Older age

I think I know the feeling - I have always had a project of sorts on the go, whether in my career or planning something for the house or garden or holidays.
But since DH died nearly 7 years ago, AND the pandemic - or possibly a combination of the two - I no longer feel the urge to make changes to the house( at 76 will I even be here in 10 years?) or any plans beyond the immediate future.
That phrase “If I’m spared” lurks at the back of my mind but hey, so what?
I’ll just bumble along, trying to appreciate the present, look forward to the short term future and hope “that I’m spared” !

However, in your early 60’s you are way too young to be thinking this way.

Thank you for the continuing posts.
I am reading them all.
I am not sure how to respond.

Sorry to those who have lost people in their lives.
And those whose lives have taken unexpected turns.

I will take a look at the retirement book recommended.

I do need to get a bit fitter.
I think this is helping me feel maybe a bit older in age than I am.

Anyone else remember Barry Cryer saying he was now so old, he didn't even risk buying green bananas? Love that!

I love that too!
I need to take that on board.

Life in your 60s is no different to life in your 20s, you do not know what is going to happen a couple of years ahead. Did you worry about how long you had to live when you were much younger? You can take steps that may make you feel better about the life you have left, eg type of housing,location, holidays but there is no magic formula for working out how long life will be.

I seem to have got into the habit of thinking of myself as ‘late 50s’. I’m 68, but I have to remind myself of that! I think when change comes, it is often unforeseeable, so you can’t really plan for it. Eg a sudden illness or an accident. A good insurance policy could cover these (but may be costly.)

I do need to get a bit fitter.

Perhaps this could be one of your first plans? You could start today (or tomorrow 😄) with a specific plan to walk/cycle/go to yoga or tai chi or pilates/swim/dance or what ever else you want - they will all help you feel a bit fitter and stronger.

Fancythat** even though I’ve been a ‘planner’ husband is a ‘go with the flow’ person - so we’ve mostly found a middle ground to navigate most situations.
A good example - holiday plans had to be cancelled some years ago due to husband’s ill health and decided he didn’t want to fly anywhere for a holiday again, ever. We both decided I’d try a solo holiday - that was 11yrs ago and I now look forward to my solo’s!
There’s been a major health issue/tragic loss of life and death of family members in that time. Please do your best to savour each day and if a plan gets thwarted - move forward as best you can. I’m 74yrs and like many people have lost someone dear who was in their prime.
Thank you for your post on a difficult subject but as always gransnetters contribution helps give some varying takes on a subject - online forum at its best!

It sounds like your dh returning to work has thrown any plans you had . Was there a reason for his returning ?
As many have said , make your own plans , hobbies fitness , holidays , volunteering.
I’m 65 and retired 2 years ago when my DH retired as we felt , you don’t know what’s around the corner and we wanted to enjoy life whilst we had our health .
We did plan financially, wills and pension planning . We have a rental house which is under offer , so financially I hope we’re ok.
Our AC haven’t settled down yet and we plan to help them with a deposit.
We have a bucket list of places to visit and plan these sooner rather than later.
My DH and I have friends who are younger than us and older friends . Age doesn’t enter my head , many friends say I don’t look my age and some say I don’t act my age , whatever that means 🤷‍♀️.

Relax Fancythat. I'm sure you have many great years to come. Enjoy as many opportunities and experiences as your circumstances will allow. My 60s was my favourite decade - both DH and I were retired and fortunate to be able to travel and to enjoy good fitness and health. 70s was pretty good too. Now in our 80s we feel the difference. Less energy, a few health niggles. The worst aspect is seeing and hearing of the illnesses and frailty of friends and family and the steady loss of so many. But you are a long way from that stage. Please relax, be sensible about keeping healthy and taking excercise, and most importantly - make hay while the sun shines.

I shall be 80 next year and find it hard to believe. I still work (self-employed freelance writer), go to Pilates and take a longish walk once a week. Marbles still in the right place so far. I have a loving husband eighteen months younger, four adult daughters, seven grandchildren (mostly girls) from five to twenty-two. We own our house and have enough money to live comfortably. So all I can do is count my blessings. I banish all thoughts of how many more books I can write befgore I die (or read!). There are things I don't like about not being as physically fit as I used to be - though I was never sporty. As long as I can hold on to my sight and mobility I shall be happy and if things change, I shall strive to adapt. We have spoken about what to do when one of us goes and which way round it will be. These are realistic conversations, not gloomy. I can't imagine feeling like the OP at 60. Don't waste your life with such negative thoughts; live it! You may have more than 20 years left or be knocked down by a bus tomorrow. I think it's the lack of control that unsettles you as an organised planner sort of person. I'm the same but I don't think in terms of time frame beyond a year or two.

Best plan is look after your health,you probably have at least 15 yrs but maybe 25.Just grab every day and enjoy it now,plan trips & do everything you have ever wanted,hobbies etc
You hopefully have many happy more relaxing years ahead,
maybe volunteer,meet new people,meet friends for coffee.
Travel to see your family & don’t worry about things you have no control over,good luck.

I’m 71 still work part-time in a high dementia care home and really enjoy the work
I don’t smoke or drink alcohol (in my youth I did far too much of both!)and try to keep fit,as I don’t drive. I walk quite a bit and my job is quite physically demanding.
I also do weights at home. I did go to the gym for six months but didn’t find any real difference so dumb bells and kettle bells at home for me
Try to live each day as it comes as I lost my brother at age 49 twenty years ago, so I am grateful to be getting older because we all know what the alternative is …

What do you want to plan for? Your old age? But when does that start? Illness ? How can we know what will happen, yes some can be hopefully be avoided but we all know someone who looked/seemed fit and well for their age but suddenly their life changed due to illness or death.
Live for today
"Do not dwell on the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate on the present"
A certain amount of forward planning is helpful, making your home future proof or downsizing. Perhaps arranging a Power of Attorney and your Wills If you wish
Clearing out the clutter both physically and mentally can help.
Enjoying life , holidays, a meal out, a walk in the park or on the beach, meeting with friends and keeping your mind and body active all helps.
If you want to plan your funeral write it down choose your music but then put it away with a copy of your Will and forget about it.

Baggs

"Do what you can with what you have where you are" seems like a sensible approach to me, especially having witnessed two young family members die tragically in the last few months. What's the point of worrying. Just live.

Yep, nobody knows what is round the corner.

Nobody knows if they have 2 or 20 years. I think its better to be like my father 97, and no acceptance of old age or of popping off!!

We were never great planners, just thought we would travel a bit more once retired, and live quite comfortably on our pensions. Then he died at 65, and I had to sell up and downsize. I don’t plan much now, my priority is spending time with my grandchildren and staying healthy. I know I won’t be doing any more long haul travel, not even sure about Europe now I am on my own. I do have a list of places I want to see in the UK! I’m also trying to get rid of as much stuff as possible, I still have a ridiculous amount of china, etc. I will be 70 next year, and that’s hard to accept, but in my head I plan to be around for another 20 years!

What a privilege to have reached the age we are, hopefully having gained a little wisdom along the way!

I also am feeling this uncertainty of having my life planned and orderly. It's a strange feeling thinking about the future now that you know with certainty there is an end. Wishful thinking has me hoping for 30 more years. My logical side says plan for 20 and all the rest are a gift. I've started purging my things in preparation of a possible downsizing. We're updating our wills, taking stock of our finances, reviewing home repairs rather than updates and remodeling. A strange and unfamiliar feeling. On the flip side we have the freedom of time and at this early stage our health to enjoy those we love and the things we love to do. Hey, everyone gets here and goes beyond so we really aren't alone in this.

I’m also struggling like you OP.

68 but feel about 35 in my mind, feel as though I am suddenly entering a new phase of life - but totally struggling to accept any of it.

Everything is just wrong.

A big group of close friends all a decade younger - who don’t know my true age.

Another group of friends all a decade older - who seem bemused and puzzled at the things I get up to. I don’t properly fit into either group.

Still sailing a catamaran (for how much longer?), still doing cartwheels in the gym pool, but officially classed, medically at least, as elderly….doing gym classes and realising the other participants are mostly 20 somethings….

Bought leopard print mini skirts for walking during covid - still on the hangers with labels attached - can’t wear them at this age can I.

Heard that someone else had been describing me locally as a “champion skier” - but I’m elderly now!

Always lived my life as an uninteresting “mouse” - but now I laugh - I regularly see men taking a second glance in my direction, socially and in the swimming pool. It’s bizarre and all very odd. Being subject to the male gaze - when you are a pensioner.

Feel like I am on the cusp of a major ageing change, but I don’t want to go there…

One day at a time.
No point in worrying.
We will eventually come to our end. Don’t waste time worrying and planning.
Do what you want.
Keep safe and if you have faith then pray.
You will come to an end sooner with worry - this is what I think.
Others will have their views on how you could live.
At 60 you have many years of work left, just live your life. (Don’t spend too much time on GransNet, go out and wear purple as the poem says)
Good Luck xx

I am in my mid-60s, and I was always a big planner. I retired 4 years ago and have never looked back. Instead of planning, I do what I want to do when I want to do it. The most I ever plan out is a trip or event a year in advance. I have learned it is best to be in the moment.

Ydoc - love your father - his way is the best way 👍

I read your post and my first reaction was goodness she thinks she's old. My DC are heading toward 60....
I have some inspirational friends . One at almost 90 drives her electric car, looks after her friends and family, often dogsits, cooks for the community meal each week.
Another df of similar age but with less mobility, built a house for herself and is encouraging me to do the same. I have an architect working on a plan.....
I like a project!

Since DH died nearly 4 years ago I have tried to fill my time productively and enjoyably. I try to keep healthy. I joined U3A and am learning Gaelic.
I volunteer in a community shop and café. I still work in my pottery and run small classes. I sometimes host volunteer helpers who get jobs done in the house and garden.

I am still getting used to living as a single person and since I haven't had to do that since I was a student 60 years ago, it's still a novelty.

I see my AC and 7 DGC occasionally and spent a month in NZ with my son and his family earlier this year.

I try not to think about losing my siblings and friends. I love them all.

I just wish I could get to sleep! Why am I writing this at 3.30am.

I agree, do everything now that you can to look after your health.
At 60 I took a long hard look at my lifestyle and made some changes that I felt would help maximise my chances of keeping fit and well in the future.
I take Vitamin D every day.
I read the UPF book by Chris Van Tullenken and made a few changes to my diet. I’m now lighter than I’ve ever been and feel so much better.
I ditched the heels and wear comfortable shoes and walk 10,000 steps every day.
I joined the Polypill Prevention Programme online to reduce my risk of stroke and heart attack.
I know there’s a cost to all of these but it’s absolutely worth it

Well I always thought about getting another cat after mine passed away . But thinking what’s the use , I probably won’t be here long enough to watch it grow .

I retired at 66, now 70 And I very definitely recognize this sense of being adrift. I feel that being physically well and financially comfortable at this stage of my life is a huge privilege - I want to use this time well. But I don’t think I quite know what that means. I threw all of my energy into my career for so many years. So I’ve started to make a ‘vision board’ at the start of each year. Nothing grand, just a few pictures cut from magazines, from the internet, and a few keywords/sentences. I see it more as a statement of intent, setting a direction of travel, rather an actual plan. What are the things I want to do more of, or less off? Is there something new I want to learn? Is there something I want to stop doing or take a break from?
I feel like there’s a whole separate discussion to be had on renegotiating relationships with our partners post retirement.