Total overload

Crikey katy you sound as if it's a case of "drowning not waving"! You're going to have to let some of it wash over you ... and delegate!

Sympathies. It has horrified me that for the last year or so, when it is family birthday time, Christmas, Easter, my reaction has become one of frustration and irritation at the extra effort involved in stepping up to meeting the pressure I feel. This year, we've agreed on a family Secret Santa and everyone's happy with that and has agreed we'd rather have a nice time together and forget the buying of stuff that, for the most part, no one really needs.

I get ill when I'm stressed. I daresay you do already but do you take extra vitamin C? I've been a fan of Redoxon for years when stressed, sometimes I buy other formulas of vitamin C. They do give me a lift and my immune system a boost.

Sounds like you have got an awful lot on and the SIL rugby injury must be a real worry.

Do try to rest, easy to say, hard to do. Even taking yourself off to bed for 15 minutes and listening to a podcast etc (what I do) can make all the difference.

Oh dear hun you are seriously overloaded. Is it possible to delegate anything? I know it's probably not because I used to be an overloader and it's difficult to get help.

As regards to the Montolukast. Take it. Our son has it and it's very effective. It helps to suppress the bodies reaction to allergies.

Katek speak to your family, especially your DH, about how overwhelmed you are getting. See what they can suggest to help.
You should definitely try to get to the dentist, as a dodgy tooth can poison your system and drag you down, until you get it sorted.
Please don't keep trying to struggle on with everything.

Why do you need to put the decorations up so soon? Get someone to do it for you or wait until after the panto. Ours are still in the loft.

You have undertaken too much and know that now you have promised you must complete so decide now that you won't do it all next year and stick to it. I know how hard it is to say 'No' but believe me once you start it gets easier.

Katekthe description of your life sounds so familiar......I too am very busy and it affects my health when I'm on overload. In recent years I have learned to pace myself better and also to delegate more, but sometimes it's just a case of getting through and making sure you have a decent 'recovery time' after the hectic times have past.

I used to get into this state, and still do to a certain extent, so I know how difficult it is to let go of things and delegate.

I remember when I was doing far too much, and then had a mini collapse, that I didn't give things up because they were pleasurable. For instance, your activities with the village panto sound so interesting. I would love to be able to do something like that.

However, something's got to give.

I realised that many of the things I felt overwhelmed by did not have to be done right away, or even at all. Perhaps making a list in order of priority and significance of all your tasks would help.

For me, a priority this year would be the village panto, the tooth. Some of the stuff you mention is now behind you. As for SIL, a worry but not primarily your responsibility I am guessing?

Non urgent things like catching up with various family members I would leave for a bit. Ditto the accounts.

Hope that doesn't sound bossy. Just saying how I would tackle it.

In theory that is because, as I said, I was hopeless at letting anything go when I was seriously overworked.

KatyK I think you have to prioritise and delegate.
DGC for 3 days for Inset days? Are you the only grandparent? However much you want to help "my children, my problem" is perhaps something your DC might bear in mind.
Are you truly solely responsible for the village panto? That is either laziness on the part of others or bad planning. What if you were in hospital with pneumonia? Who would sort it out then?
Can your DH not take responsibility for his own accounts?
Likewise SIL there must be others to share that burden although of course you worry and it doesn't mean you care any less.
Get that tooth seen to-NOW - that won't wait.
It is too early to worry about Christmas decorations so shelve those for another fortnight.
Too many women are martyrs because others let them take sole responsibility and let's face it, we enjoy being needed,but enough is enough.
So make that list- highlight the things only you can do (dentist, asthma) and prioritise and delegate. Good luck!

Oh my!!! I want to sit down just reading your post Katek, in fact lie down would do it for me.. you will make yourself ill.... get some others to join in and help you is the only advice , can't someone else do the visiting for instance...

Good luck with your panto..

Well, the pantomime is nearly over now. Let someone else do any last minute costume alterations. The village lights must be pretty well switched on, or at least up and ready. It's too early to think about cards or decs. Surely DH can sort his own accounts? Daughter can look after SIL, can't she? Why would you worry about him? (injury was self-induced) Hopefully the cat's on the mend.

So that just leaves family - by far the most important people in all of this. Enjoy your gift buying for them, and then enjoy yourvisiting/Factetime, or whatever.

If you are too ill/don't really want to do village stuff, don't do it.

For goodness sake, calm down. Keep warm and take a rest now and again. Find a good book. Try being happy.

Will not add a Xmas emoti. Far too early.

I echo soutra here. Sit down , make a list of the tasks that only you can do and be ruthless here, delegate the rest and that means letting go of the task and the responsibility for the task and then prioritise the rest with health coming first. I think you need to ask yourself why you load yourself up like this.

Thank you all for your posts - I think I just needed other people to validate what I already know. Knowing and doing are two different things though and this is where I go wrong. I seem to be an eternal optimist-either that or exceedingly stupid-but I always believe that when I take these tasks on it will be different from the last time. I'll have more support, people will live up to their commitments, I'll be able to delegate, if I start planning/doing earlier etc that it will somehow work. Of course, it all dwindles away and I'm left with myself and a couple of dedicated people to get tasks done. I know I should walk away when it gets to that stage, but then I feel guilty that I'll be letting the community down and that will make me as irresponsible as the ones who waltzed off earlier in the process. I come from a forces family so I don't know if that sense of duty has been instilled in me-to carry things through to the end. My father was a WW2 pilot and duty figured large in our upbringing. That's all very well, but I shouldn't be half killing myself to do things. I don't know what it's like in other communities, but we have various village committees-amenities, sports ground, village hall, community council etc-and it's a hard core of around 10 people who appear on all these committees wearing different hats. I also think I need to be liked/approved of if that makes sense to those if you with a psychology background??

Anyway, I sat down with large mug of tea and wrote a list. I'm abandoning all pretence of my Christmas until panto finishes on Saturday, I'm taking my new medication, I have a dental appointment for Thursday, DH is taking a couple of days off so,hopefully, he can get his accounts sorted out, village lights are now up, visits can wait until holidays and long term I need to have serious talk with all the young re their expectations of me.

Jings....I so loved your post, you really do cut right to the chase!! Yes, SIL's injury was self inflicted.....why on earth he's insisted on playing rugby at 43 I really don't know! My son played from 6 - 32 and pretty much retired at that age-SIL started to play at 40! We all knew it would end in tears.

You need some triage.

Write a list and put everything in order of preference - the things that can't wait or be delegated at the top, the ones that can be done later below them, with the ones that don't need to be done at all below that..

Put the ones that someone else can do in a separate list, and ask anyone you can get hold of to do the delegated stuff. You are NOT indispensible, no matter what everyone tells you.

Concentrate on them in the order you have listed them, one at a time. Cross them off as you go, and sit down with a cuppa at frequent intervals.

When you are feeling particularly fed-up, cross off a couple of the optional ones. That feels as though you have done them, and looks good on paper, so you get that sensation of being on top of things.

I always believe that when I take these tasks on it will be different from the last time. I'll have more support, people will live up to their commitments, I'll be able to delegate, if I start planning/doing earlier etc that it will somehow work. Of course, it all dwindles away and I'm left with myself and a couple of dedicated people to get tasks done.

This is the part where I think you need to rethink for another year.
No, what happened this year and last, will happen again!

I know I should walk away when it gets to that stage

Well, no. I think that if you have committed to it, unless it will make you ill, then really you should go through with it if you have got that far.

The trick in my opinion, is not to get to that stage in the first place.

I also think I need to be liked/approved of if that makes sense to those if you with a psychology background??

Perhaps you need to work on this bit. Look into it a bit more.

No-one has to write cards or put up xmas decs in their own house. You can cross those off your list straight away. Let people wonder (and ask) why they didn't get an xmas card this year. Then you can tell them you bit off more than you could chew. If they know you, they won't be surprised.

Plus what jingle said.

Everybody has already given you good advice Katek. You mention needing to feel liked? This could be at the heart of things, as you agree to take on everything to please others.Learn to say 'no' to things.We would all like to think the world would stop turning without us, but it won't and someone else will have to do things for a change.Lists are a wonderful way of making order out of chaos. What has to be done, what you don't need to do, and things you would enjoy doing, all on a list to be ticked off.Next year, make a resolution to sit back a bit.

If somebody in your village asks you to do something, say 'let me have a think, and get back to you on that'. It gives you time to think and not get railroaded into it.

but no answers...sorry. I get like this somtimes. Mostly this time of year. I'm a list writer. I find it helps Trouble is now all my work colleagues know when my anxiety levels are rising because they find my list and a timetable at my desk.

My life used to be a bit like that but illness made me slow up.

I am a list writer too - one step at a time, then cross it off the list and resolve also not to take on too much again. If it is not your problem then don't try to help if there is other help available and don't fret about it.
I had planned lots for next week, but have DGD for three (part) days so things just won't get done. Three INSET days in one week sounds a bit OTT .

It was 3 days AND nights as they live 70 miles away.

Well done, Katek. Let's hope that your panto is a rip-roaring success and that you'll feel a lot better without that weighing on your mind. Of course, if it's an enormous success, you'll be pressurised into doing it again next year. Perhaps you can find a good reason not to commit yourself! Just smile enigmatically and say, 'I may have other plans'.
Best advice for the moment - get plenty of sleep!

The temptation to feel we are indispensable and our unconscious desire to foster that can often get us into this sort of pickle. I have found out the hard way the last few weeks that people can do very well without me if push comes to shove.

Good reason not to commit yourself to next year's panto is easy-peasy - "I've done it for a few years now and I need a change."
You won't be letting down the community - if the community is so keen on having it happen they'll have to do a bit of volunteering themselves, won't they!

Well said Mishap, have recently learnt that to my cost......50-60 hour weeks at work and making myself far too available to others for last 3 years have led to burnout. Now forced to leave that work because of stress and ill health and had time to really sort out priorities I realise the world doesn't end if I say 'no', all rather late but at least health improving and hope to return to former job as a nurse ( fingers crossed)