Borderline Personality Disorder

lucy the term borderline refers to the fact that the disorder falls between personality disorder and mental illness. It doesn't mean that it is only a 'borderline' (ie not genuine) disorder.

I'm glad your daughter is not suicidal. Does she self harm in any way? That is very hard to cope with and as I'm sure you know people who self harm are not necessarily suicidal - rarely so in fact, though they sometimes kill themselves accidentally.

Good luck.

lucy isn't it interesting the different ways in which we experience things.

When my mother was in the clinic where she had ECT, her three children were being cared for by my very loving grandparents. She was there for 3 weeks and then she came home.

Anyway, so my experience of that time is getting all dressed up and being taken to visit my mother in the leafy grounds of the clinic (it was near Durban in South Africa where we lived then) and my mum being somewhat subdued but delighted to see us. It never really affected me, but of course later I realised it was dreadful for her, and for my grandparents too. I do remember on one visit that we had to wait whilst she climbed down from a tree, she had decided to go tree climbing in her high heels. I think we were largely protected from it all by my grandparents. The only sign that I can remember that my mum had had ECT, was that she was sometimes forgetful. But she was always full of fun, amusing us by doing handstands with her skirt tucked into her knickers etc. I loved my mum, she was the best.

Lucy - I can understand how worried you must be, having children with any illness is one of the worst things to cope with.
I don't know anything about BPD, but remember reading an article about someone who was diagnosed and eventually got the appropriate treatment.
The father of my children had/has severe bipolar (as it's known now) and one of my sons was also diagnosed the same in his 30s. I was heartbroken, remembering what a mess his Dad had been, but TG he improved with treatment, eventually came off lithium altogether.
The thing about mental/emotional illness is that it's hard to pin down, as far as we know there's no virus, bacteria, repairable bodily damage involved.
All you can do is continue to show that you love her, and try to be positive about the future.
Hoping for better news soon.

DD2 has just emailed me to say what a kind sweet person I am - it's the first time she has ever said anything so nice and I am in tears now :-( Don't feel it and wish I could do more.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and wishes

lucy my heart goes out to you

Lucy she is lucky to have you

Tricia and Lucy

I agree lucy she is lucky .

Grannyknot your mum sounds lovely

Thanks Seasider she was quite a character. And very beautiful.

Lucy if you are interested, there are some helpful sites on the internet for the parents of young adults with a diagnosis of bpd. Also some good up to date research about contributory causes, treatments etc. Like everything else on the internet, there's some unhelpful stuff as well, lots of mother blaming (there's a surprise). It seems current thinking is that the biggest contributory factor is genetic, having a close relative with bpd. One of the hardest things for mothers with bpd adult children is trying not to have their difficulties dominate your life to the exclusion of ordinary relationships with your other children, partner etc. Look after yourself

As she was diagnosed by the mental health team as suffering from anxiety and depression, which is very common (and treatable), I wonder why you are thinking along the lines of Border Personality Disorder at all, which, I would think, is a different thing altogether. Surely not because your partner's wife had it?

Who first mentioned BDP in connection with her? Do you genuinely think there is something wrong with her personality.

I assume you copied and pasted that description of BDP from the internet. Not good. You need to be a qualified psychologist/psychiatrist to diagnose something like that.

I agree wholeheartedly with the above two posts by jinglbellsfrocks.

You would need a professional who is not emotionally involved to make a proper diagnosis.

Jinglebells I know you are trying to be helpful but my view about DD2s mental health has nothing to do with my partner's wife - only that some of their behaviour patterns are similar from what my partner has described. Sadly it is not just my opinion that there is something wrong with DD2s personality. Her father and sister think so too.

I can give examples of DD2s behaviour here but it isn't relevant. My best friend is a qualified therapist and has suggested previously that BPD is the problem in DD2's case. I haven't wanted to believe her but as time has gone on I am more inclined to do so. It is not just me reading up on the internet and coming up with a diagnosis of my own.

As far as 'a professional who is not emotionally involved to make a proper diagnosis' is concerned petallus I am trying to persuade DD2 to go back to the mental health service locally and have another assessment but that is far easier said than done.

Thanks moomin and Iam64DebnCreme**Grannyknot**janeainsworth
for all the - my room smells like a florist shop this morning lol

lucy reviews have to be built in to ongoing therapy/treatment, so does your DD have a review date? Also, reviews can be brought forward when it is clear that treatment needs to be changed, or a fresh steer is needed from the consultant psychiatrist or psychologist overseeing the treatment. If you think your DD's behaviour is becoming increadingly unmanageable or presenting a risk to anyone's safety, the team providing her treatment should be notified. Hope things imorove for your family soon.

I'm not sure the treatment would be any different lucy even if BPD is diagnosed. The important thing is for your daughter to accept any help offered. If she won't, no diagnosis in the world will make a difference. It sounds as though you are supporting her and she recognises that, which is very promising for the future. It is a long road with mental health problems, no quick fixes as you clearly know.

I hate the term personality disorder just because it does define there being 'something wrong' with people's personalities. That's why I would be wary of seeking a diagnosis of personality disorder for anyone close to me.

whenIm64 - no review date as they signed her off as having anxiety and depression sent back to GP and to carry on taking 40mg Citalopram. She is seeing a therapist privately as NHS offer only 8 - 12 sessions which is by no means anywhere near enough for an ongoing problem.

nightowl I agree that the label is a horrid one. I am hoping that eventually her therapy will succeed but it has already been a long time. She has been ill for almost 10 years but only sought professional help about 5 years ago and the mental health assessment with a psychiatrist was 18 months ago.

whenim64 I forgot to mention that atm no she doesn't present a danger to herself or anyone else - when she did was the time we persuaded her 18 months ago to get a mental health assessment.

The internet has a lot to answer for. I hope you have not told her you think she has a personality disorder. I'm sure you have not. It would be a horrible thing to live with.

Of course not jingle it would scare the living daylights out of her (even if it would help her understand some of her thoughts and feelings and actions)

The internet has it's good points (eg this website) and its bad points - but in the main I think it is a power for good and am grateful for it.

If she's not having reviews, and there is confusion about her diagnosis, Lucy maybe a private therapist is not the person to be treating her, unless it is clear with the GP and consultant psychiatrist that anxiety and depression are definitely the conditions needing intervention. Are they all talking to each other in the best interests of your DD?

No-one is talking to anyone although the therapist will have details of the GP as they have to in case of an emergency whenim64

DD2 has organised her own therapist (she is 28 after all) and since going to her a few months ago seems a little better. I would very much like her to be reviewed again by a psychiatrist as I am uncertain that the meds she is on are sufficient or even still correct, and I don't know what the therapist is thinking about what DD2 tells her, of course.

Hi Lucy, I skimmed this article, thought you might find it interesting. The headline caught my attention "Should we see our mental illnesses as parts of our genuine selves":

psychiatrysho.wordpress.com/

Will read it properly myself later when I have time.