chemo

ethel. Just keep telling yourself your on the road to recovery.

Another pat on the back for you.

That's great ethel I hope it all goes well for you!

Hope you have a lovely day with your DGC, but don't overdo it and wear yourself out!

Well done, and allow yourself some tlc. Your DGD will cheer you up, they are so lovely at that age and unaware of what is happening.
Your friend should not do that, ask her not to fill you with negative thoughts.

I looked at things online and someone suggested a support group but I am a bit head-in-the-sand and the thought of a support group with everyone sitting round earnestly discussing their symptoms filled me with horror! Other people may find it really helpful, though.

Good for you etheltbags I think you've coped extremely well considering how scared you were!

btw I rang macmillan today, I need not have worried the call handler is based in London and their adviser will ring me soon, it seems no one will call, all advice done on the phone,all very impersonal so its ok. As long as they advise me I can sort things out myself. Another hurdle over.

I'm glad you have contacted Macmillan, Ethel. They will be very supportive and sensitive to the way you feel. I hope you will have a good outcome to your treatment.

You are striding forward - well done indeed!

I think most cancers have good support groups on facebook. No need to meet anyone but you will find people having exactly the same experiences as you who will be happy to offer help and moral support.

Oh dear I hate to moan but I must ask all your advice, I may be wrong but my mother (83) has been telling her friends that I have cancer.
I have asked her not to tell anyone but she asks 'how can I not tell them'.
She let it slip when I saw her tonight, I went for tea as usual on a Saturday and she had been ringing my phone and mobile as she has been doing for the last few days since I started chemo, I live 2 doors away and I was engaged on the landline so she kept ringing the mobile as I was not answering. I am angry with her for ringing several times a day, asking if she can do anything or what I am feeling like. I have told her that Im ok, not in the best of moods with some horrid side effects but bearable. I went out in the car to the shops and she said I should not be ok to drive, she seems to want me to be a little girl again.
To top it all off she has said my bin is too full and I should empty it and bring the rubbish to put in her bin. I don't want to carry rubbish to her bin as I could get an infection. she has been making sarky remarks about my washing my hands so much saying she never washes her hands that much, \I cant get her to understand about having a reduced immune system. What can I do Is it me being to harsh or so I deserve some privacy. I want a normal life not being controlled by my mother I am 60 not 6 years old. I am so angry.

Your poor mother is 83 and obviously worried about you. Cut her some slack for goodness sake

Ignore what you can she will be worried sick about you and fussing is her way of "caring". That said, your cancer has given her something to "impress" her friends with as she clearly has little else in her life. Try to be patient, laugh or shrug off what you can and conveniently " forget" the rest.

sorry but I cant 'cut her some slack', If she chooses to be disrespectful then she will just have to put up with my anger. It is disrespectful to tell her friends, one of whom I cant stand, about my illness. The fussing I no doubt will have to endure.
If she was ill I would never tell anyone, she is capable of ringing her friends herself.
she is not respecting my choices of wanting to be independent and I would rather struggle than ask for help but at least I have a normal life.
The cancer has won if I have to be looked after by my mother.

I have begged her to listen to me when I tell her about my immune system being low and how I need ot do extra cleaning, hand washing etc and she just mocks. How do I handle that, she doesn't understand.

Take a deep breath, take the phone off the hook if necessary, agree some times to meet so that you do not entirely neglect her, she is your mum after all, but then organise your own life - even if you have to be " creative". You will not have the energy for very much so how about giving her your ironing which will help her to feel useful. But otherwise you will have to ration your time with her, swallow some of your anger as it is using up valuable energy and remember that she is of another generation. Can you imagine how you would feel if it was DD? Try and then get on with number one.

Out of interest, did she move near you, or did you move near her?

I too agree that she is probably worried sick.
[though I appreciate I dont know all of your back history, either on here, or in real life].

You are however entitled to some privacy.

And you are so entitled to look after your immune system.
I dont get why she is not being helpful about that.

Has she accepted that you have cancer? [though I suppose she has if she is telling people]

Perhaps she doesnt want to accept this new information of looking after yourself and your immune system.

soontobe. I moved to be near her when DD was small as I intended to go to work and she could look after her for me, which she did very well. However it has meant that she regards us as her personal property and feels she can interfere at her will. She thinks her way is the only way and cant believe that I let my DD make her own mistakes and lead her own life, I try not to interfere.
she has helped me out financially often and it makes me feel that she can buy me. I just cant help wondering why she wont let me live my life as I want to. I sometimes wish I had never moved so close and just made a duty visit every week or so like many people do.
DD wished I had not told her about my illness but she would have wondered why I am off work.
When I am at work, I work flexi hours and often finish early maybe 4pm and if I do she is on the phone asking whats wrong am I ill etc, Up till now I am never ill so I think she is obsessed.

she even has been known to remove the contents of my bin and fold it neatly so the binmen don't see a mess and I can get more in. I don't care about my b....y bin.

I agree with Soutra that she has very little else in her life. Including bothering about your bin!
I dont think that she is going to change now.

Vent away.
For what it is worth, I think that she does understand about your immune system. She just would rather not have to.

soutra is right, this is using up valuable energy, so try to just let it wash over the top of your head.

They are her friends, not yours, so you don't have to see them, although if they are nice people they will be concerned for you rather than nosy. I can understand you wanting to keep it to yourself.

Can your DD have a word with her granny and suggest she stops fussing but does do those things you would like her to do. She is anxious about you, which is natural.

Perhaps the hospital can give you a leaflet about lowered immune systems which you can shove under her nose give to her nicely with bits highlighted about what you shouldn't do and things to avoid..

Deep breath, big smile (swear to yourself if you want to)

Sorry, I shouldn't lol but I am, thinking about your bin and her repacking everthing!

I'm wondering how she manages to fold everything! The mind boggles...

I have to admit that DH had an incurable cancer for 4 years before his mother died and I managed never to tell her. I knew that in her mind cancer would mean instant death and I couldn't stand the thought of her constant queries about his health, in a suitably sepulchral voice. I just mentioned that he had a problem with his bones, which she translated into something like her arthritis. When he had to retire early I said it was because he had fallen and damaged his shoulder. This was true as far as it went but I left out a lot of detail. DH wasn't bothered as he never saw her anyway - yes it was a fairly disfunctional relationship!

Basically we've told people about DH's illness on a need to know basis and not many people have needed to.

had big row, nothing unusual there and DD had talk with her with the result that she bought DD a box of chocs and said little to me. Oh well.

Im just feeling a bit (quite ) under the weather, I thought chemo would be a doddle, just keep on having a normal life just a bit of tiredness.

Is it normal to be affected by smells, like when pregnant, I cant stand the smell of handwash, antibac sprays etc and it makes me retch. Anyone had this happen