Them/they What does it mean?

My Jack Russel has decided to identify as a human being . No flies on him! Better food and a right to the best chair

Sago. I am tired of all this nonsense too. Surely those concerned about all this BS could find something real to do?

I think I'd be wary about employing someone like that even as a volunteer as they may be a bit precious.

Jockeytaff, you can't go through life being tired of an idea which is now a matter of fact.

My Jack Russell can be re-trained (with difficulty) but you cannot retrain a human being to be unaware of their gender choices.

RedRiding Hood that is my reaction too. However the transgender people seems to take it all very seriously, perhaps because their freedom of choice is so lately acquired.

Demanding that other people speak in a certain way is a kind of shorthand for telling everyone that the person is something of a self-obsessed narcissist. Those who claim to identify as “non-binary” which is what the “they/them” pronouns are supposed to indicate is a sure sign that the individual concerned simply can't get through life without believing that he or she is “special” and, further, that everyone else must comply with that belief also.

You are correct to be worried about offending this individual because The Special Ones are some of the most sensitive in society and will take offence at the tiniest thing.

You can of course address her as “you” but on reflection you may decide it would be easier and more effective all round to not waste your time with the appointment.

Identifying as something you aren’t is fine, as long as they don’t use that identity to cheat or lie their way into places and positions which are the single sex that they are not, or compel others to say things they know are not true.

Should someone’s belief that they are something that biologically they are not, compel others to believe the same thing?

In my work I took on a young person who supposedly had gender issues. She was 14. There was a whole load of bumph about addressing her as they etc.
She had chosen to be called by a gender neutral name, which I used- but in all pro-noun usage addressed her as she/her etc. She didn't object at all, we had a great relationship and the gender thing was a non-issue.
I think far more is made of this than is really necessary-young people are people after all. We talked a lot about many of the issues she had to deal with and the gender thing never came up at all. I thought some of the adults used it as a deflection tactic from what was really going on to be honest.
Whilst they were focussed on her pro-nouns they were ignoring clear signs of abuse and neglect on the part of the parent and I saw through it.

This is all too complicated for me. At 74, I'm not going to attempt to change my learned language/syntax for anyone and if anybody doesn't like that, too bad.

Also, one of my son’s colleagues is ‘non-binary’, and is referred to as ‘Mx’ Smith.

And how does one pronounce "Mx"? Is it the "m" sound but as though you're choking?

You have to worry about the pronoun! That is the whole point of this non-binary "speak".

I have no idea if this person would be offended if you asked,"How do you wish me to address you?" I suspect she would prefer "How do they wish me to address them?"

A sentence that, being as I am the great-niece once removed of a world-famous grammarian, offends me deeply if addressed to someone whom grammatically should be addressed as "you".

However, it is this woman's life and choices you will be dealing with, so whether or not you have a guid Scots tongue in your hied or no', open your mouth and ask what the preferred form of address is.

Don't forget the neo pronouns. It now goes way beyond they them.
These are just the first few

Some neopronoun sets include:
Xe/xem/xyrs/xemself.
Xy/xyr/xyrs/xyrself.
Hi/hir/hirs/hirself.
Ze/zir/zirs/zirself.
Ey/em/eirs/emself.
Ne/nem/nems/nemself.
Fae/faer/faers/faerself.
Ae/aer/aers/aerself.

Good luck learning them all, and as for how you pronounce them.......

Load if woke rubbish! Ask her 'what would you like me to address you as as I am a bit unclear?'

I had a student whose partner was non binary. He'd say for example that they had been unwell. It took me a while to realise he was talking about one person.I always tried to use the partners name for example how is Lola. Is Lola better. Very hard to remember to say how is Lola? Are they better?

How lovely it is to be retired and not have to deal with a workplace with so many minefields to cross. I too have received e-mails with them/they in the signature line, but luckily I can claim to be too old to conform and no one can take away my job/salary or demote me for political incorrectness.

She may not be non-binary. She might just object to labelling people by their gender. She might not even care that much, but work in an environment where it's easier to go along with that flow.

eazybee

I would address her as you think fit, not what she decides. She presumably identifies as a woman, but perhaps not.

You should always address people how they wish to be addressed it is their right and only polite apart from anything else, you may not agree, but they have made it quite clear to you.

Mouse

I can’t understand why people get so wound up about other peoples pronouns. It doesn’t hurt you in any way to refer to someone the way they prefer. As to the word woke as an insult, as it means ‘alert to racial or social discrimination and injustice’, I’m proud to be woke.

Exactly how I feel, including the “proud to be woke” bit

LR10

I have an appointment to meet a young lady next week about a volunteering job and I notice she has written Them/they next to her signature. What exactly does it mean and is there something I should know when I talk to her - I don’t want to offend her by saying the wrong thing. Can I call her Miss … ? I guess not, but I don’t like to use her christian name, it seems too familiar.

Just call her Ms Smith (or whatever), then say "do you mind if I call you Jane/Mary whatever or do you prefer Ms Smith?"
And you.

No need for they or them if you are addressing someone directly.

Rosie51

Don't forget the neo pronouns. It now goes way beyond they them.
These are just the first few

Some neopronoun sets include:
Xe/xem/xyrs/xemself.
Xy/xyr/xyrs/xyrself.
Hi/hir/hirs/hirself.
Ze/zir/zirs/zirself.
Ey/em/eirs/emself.
Ne/nem/nems/nemself.
Fae/faer/faers/faerself.
Ae/aer/aers/aerself.

Good luck learning them all, and as for how you pronounce them.......

Is that Chaucer's English?

BeverleyJB

Demanding that other people speak in a certain way is a kind of shorthand for telling everyone that the person is something of a self-obsessed narcissist. Those who claim to identify as “non-binary” which is what the “they/them” pronouns are supposed to indicate is a sure sign that the individual concerned simply can't get through life without believing that he or she is “special” and, further, that everyone else must comply with that belief also.

You are correct to be worried about offending this individual because The Special Ones are some of the most sensitive in society and will take offence at the tiniest thing.

You can of course address her as “you” but on reflection you may decide it would be easier and more effective all round to not waste your time with the appointment.

Beautifully put👏👏👏👏👏

Rosie51

Don't forget the neo pronouns. It now goes way beyond they them.
These are just the first few

Some neopronoun sets include:
Xe/xem/xyrs/xemself.
Xy/xyr/xyrs/xyrself.
Hi/hir/hirs/hirself.
Ze/zir/zirs/zirself.
Ey/em/eirs/emself.
Ne/nem/nems/nemself.
Fae/faer/faers/faerself.
Ae/aer/aers/aerself.

Good luck learning them all, and as for how you pronounce them.......

Rosie, are you serious?? These seem like code words that teenagers would make up.

Mouse

I can’t understand why people get so wound up about other peoples pronouns. It doesn’t hurt you in any way to refer to someone the way they prefer. As to the word woke as an insult, as it means ‘alert to racial or social discrimination and injustice’, I’m proud to be woke.

It does hurt if you are accused of “making it a toxic workplace” if you get it wrong.
As others have said it’s not a pronoun, it’s another name they insist you use.
I have nominative aphasia, this isn’t a choice, but my disability is trumped by an others being offended on behalf of someone not present.
That’s woke, or is it discriminating against me.

You don’t actually use they/them when speaking directly to a person, you use you.

This just gives me a headache.