Working for family in retirement

Give them plenty of warning and get out.

You are not happy and are overworked.
Are they paying full time wages?

Hi Not Spaghetti

No - I am still on PT wages but working FT to help out whist the business is struggling .

I feel guilty about getting out

You are being exploited. It almost counts as elder abuse. Just tell the family you cannot manage anymore and drop out.

The firm will benefit by not having to find the money for your wages anymore.

I would give them a couple of months notice which will give them time to recruit someone else. During this time you can gradually pull back and be less and less available and have more and more of your own affairs to keep you busy.

There is nothing like being physically absent and making yourself difficult to contact for making others cope. Maybe physically go away for a couple of weeks on holiday or go and stay with a friend. Then they will have to shape up for themselves.

This was always my tactic for family dramas. However its fair to add I lived in another city and there were no smart phones back then.

M0nica

You are being exploited. It almost counts as elder abuse. Just tell the family you cannot manage anymore and drop out.

The firm will benefit by not having to find the money for your wages anymore.

This. They are being most unfair to you and have been for some time. If you had skin in the game, like maybe shares in the company then it would be different, but they are taking all and giving nothing. They should be the ones who are feeling guilty.

"Maybe physically go away for a couple of weeks on holiday or go and stay with a friend. Then they will have to shape up for themselves."
That is a sage piece of advice from biglouis
Good luck, get out, enjoy, and remember all the help you've already given !

Get out as soon as possible. If the business is to sink or swim, it won’t depend on your presence, and don’t be guilt-tripped into thinking you’re responsible either way. If the business truly depended on you for its survival, they would have cherished you and paid you accordingly. They don’t, so move forward and prioritise your own physical and mental health.

twiglet77 you've said it all. Nannimo DON’T feel guilty about doing what's right for you. They are taking advantage perhaps without even realising you are not happy with the situation.

I was in a similar situation working for my brother - also a casual, part time role that developed into almost full time work that I didn’t like. I told him I wanted to be fully retired by a date 6 months ahead, and asked what aspects I could hand over immediately with a view to a phased handover of the rest over 6 months. It did more or less work although there was a bit of hand holding of some aspects beyond the six months. I insisted on NOT being paid for that because I didn’t want to get dragged back in, and that turned out to be the right decision.

Being 70 the same year helped my case a lot as (in my brother’s eyes) this made my decision to stop more about me and my future and less about not enjoying the work.

Leave, I was in very similar situation but was close to retiring, I left a year early and used my savings to fund my year before I could get state pension, best thing I ever did!

Good luck to them finding another employee who’ll work as hard as you for p/t wages!

I’d start drawing back to working your official hours, and making other arrangements for what should be your time off. Then you can genuinely say you’re unavailable to fill in the gaps.

Either your employers don’t realise how much you’re doing, or they don’t care. Either way, as others have said, they’re exploiting you, and you need to get out ASAP to stop it.

Thanks everyone - I’m going to say I’ll work till x más and after that I’m retiring properly . If they really want to employ someone else that’s fine by me
Seems a good compromise to me !

They are taking advantage of your good nature.

They are taking advantage of you. Give a month's notice and walk away.

Working until xmas, as you say, will give them ample time to make adjustments Nannimo. Good luck and enjoy your retirement

Glad you’ve been able to make a decision ,Nanaimo. That gives them time to find someone else though possibly not on such favourable terms as you’ve worked.
Enjoy your retirement.

Remove yourself physically from the arena for 1-3 weeks - this is advice Ive given to several people in the past and it always worked.

One was a fellow uni student who had aquired a "needy" hanger on during volunteering work. She went to visit her own family (mother was having chemo) and Ms Needy had got her claws into someone else on her return.

Another was someone who was being run ragged shopping etc for a neighbour who was perfectly capable of looking after herself. She went off to visit some relatives in Australia and was gone 6 weeks. By the time she got back needy neighbour had found another "helper".

Being removed from the action gives one time to think over the situation and how it will have to be handled after a break. It leave you a space to say "While I was away I was thinking .... and Ive decided ...." And then announce your new terms of trade.

I’m with everyone else, give them 2-3 months notice, tell them as from next week you can only work the hours for which you’re paid and don’t apologise, you’re being taken advantage of and have/are doing nothing wrong!

Nannimo - Thank you!! I have exactly this problem. Similar hours a week flexible doing the admin for my husband's business since retirement & I thought it would be a doddle. We've just expanded & have higher overheads & like you, it's more of a struggle to break even than it used to be although some of the expenses are one-off. So I worry constantly, & what I do there isn't appreciated but is very neccessary. I don't want to feel I'm not up to it & if I leave that's another expense (as I work unpaid at the moment) but I worked hard, I have a nice private pension & I want to enjoy it. Some days I'm too stressed to do much when I'm not down there.So the advice here does for me too.

Whilst you are doing a full time job perhaps if you left the others would manage to sort out your work between them and, not paying uour wages would go someway to helping the company. Anyway, if it folds you wouldn't be working anyway.

Oh I'm so sorry to hear about your problems, regarding working with your family. I once worked for my mad father in his restaurant, it was hell! One fateful day we all walked out! Myself, my poor mother & the rest of the staff & even my father abandoned ship & drove off into the night! Basil Faulty eat yer heart out. 😊

Agree with NotSpaghetti🙂

This is definitely a no-brained and I’m surprised you have to ask.

Put in a notice and then leave. No negotiations… you said you don’t enjoy it so nothing will change if they give you full time status and commensurate pay or perks.

If the “family” is your blood relations then expect that your dynamic with them will change. If the “family” are in-laws or far removed cousins, etc the dynamic will change and there might be hard feelings in either scenario.

Are you able to live without them knowing they took advantage of you? Good luck. Please get your life back.

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