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Meeting the other grandparents.

(68 Posts)
Begaa23 Mon 02-Aug-21 23:32:46

Just wondering how many of you have never met the other set of grandparents and have no plans on meeting them ?

Begaa23 Tue 03-Aug-21 20:07:02

So quite the opposite of wanting to avoid Jacky B seems like they want to avoid us . ?‍♀️?‍♀️ Why are families so complicated sometimes eh ?

Hithere Tue 03-Aug-21 20:15:37

What works for one family doesnt work for another

May I ask why you want to meet the other set of gp?

You asked at least 5 times and you got no answer - that is an answer by itself, they are not interested.
I would drop it.

Polarbear2 Tue 03-Aug-21 20:44:36

I’ve met my sil’s long-divorced parents. The dad is horrible. Sleazy, odious and bigoted. The mum is the most selfish person I’ve ever met. If she’s not the centre of attention she throws a complete strop. On the other hand my ex husband and his partner we see a lot as co-GPs. His partner is a lovely woman and looks after ‘my’ GCs beautifully. ?? ….. sorry I don’t see them as hers. I know it’s really really really bad but there you go. On the other hand I think of my partner as a proper Grandad. I dunno. Psychology of a divorcee.

nexus63 Tue 03-Aug-21 20:45:33

some families are just different, my mum never met my mother in law until they met when i got married 10 years after having my son, i see my grandson every few weeks and we usually go out, he sees his grandad (my daughter in laws dad) at his house most weeks as he does not go out, i knew her dad long before i even had my son as he used to come to the pub my mum ran back in the late 70s, we get on great when we meet up. some in-laws don't feel the need to meet up, you will probably meet at some point at the childs birthday. please don't take it as a snub, they could be shy or anxious or just don't feel the need to get to know you.

Callistemon Tue 03-Aug-21 21:10:46

There are no rules but I hope you do get to meet them Begaa, that you get on and can have a cordial relationship even if you don't become friends, for the sake of your DGC.

granjan66 Wed 04-Aug-21 11:27:24

Yes, I have met all other grandparents. One set live in Canada and that granny has now sadly died. See the one granny here at special celebrations, but her husband died before our DVD was born.

Nanny27 Wed 04-Aug-21 11:36:16

My dd married the son of my best friend so....... YES!

grandtanteJE65 Wed 04-Aug-21 12:02:06

How wise of you Grandmabatty, I am sure your DD and SIL appreciate your tact.

SewnSew Wed 04-Aug-21 12:10:48

Yes, my daughter in law's parents are absolutely lovely and we get on well, even to an occasional meeting just between ourselves. My son's birth mother is another matter as she refuses to meet me. We adopted him at 6 weeks old. As a result I was very put out when within 24 hours of my new granddaughter's birth, she raced down from quite a few miles away to see the baby. I just can't see the new baby as being anything to do with her. AIBU?

Witzend Wed 04-Aug-21 12:12:45

We met our other set shortly after dd and Sil bought a house together, before they were married.

They don’t live anywhere near us or dd and Sil, so we don’t see them very often, but I’m glad to say that they’re lovely people and we all get in fine - dd is very lucky with her MiL!

(Of course I have to add that the MiL is very lucky with dd too…).

Quizzer Wed 04-Aug-21 12:15:56

We have met, and regularly see all six ‘other grandparents’. We have even spent Christmas with them. They are all lovely people and have given us lovely DILs. We feel so lucky!

Childofthe60s Wed 04-Aug-21 12:29:45

My parents wanted to meet up with my partner's parents before our wedding, as they thought it rather odd to meet for the first time at the wedding venue. My in-laws were not interested in the slightest. They met again at our one of our children's birthdays but MIL still had no interest in interacting with my parents. Some people are just that way.

aonk Wed 04-Aug-21 12:55:26

We have 4 AC so 4 sets of in laws. All are ok apart from one of the fathers who behaved badly at the wedding. We have a pleasant relationship with each set and meet up occasionally but have nothing in common with them. We all maintain this nice relationship for the sake of our AC and GC.

Nannashirlz Wed 04-Aug-21 12:59:28

Well my son wife’s mother she was horrible from word go. She’s a bitter woman and trust me it wasn’t for the lack of trying to get on with her. I’m a chatty easy going person She just never wanted to try.Her dad said I shouldn’t take it personal but he speaks when meet but he’s not very chatty typical man.but they don’t live close so it’s only special occasion met up.At my sons home My other daughter inlaw get on really well with parents more her mum because her dad not much of a talker lol. Her mum and myself talk like know each other for years. But you don’t have to get on with them, but it makes life easier if you do ?

Bluedaisy Wed 04-Aug-21 13:11:59

Personally I wouldn’t push it if I were you.
My DS met a girl 14 years ago and she moved in with him and got pregnant almost immediately so I started asking DDL (they are now married) if we could meet her parents, hoping we could all have a good relationship, sadly it was not to be. We arranged a meet up once before our DGC was born, everything was on their terms which we went along with, but as soon as baby was born they turned vile for no reason. It turns out DDL knew her mother was a narcissist and her father an enabler to her mother and when the mother realised she couldn’t stop my relationship with our DS she turned against him, us and in fact her own daughter too. It was extremely stressful for years. I was sad as we haven’t a big family and I had hoped we could of just been friends for the young couples sake but sadly that will never happen now in my lifetime. We are all happier without them in our lives. So if her side is not keen on meeting up my advice would be don’t push it as strange and odd as this may seem, I have a friend who is at present going through same thing as we went through with her DS’s family too. It seems not all families are up for trying to make friends with they’re children’s families to make their lives happier instead they are riddled with jealousy because they don’t like the fact of another family in their DS or DD’s life and selfishly only worry about how they feel.

mar76 Wed 04-Aug-21 13:12:19

I have met the other grandparent. We have met at gc birthday parties and we get on well. No jealousy on my part as she lives close to her daughter and I live 140 miles away and don't see gc often.

seadragon Wed 04-Aug-21 13:16:06

We have a 16 year old DGS whose maternal grandad, a widower at the time DGS was born, we have never met... We also have a 10 year old DGD whose DF vanished to all intents and purposes before she was born. His DM was very kind with letters and presents to our DD and DGD but we never met her and have now lost touch. Our 6 year old GS has a large extended family who have regular full scale gatherings. We have met them all which has turned out to be a mixed blessing. I was always puzzled that there was never any real attempt to introduce us to the extended family of the older children. Apologies for any mistakes with the acronyms....!

Aepgirl Wed 04-Aug-21 13:53:55

I have met my grandson’s ‘other’ grandparents. Grandfather, who was lovely, has sadly died. Grandmother was a person I wouldn’t want to pick an argument with. She and her new husband (a ‘weird’ man) have recently moved to France, so rarely see our grandson.

My grandson has never met his other grandfather (my ex-husband).

Kartush Wed 04-Aug-21 14:04:33

I have met the other grandparents, unfortunately my daughter in laws mother passed away but we are still friendly with her father. My youngest daughters ex partners father died when he was a child, we have met his mother but do not see her any more.

Theoddbird Wed 04-Aug-21 14:16:40

I didn't meet my daughter in laws parents until the day she married my son. I have met my grand children's other grandparents.

Shazmo24 Wed 04-Aug-21 14:42:53

The other grandparents to our daughter & sil's children live inthe same town and we only met up for birthdays But as kids are now older we hardly see each other despite them living next door to said daughter. We just dont have anything in common with them. We don't even exchange christmas cards

Yammy Wed 04-Aug-21 14:58:25

I met and phoned and got on well with one Mil and her partner we helped to coordinate the wedding plans of our children, the colour scheme for the wedding guests, she gave me the first choice as I was the mother of the bride, flowers etc unfortunately she died.
I have never met one FIL.
I have met the other set on a few occasions but they obviously are not interested in being in touch. Cordial greetings are sent at Christmas. Coordination about the wedding would have been helpful as we live hundreds of miles apart. My BIL at the wedding said the colours we wore made us look as if we were fighting the battle of Tobruk, MIL as Rommel in Khaki me as Monty in full Camouflage.

1summer Wed 04-Aug-21 14:59:42

We are very close to my SILs Mum ( he doesn’t have any contact with his Dad) and as we are very close to our daughter since our granddaughter was born I have made a great effort to make sure Sils Mum doesn’t feel left out. We share childcare 3 days a week and very much support each other. She joins in all our family occasions including family holidays. We feel very lucky.

jocork Wed 04-Aug-21 15:04:59

When my DS was first dating his wife he was invited to spend New Year with her family, who invited me too when they realised I would otherwise be on my own. It was a big very close family so I met her parents and many of her aunts and uncles on her mother's side and her granny. They are all lovely and I've spent time with them occasionally since. We live quite a long way apart so mostly only see them on 'occasions' but we have a lot in common and would probably see more of each other if we lived closer. In the week before their wedding I stayed in the future marital home with DiL's parents as we were all busy preparing for the big day and DS and DiL were still living in their separate shared houses with friends. I got to know them really well and we all get on pretty well.

However my ex husband has only met them twice - at the wedding and once when DGS was newborn. We will all be meeting up in September as DGS is being baptised while DS and DiL are in the UK for the summer, as they normally live in Germany at present. I consider myself very fortunate to have such a good relationship with my DiL and her family - I feel closer to some of them than some members of my own family with whom I'm not close.

DS and DiL are currently on holiday with her family, then are going away with me before our big get-together in September. My DS is lucky with his in-laws and I see them as family too!

Amandajs66 Wed 04-Aug-21 15:30:30

We have meet the other Grandparents a couple of times but haven’t seen them for the last 10+ years.
My SIL and daughter don’t really get on with them. You can’t choose your family.
It’s sad as the other grandparents have only seen their GD’s a handful of times, I see them every week and feel like the other GP are missing out.