chemo

Who are all these people you imagine are going to phone you and/or visit you to gawp? Why would they?

If you are such a private person I wouldn't have thought anyone other than close family/friends would be interested, to be honest.

It is only your family and friends who will phone to see how you are, ethel You have spent years keeping everyone else at bay, so I don't think they are now likely to rush over in droves.

Gawp? Do YOU gawp at people just because you have heard they have cancer? If you don't, why do you think anyone else would? Are you such a fascinating creature that you think your health is an object of interest to all?

One in three of us will have cancer at some point in our lives, so it is not unusual enough to attract any special attention. I would guess that about half of those who post on Gransnet are either in remission from cancer themselves or have a partner who is.

I have been in remission for nine years and am not ashamed to say so - why would I be? Many people have been in remission for twenty, thirty years. Remission means that NO-ONE can ever say with 100% certainty that it will never come back - not that they can say that it WILL come back to bite you.

The more people who say publicly that, yes, they have, or they did have, cancer but they are now fit and well and expect to be fit and well for the next ten, twenty, thirty years, the fewer people there will be who go into a panic attack and bury their heads in the sand at the mention of the word - as you did, ethel before you received all the support and attention and advice from the posters on this forum.

I have posted a few times on threads by you - usually with long gaps between my posts as I find I get rather frustrated by your ingrained negative attitudes to everyone and everything.

After this, I think I shall just keep well out of it. You have said repeatedly on your many grumbling threads that you don't want anyone's help, so I will not burden you with mine.

ethel read some of these extensive, sensitive and helpful posts and realise that you are not the only one with health concerns.

That's it, my patience and sympathy are gone.
ethelbags you cannot write on threads that you need support, advice and empathy then either kick it back when so many have been rooting for you!
As Elegran says you don't want the help, so no more will be forthcoming from me.

I was about to post something on the same lines as the last three. I think you are confusing feeling sorry for someone and being sympathetic towards them. Nearly everyone has experienced cancer either themselves or someone they care for and so identify with you and try to help. Until you are ready to accept help there is little we can say.

I do understand ethel a bit - genuine friends will want to help if you let them, and the Macmillan nurses and other medical staff too.
However, there are always those that you don't know so well, perhaps work colleagues or neighbours, who will look at you with the ultra 'sympathetic' synthetic smile, head on one side and say 'And how 'are' you' in a sickly sweet voice.
Drives me mad, I just want to get on with life and not discuss medical issues all the time. And no, I don't keep people at bay, my true friends understand that.

Chin up, ethel, you are frightened and that is understandable. But in the main people want to help so don't put up too high a barrier against the world.

thank you rose.
I think back to a late relative, whom I saw now and again and when she said her cancer had spread all over I felt that I should go and see her more often. We had no been particularly close but I went and asked if I could help her, go shopping etc and she was very grateful, I wanted to be friends in case the worst happened. I realise now that she probably did not want me but was being too polite to say. At least we were friends when she passed away. That is my reasoning behind my saying that I don't want people to gawp. I don't want those who Ive not been particularly close to to visit or make contact so Im keeping it secret where I can. Its not being nasty as many think.
Anyway thank you all once again for your comments of all sorts. I think maybe I should not mention the C word again. As someone said many on here have had cancer before but what I don't understand is that its such a serious subject that how can anyone not be worrying/talking/thinking about it every minute. I do and it will bother me for the rest of my life.
However that's the last I am saying.

ethel once again,it will not bother you for the rest of your life even though that is how you feel now, I, along with many others on here have been where you are now and know how it takes over your life. But now 15 years later I can truly say I don't think about it for months. I am too busy getting on with my life,and yes, if someone had said that to me at the time I would have been bitter and cynical,saying, yes it's ok for you now, but it is is true and you WILL realise that in time.

A pleasant post ROSE.

ethel It is not the cancer that you should stop mentioning, it is the way everything appears to you to have been specially arranged by horrible people to inconvenience you and pry into your life, even those arrangements which are available as ways to make your path easier.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ethel You said you helped a friend when she was very ill and that she was very grateful, Then you go on to say you realise now she probably didn't mean it. Why? Why do you assume she didn't really want your help? You weren't gawping when you visited your friend. Why should you think differently about other people? I just don't understand it.

The truth is probably that ethel is managing perfectly well on her own at the moment and does not feel she needs need anyone to accompany her to appopintments (though I would say that if she is alone she needs to get a written copy of the answers to her questions to refer to later) or to help her with her shopping and so on. That is fine, no-one will force help onto her when she doesn't need it.

But she MAY find that her treatment makes her feel tired - so a companion couild be a good thing then. She MAY find that she has forgotten some detail that she was told - that is where a second pair of ears can register the information and repeat it to her. She MAY feel that carrying home a load of shopping is too much, or that it would be great to have someone hang out the washing or make her a cup of tea.

The professionals know that it is possible that these things may happen, so they have assured her that help is available. Note - AVAILABLE not compulsory, and if anyone involved were suspected of being there to poke about her home, or to gawp at her, they would not be in the job much longer.

I worked for various Care companies in the Community for over twenty years, and during that time I inevitably came across people either suffering with cancer or caring for a loved one with cancer There was never ever any time that any of us who were specifically trained for non medical help in this particular field would have even remotely contemplated treating anybody in the way you seem to think ethel, and I do feel quite sad that you seem to have such negative pre conceived idea of the help and, yes, sympathy, concern, and GENUINE reasons for offering what support is available, from help with domestic chores to shopping, to just chatting. Yes I have been on the receiving end of Cancer. My Stepfather was diagnosed after recently being widowed, and as an only child, what a dreadful year that was, but it was that experience that made me realize that there must be so many people in the same position as me who, like me could have really done with someone just to talk to, help change a bed, anything!!! that I became a carer. My own OH developed Prostate Cancer four years ago which was very scary, but with wonderful care, advice and my own training(!!) we got through and he is doing fine. Please ethel don't face this on your own, there are a lot of kind, genuine people who want to help. Of course at the end of the day it is your choice.

I will just say that since DH was diagnosed with cancer nearly all his work colleagues have melted away. One man whom he barely knew started visiting and has been a complete rock and they have become very close. I was approached by a not very near neighbour whose husband has cancer and we have long and therapeutic talks if we meet in the street, but there is no visiting and definitely no gawping. A couple of DD's friends have offered me help if I need it but so far I haven't.

I think that accepting help or companionship from a stranger, whether it's Macmillan or some other charity could be a good thing. It can be much easier to share worries with a stranger sometimes.

Yes - honestly do try Macmillan Ethel. My son is recovering from Bowel Cancer and he is a very private person but he found the nurses very helpful. My cousin also had bowel cancer in her 60s and has been free of it for 14 years. MacMillan nurses helped her a lot - that's their job.

I do so agree with the last two posts. It is often so much easier to talk to a complete stranger than with family and friends. Family often worry as of course they will, so you tend to tone down any concerns and put on a bright face when if fact you feel anything but bright! Macmillan nurses are fantastic, as are other people professional or otherwise, and are all out there to help, advise and, yes, sympathise when appropriate. So, ethel, if you are still reading this thread, please don't just dismiss all offers of help as just insincerity by people who just want to pry and gawp, without giving their support a try. I think you could be very surprised in a positive way!

Update if anyone still wants to talk to me, I have been through, being brave, being a coward and all sorts all due to not knowing what was going to happen. Advice to anyone in my situation, don't go online for advice (apart from gnet and be prepared for some tough answers). I scared myself silly with advice from online sources. My friend is an experienced careworker and she scared me with tales of horror.
I started IV chemo today and was trembling in terror but I met a lovely lady who has been on it for 7 years on and off, poor soul and she was so cheerful. I could not believe it she said she could sink or swim and which ever way she was going to go feeling cheerful. Im not that brave.
However Im home, just taken oral chemo as theyre giving me a double whammy. My main side effect is tingling in my hands if I touch anything cold, Ive dropped several plates and cutlery. I had my mother to make me a meal and see to animals etc so Im just feeling a bit tired and a bit strange but with about 30 different drugs inside me I expect that.
Am seeing my DGD tomorrow and I know it will cheer me up.

Good luck etheltbags and well done for laying that particular ghost! You have cleared the hurdle of your first experience of chemo and I sincerely hope that it continues to go well.
The power of DGC to cheer you up cannot be overstated-have a lovely time with her!

Well done, ethel!

Don't overdo things, you're bound to feel strange, but next time will be a doddle, I'm sure.

You might want to ask your careworker friend to just say cheerful things for a bit.

Other than that. Lovely ethel. Glad things worked out well for you today.

Well done you take it as it comes big pat on the back.

Well done Ethel. DH also had tingling hands after treatment which did lessen with time. It's worse in the cold as you've found, so he took gloves with him to wear as he left the hospital. Hope all goes well with you.

Well - you did it! Pats on the back I think!

Definitely, you were very brave for even turning up!