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Preparation for dying

(47 Posts)
grannyactivist Tue 06-May-14 19:05:39

A near neighbour of mine has breast cancer and after a great deal of thought and research, and with the full support of her husband, has decided not to pursue treatment. This has got me thinking because I suspect that in similar circumstances my husband and his parents would probably make the same decision. I know that they do not want a lot of artificial intervention if they become seriously ill or are injured and so on Sunday I had 'the' conversation with my beloved parents in law where we discussed Powers of Attorney and Living Wills. Happily they are going to see their solicitor soon and set these in train.

However, I came across a couple of articles that have got me pondering the 'medicalisation' of dying and wonder what others think.
www.theguardian.com/society/2012/feb/08/how-doctors-choose-die
www.patient.co.uk/wellbeing/health/death-doulas-helping-people-face-up-to-dying

granjura Sat 10-May-14 21:14:32

willsandco- so glad to hear you are making the best of your time, enjoying your family- may it last as long as possible- knowing your decisions will be respected.

Charleygirl Sat 10-May-14 21:40:37

Any advice please. I have no family in this country and I do not want to put the burden of P o A onto friends as they are the same age or older than myself. Also none live locally any longer!

Aka Sat 10-May-14 21:56:13

Give your solicitor PoA?

Purpledaffodil Sun 11-May-14 09:56:08

Charleygirl, one of our neighbours has POA for another neighbour, you just need someone trustworthy and willing.
Also several people have mentioned having POA done but not registered until needed. It takes at least 9 weeks for the registration to be complete which is a long time if you need financial access.

Mishap Sun 11-May-14 11:11:30

Wlls - a brave post. Enjoy your time with your new man and your lovely family. You are facing up to what most of us brush under the carpet and your approach is an example to us all.

willsandco Sun 11-May-14 17:55:38

i am afraid that I am not one to brush things under the carpet. Everyone I love and care about knows about me having Motor Neurone Disease and that half of those diagnosed with the same strain as me only live 14 months. It is daunting, devastating but there is nothing can be done There is no cure My sadness is for my daughters and the grandchildren, all of whom I adore, and of course, my new husband, Peter, who will adopt the role of the major carer. Family live three hours away in the car so we are quite isolated and so much grief will fall on his shoulders If the boot was on the other foot, I would look after him but it still is a dreadful scenario. But we have to soldier on and live every day as best we can! x

Nonu Sun 11-May-14 18:14:52

Dearest Wills,

Some [flowers ] for you !

I don"t know what to say , so sorry!

xxx

Lona Sun 11-May-14 18:21:12

wills flowers and sunshine for you, I like your style.

Nonu Sun 11-May-14 18:27:15

Lona , I second that .

willsandco Sun 11-May-14 18:37:16

This is my style today while I still feel well! My mantra today is like the song "I get knocked down, I get right up again, nothing's gonna get me down!

ffinnochio Sun 11-May-14 18:40:28

Good for you, Wills! sunshine

Greenfinch Sun 11-May-14 19:03:58

Thanks for your posts wills. Although very sad , they are truly uplifting.flowers

annsixty Sun 11-May-14 19:10:59

I think , that like the other song, you will "always look on the bright side of life" your new life with Peter will sustain you on those "dark days" flowers

Sook Sun 11-May-14 19:13:12

wills flowers

willsandco Sun 11-May-14 20:31:01

I have to keep bright. My younger daughter (39) is taking it all badly so I am trying to play it all down. Thanks for all your kind comments. Much appreciated.

Nonu Sun 11-May-14 20:44:06

OH sweetie pie, she would, to be expected.
Many , many kind thoughts to you , and all of those you love!

smile

MiceElf Sun 11-May-14 20:50:01

Dear Wills, you are such an example of bravery and great heartedness, your dear husband has been a lucky man to find you and he too is an example to all of love and commitment. This disease is a b****r but I suppose, knowing you have a dear and loving family around and, at a much more remote level, your friends on GN is a help and source of consolation. X

Gagagran Sun 11-May-14 21:29:47

You are an inspiration dear Wills and I only hope I can be as brave and positive as you are if I ever have to cope with such a devastating illness. I am so glad you have found this lovely man to love you and care for you and to hold your hand on the journey. I wish you strength, peace of mind and acceptance flowers

Sewsilver Sun 11-May-14 21:56:57

Wills, what courage you have! My DH , knowing he was dying, left everything well organised and clear. It meant that his funeral, planned entirely by him, was wonderful . Although I am still ploughing through mountains of paperwork all the preparatory work he did makes it easier than it would have been. Knowing he did it all to help me gives me comfort and I hope, in time this is true for your Peter too.
Meanwhile I hope you continue to relish happiness.

Marmight Sun 11-May-14 22:33:32

Wills you are an amazing lady - such strength flowers

annsixty Mon 12-May-14 08:50:15

Sewsilver my friend's DH also planned and left lists etc and also left very specific instructions for his funeral. One other thing he did was to tell their 2 children,both in their forties, to take their mother away for a week as soon after the funeral as possible.About two weeks later the three of them went to Gran Canaria where my friend said they laughed and cried and remembered and thanked him for his foresight,as for them it was just what they needed. I hope you soon start to come to terms and perhaps start to see the light at the end of that long tunnel.