'Dad's contact' / poss a 'Mickey Finn' of Calpol / Boots Toddler Antihistamine / blood-sugar dips.

IN anyone's else's (grand) parenting experience - where does one draw the line and say, this is a pattern... AND/OR some aspects are more concerning than others ... where does one "go with this" ?

Thanks everyone smile

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