my daughter is 34 weeks pregnant with 3 year old son-in-law diagnosed with aggressive cancer … how to support

take care.

My thoughts are with you all.

Mindi sometimes words are simply not enough for the pain in this world. I'm so sorry for all of you. All you can do is 'go with them' whatever they want to do or try next, and offer all your practical support. I wouldn't be talking hospice to a young man who still has hope .

Keep strong. You are doing great work in looking after the every day stuff. This is important and will be of great comfort and benefit all, as will taking care of GD. My thoughts and prayers for you all

I find I cannot write any other words to you, that have not already been said.
My thoughts and prayers are for you and your family.

There is little more I can add except keep yourself as sane as possible and give the little one your full attention and allow DD to deal with what life has thrown at her. She will need you and your support at all times. Am feeling concerned about you too as you are self-employed and have put your life on hold I know what that means so pl take care of yourself and your livelihood also if at all possible.

I agree with all that has been said, especially sparkygran's comments on you being self employed. Is it possible to do some work?

My thoughts are also with you and your family

Thinking of you all in this sad situation

Mindi-

My heart goes out to you and your family during this very hard time. I only have a few ideas to add to all the helpful ones above. One is to consider seriously how to take care of yourself. In a stressful situation I had with a critically ill infant son (at home for months) and a two year old daughter, I found that my inner and physical resources got tapped very quickly. I finally learned that I had to start exercising every single day and take a walk to keep me well. A quiet half hour completely alone with a cup of coffee soothed my spirit. I was fortunate that all my siblings, parents and friends offered a gift of some housekeeping, also tremendously helpful.

I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers! Hugs!

I am deeply touched by the kindness from strangers, thank you all so much. i have little energy to write but i am reading all comments send with love and I appreciate every one.
My daughter is exhausted and only wants to be with her husband, she pushes me away - she is warm and loving but cant afford to break down, i understand.
Today we got mixed thoughts from the docs, one said hummmm he is doing well we will assess for treatment next week and the other … hummm palliative care only.
healing still continuing and helping loads and we still believe there is hope.
bless you all this is my first trip here .. my daughter is on mums net and recommended gransnet.
Thank you so much everyone

Sending heartfelt sympathy, to you and the family. The support you are providing for your daughter and her husband, particularly with your granddaughter is so important, do try to look after yourself too as others have suggested. You're not losing your daughter, she can only focus one way at the moment, as you recognise. Do feel you can come on here and scream about the unfairness of it all, and there are many who will offer very practical advice and reminders too.

You sound very understanding and will not take it amiss if your DD's way to hold it together is to keep strong and not let you as close as you might like. I don't know how old she is but she is hsving to do some hard growing up and if she let up with you might go to pieces altogether. In that sense she is "mum" now but of course you want to hug her and comfort her to make it "better". I hope you have someone you can offload to (as well as GN) as you have a huge burden to bear. Is your DH / her father with you? If you have no one to talk to , you don't have to be suicidal to call Samaritans just for a listening ear. I wish you courage

So sorry for you and all your family. I'm sure your daughter very much appreciates all your help and support. As others have said, don't forget to look after yourself as well.

Has he tried reiki, it does not claim to cure but it is widely used in hospices and hospitals for terminally ill patients, it help them to relax and aids pain relief.

Sounds like you are being a great support for them. Thinking of you and your family

I can think of nothing more to add to all the above but send you (((hugs))) and a reminder that we are all here if you need us.

Thinking of you and your family Mindi. When we suffered a series of bereavements and were feeling exhausted, a piece of comfort and advice that has stayed with me was simply "be tender with yourselves, and with each other".

Thank you to everyone again, this is really hard. i have just been to the hospital and they are talking about getting him home now, we have had the OT here to assess for hospital bed. My daughter won't leave his side. it really is the worst time in my life.
some people asked about healing and Reiki, we have an amazing healer working on him day and night, its the one thing that makes a difference. I do Reiki myself and know how wonderful it is.
Hanging in, and thank you to everyone ..

Hopefully things will be a bit easier when your SIL comes home especially for your DD as going back and forth must be more tiring.

Stay strong Mindi. Just take things a day at a time and as much as possible look after yourself too.

My heart goes out to you all Mindi.
Do look up the children's bereavement charity Winston's Wish <www.winstonswish.org.uk> who have 20 years experience of helping carers & children deal with situations such as yours, well before death occurs (& even if it doesn't in the end. It has a Helpline you can call 08452 03 04 05. This was the first such charity & other's have been copied in several parts of the country but it is open to all. I am sure you are doing what DD most needs by leaving her free to be with her husband. People so overloaded emotionally often have nothing left for those closest & can feel either overwhelmed by the other's emotions or guilty for interrupting their life. So important for you to find support for you (a person, exercise, something physical involving touch) while your daughter can't give it, otherwise your feelings of loss may drive her further away. And I hope you feel the strength of GNetters behind you.

Thank you, I'm sooooo tired but your advise is useful. I cant reach my daughter before I go to sleep, she is staying with her husband in hospital and the ward doesn't answer the phone , its awful to go to sleep not knowing but i had ever daughter to take care of.
Thank you for your help, my job is on hold but I'm a counsellor and hypnotherapist… its different when its your own though!
Mindi x

Mindi you sound so strong and caring. I hope you can find lots of advice and comfort here. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts. There is nothing I can say to comfort you but I send you my best wishes. It's all so very very sad.

Mindy keep hanging on in there in my thoughts

I am sure that you are being a rock for everyone in this sad situation. Your DGD will have need of you so much as Mum's focus will inevitably be elsewhere.

I am thinking of you; and can only say that you need to give yourself some time to rest as well as being concerned for your loved ones. Your DD will turn to you as time goes by I am sure - she is fully occupied emotionally at the moment. I send supportive thoughts and all good wishes to all of you.

It is indeed is different when it's your own Mindi..

The fact you are a counsellor and hypnotherapist and could help someone in your daughter's situation flies,out the window. She just sees you as her Mum and you just being there for her is all she needs. Understandably she can't even think straight at the moment and she will be making a huge effort just trying to get through each day having to deal with what must be a nightmare for her. Poor girl..

She knows her Mum is strong and can cope and possibly feels she doesn't have to worry about you, plus, she knows you will always be there for her.

For whatever reason you can't reach your daughter at bedtime, it's not going to change any situation so then you must make sure you look after yourself and a good nights sleep is so important to keep you healthy.