chemo

You're getting in a state again, ethel! Everyone who's been diagnosed with cancer feels like you do, but you will get through the treatment and you will be well again.

You don't have to have anyone to accompany you for treatment if you don't want to, and you don't have to have visitors. You can take control, it's your life and your illness. Keep your pecker up!

ethel they are not busybodies at the hospital- as I said before, get a grip.

Ethel - you are understandably struggling to stay calm in what is a difficult situation.

It is very hard for you to think straight and some of the things that you are saying arise from that.

If you think that treatment is not for you and you wish to let your illness take its course, you need to discuss that in detail with your doctors, so that you can make a reasoned decision with their help. It would not be a good idea to make such an important decision because you feel frightened - you need to base it on facts.

Your feeling that there is no cure for bowel cancer arises from your current state of mind and not from facts.

I think you should see your GP and explain your fears and your dilemma about treatment. He or she will be able to look at the correspondence from the hospital and advise you and give you the chance to talk it through. He or she might also feel that some treatment for your anxiety might be helpful to get you through this patch. I know that this is what my friend with cancer did and it really has helped her. If you do go to the GP, then when you ask for an appointment it would make sense to ask for a double appointment so that you feel you have space to discuss all the facts.

You might think about some relaxation CDs - learning these techniques gives you a weapon to fight the moments of fear and to bring you some calm.

No-one can say why you have this illness, but I know that when we are ill we all ask "Why me?" and I can understand you feeling that way.

You are clearly a very private person and this illness must feel like a real ordeal for you when all you really want to do is hunker down at home and get on with your life - so it is a bigger hurdle for you than for others. Please do not regard the hospital staff as busybodies - I spent nearly 30 years working in hospitals and I have to tell you that this is not how people think. All we ever wanted was the best for the patient and I know it is the same now.

I think that you need one professional in whom you can place your faith and confidence and who can get to know you and your personality and how this illness is affecting you. It is likely that the best person for that might be a MacMillan nurse, and you can get in touch with them and ask for their help. Please do try to find one person who can guide you through this in a way that suits you.

My OH has Parkinsons and has a specialist nurse who helps him - he too is a private person, but he has found that having a link with one person he trusts has been extremely helpful.

Take a deep breath ethel and give yourself that little push to find your own personal way through this journey that is ahead of you - you can do it.

I am thinking of you and sending all strength and courage.

I do meditation and healing, I taught relaxation until a few months ago. I have been told I cant see a GP even though mine has asked me to make an appointment with him, the receptionist will not give me an appt.

I am reluctant to see macmillan nurses as I still see them as a last resort.

I just want to see into the future but at the same time I don't as I saw a clairvoyant who told me I had an incurable disease and I would die, this was a few years ago and I felt ok and just laughed about it at the time but now I think it may have been true.

ethel {{{hug}}

(and I don't often do that! )

I wish I had your GP'S phone number because that receptionist would be making you an appointment tomorrow! Phone again and try to be assertive but not angry with her if you want to see your GP - insist.

Having treatment will give you the best possible chance of getting better. You have to give yourself that chance.

I'm sorry ethel but now you are just being silly. Of course people are cured of bowel cancer, and so can you be. I am shocked that a clairvoyant told you you had an incurable disease, I thought reputable ones made a point of not giving clients frightening predictions like this.

I've not dealt with Macmillan nurses myself although we have had a lot of help from their benefits people, but I definitely wouldn't see them as a last resort! They are there to help.

Surely you can get an appointment with your doctor at some time even if you have to wait. If not phone him and tell him you are having problems.

When you are on chemo keep a check on your temperature. The hospital may well want you in if it goes over 38 degrees (I think -I'm not very good with centigrade) so do call them - better safe than sorry!

Sorry for nagging but it's far too early to think about giving up. Good luck!

No Im not being silly, Im going to dance round my elder berry tree naked and wave and upside down cross around. Might as well try witchcraft, on the other hand might get pneumonia. OOOh its chilly round the back.........

That sounds more like it!

Maybe it would help if we all volunteer to dance naked round a tree! - the mind boggles!

Ethel - I do not quite get the fact that your GP has asked for you to make an appointment - how do you know that? Whether he has or not you are entitled to make an appointment - just ring up and do it. No receptionist is allowed to refuse for a patient to make an appointment - this is nonsense. If she says no, then tell her you are going to ring the health ombudsman.

If you know about relaxation - as you clearly do - then just do it!!

Listen carefully ethel - I will say this only once........MacMillan nurses are NOT just there for the terminally ill !!!!!!!! How can we get this through??!!

Pick yourself up and get your sparkle back and fight this thing - and take all the help you can get. And stay away from blooming clairvoyants. Of course she said you are going to die - that is the one prediction that she can be sure of and does not take a clairvoyant to work out - we are all dying for goodness sake! But you have the chance to put that off and get a chunk of good life yet - go for it.

Don't be daft Ethel, if your GP has said you are to make an appointment, then you must make an appointment. If your receptionist is a dragon who doesn't believe you when you say your GP told you to, then sit down and write a letter to your GP, asking him if HE would mind making the appointment, since the receptionist seems unable to.

You are pretty vocal at telling us all about the problem, why not take it to where it belongs - the surgery?

And why not ask your consultant or the lovely nurses at the hospital about your fears? They see people EVERY DAY who are in exactly the same position you are - waiting for treatment and worried stiff. They will spend time with you explaining what will happen, what just MAY happen, and what will NOT happen. They know what the procedure is at the hospital you are attending - which no-one here does, they can only tell you about THEIR experiences.

Now for home truth - Stop suspecting everyone's motives. The doctors will NOT tell you lies, any more than we would - than we already have, several times over. They would be in trouble if they told you lies. ASK and you will get an answer.

Sit down now and write a list of all the things you want to know, and what fears you have. Then lift the phone and ring the contact number you have been given for a cancer nurse who has been assigned to you, to answer just these questions and support you. No, she is not a vulture, there to watch you die, she is an expert in everything that is going on and will help. I know that you will have been given that contact number, because I was, and so was my husband. Other people who have had cancer (and most recovered!) had a named contact too.

And another suggestion - you have had a vast number of posts from good kind people posting helpful and loving replies on here. I do hope that you have thanked them for their support.

Just thought I would let you know that I had chemo - 6 intravenous doses at 3 week intervals. I continued to work and had a couple of days off after each treatment. I felt a little nauseas and tired but no worse than that, the tiredness being because I got a little anaemic. This is temporary and reverts to normal when the treatment is finished. Have you had tre flu vaccination? If not it would probably be recommended.

Apart from that I can only endorse what others have said about getting the information you need from the experts who are there to help you and that includes your GP. And do whatever helps - if that includes dancing round the garden naked go for it!

Do please listen to us all, ethel! Elegran has summed it up well, as has Mishap and we all need you to take note, for your own sake.

Can't dance - but can manage a bit of gentle swaying - will that do?!

Have you rung your MacMillan nurse yet? If not, do it now. She can advise and pull strings and open doors you never knew were there.

Ethel you say that you taught relaxation techniques, in your profile you mention complementary therapies and in another thread you said that you were a reiki practitioner. Is it not time for you to put some of that expertise into practice?

I forgot to say ethel do make a list of all your questions and anything else you think is relevant before you see your consultant again. If you don't you'll probably forget the ones you really wanted answers to. I know you say you're a private person but you really should have someone with you when you see him. You probably won't take in more than half of what you're told and another pair of ears is really helpful to fill in the gaps.

I do think a list is important, but can't agree that you should have someone with you, unless you want it. I'm actually better on my own in such situations (and yes, I have been through it too) but some like to have the support of a relative or friend.

deedaa the problem is that Ive got no-one to go with me, My DD is at work and if shes off, there is no-one to leave the baby with, that's my job. My friend might go with me but the last time she didn't turn up. my mother would come but she really doesn't understand about cancer plus she doesn't drive anymore and I would still need someone to take me home on some occasions. another friend works 60 hours a week and I cant ask her and I don't want to ask one of those befriending charities as I would hate to be with a stranger. I also don't like to think my confidentiality is compromised as Im keeping it secret from most people and everyone who knows is likely to let it slip.

I really think the NHS expects everyone to be sitting at home with big families and friends who can be available at any time to run to hospitals and back. Many people live alone and are independent so they should not expect us to have ready made escorts.

I have a friend who says she will come to the chemo with me but she grumbles every time and is not keen so I will not ask her again.

I would not change my situation, I like living alone and could not bear a partner just to look after me because I would not want to look after a partner in return.

Aren't you getting ahead of yourself a bit, ethel? Have you been told about your treatment sessions yet, have you got dates etc.?

Then you are stuck with being alone, ethel if you won't allow anyone to be with you. You can't have it both ways. Don't you think you could put up with someone for once in a while when it would be to your advantage to have someone with you?

If you can't stand anyone being there, then get the consultant to write short notes of what he has told you, so that you can refer back to it.

Why not write out all your questions, with a space below each for the answers, and hand it to him, asking him to note down the answers for you?

You will need to use your noddle.

And as for not telling anyone - you can't complain of getting no help or consideration if you place yourself above asking for it.

You say you do complementary therapies and you live in Northumberland.
There is a charity called Lifespan which helps people who have been diagnosed with cancer. Look at their website to see if they can help you.

elegran, I said I have no one to go with me, I hate begging.

I laughed at your expression 'use your noddle' though. lol haven't hear that one since I was a little girl.

If you won't accept help, then you will have to go it alone - without complaining, because it is your own choice. You will probably be OK - the companion is suggested "just on case" you find that chemo makes you tired. you may well take it in your stride.

But when there are people who will give you a lift to the hospital and take you home again, without you begging, you are just being stubborn if you won't even consider them.

What is so wonderful about being too proud to admit that you are not superwoman? If you broke both legs, would you insist on walking into A&E?

Or shuffling?

Sorry to be flippant, but I agree with Elegran - you can of course go it alone ethel, that's your choice. But agonising about it and worring about people 'finding out' isn't helping you.

Good luck with whatever decision you make.

I just don't want anyone to find out apart from close family/friends because I don't want them to feel sorry for me, I don't want the get well cards or the phone calls to see how I am, or worse the visits to gawp. I just want the people who already care to visit me or ring. It seems that when people find out you are ill they will want to do the above, even if they have not visited for a long time. Does no one understand that.