Good friends who won't diet

It's almost like they're pushing a 'self-destruct' button isn't it? They know what to do and have support from others yet chose to carry on the same.

I too have a morbidly obese (that term is enough to scare me silly) friend who easily eats at one meal more than DH and I would eat in 3 meals. She honestly puts me off eating when I see the volume she consumes at a single meal yet cannot change what, I presume, amounts to an addiction.

She complains about serious joint pains and self-medicated because doesn't want to hear what her GP will tell her. She's had Dietician appointments, come out and eaten a whole fresh cream sponge on her way home.

It's very hard to stand by and watch.......

well if it is any consolation , I put the biscuits back in the larder and didn't have pudding tonight . Your post has made me look at myself

How many of you are having a glass of wine while reading this?

Back in the days when I had hormones I eventually realised that there was a specific time in the month when I couldn't stop eating...crisps, chocolate etc.

I'm sure most of us realise that alcohol consumption can contribute to weight gain, but there are only about 85 calories in a 125 ml glass of wine.

There are over 300 in a portion of chips and around 450 in a doughnut.

Not me! I only have one glass a week. One piece of cake a week.

I used to eat as if I would never have another nice meal again in my life. Which was silly. I know I can have those things - just not every day.

I don't buy biscuits until DS is back for the holidays, nor crisps. We no longer eat bacon (that one is tough) and only have cheese once a week. It's not that we never have them, and it may seem quite strict, but I am still overweight and the diet is only working very slowly, but it's what works for me. It's taken me a good two years to realise that no, all those diets don't work for me, I really have had to retrain myself. I read somewhere that if you want to be a size 12, you have to eat like a size 12. That has kept me going.

I had really hoped that warnings from Drs would give them both the push they needed, but apparently not, and what inspired this post was watching The Casual Vacancy last night where the Dr loses her temper with a patient at a dinner party, and tells him that he is not only wasting her time and resources after his heart attack, he is also using four times as many drugs as he should need because he is a pig and won't stick to his diet. At which he looks very pained and tells her that he only eats good quality food. I really think that that is how they see it.

Ana I'm glad that we now agree that a glass of wine isn't the same as a doughnut
Only joking!

Trying to buy a small wine glasses now is like finding hens teeth. I did find some paris goblets eventually, my friends look startled when presented with them as all of theirs look as if they contain at least half a pint.

I'm glad you've now realised that it was the number of calories that the waiting-room tv programme was referring to, not comparing the nutritional value of wine and doughnuts, janea!

I am now feeling sorry for Aggie, but you know, there is probably someone out there really wishing you would look after yourself better.

I'm enjoying my second glass of wine right now - and your point is Durham?

I wish in restaurants, if I order a small glass of wine they wouldn't put it in a large glass and make my drink look minuscule.

I think Durham's point Riverwalk is a large glass of wine contains the same amount of calories as say a cornetto ice cream.

It's also portions, I love smoothies and used to put in four dates and a large handful of almonds plus a banana, berries and seeds and one cup of water. I wondered why I was getting a roll of fat on my stomach, I was eating the same through the day and only having a smoothie for breakfast. I loved those smoothies but have gotten used to less fruit and nuts and cut out the dates.

I think we all know how many calories are in a glass of wine.

It sounds like thier love of "good" food outweighs their dislike of their health problems.

I do sometimes think that health problems to some people, are not as worrying and troublesome as they are to others.

What is a glass of wine though? Here where I live, a normal glass is 2 decilitre- and is very small compared to the ones served in the UK. A large glass in a pub is over a 1/3 of a bottle - the 'I've only had one glass' is a bit loose. But a good point made- some of our friends are very careful with the amount of calories they eat- but not the ones they drink!

Ana 1.5dl is a tiny glass- most people drink a lot more than that ;)

We don't drink unless with are with friends or out- but we do have a few squares of 70% Lindt with sea salt instead;)

1.25 (re-checked your post) even smaller. Just tested it- with a normal medium size wine glass- it is about 1/3. A full glass to the top is 3dl. But many of our UK friends have much larger glasses that contain a lot more, even if filled to half mark. And yet they still say- oh it's ok, I've only had 1 or 2 glasses (= almost a whole bottle at 7.5dl).

granjura, 125ml is the standard amount in a 'small' glass of wine in the UK. A 'large' glass can contain 175 ml or 250 ml.

I have to admit I never thought about the calories in a glass of wine until recently. I was surprised to find there are more calories in an ounce of almonds than an ounce of chocolate. I think all this calorie counting is off putting.

I know Ana- the point I was making, is that I know few people who have a small glass;)

Thinking about the OP some more. What about the aspect of 'guilt', as a good fried or relative. If you have a friend or relative whose behaviour, be it over drinking or eating (or under/poorly), or drink-driving, taking v. dangerous risks, smoking heavily, etc, etc- whatever- and you don't make any attempt at discussing this with them- when and if disaster strucks, be it via accident or illness, etc- then will you not forever be thinking 'if only I had talked to them about it- told them how their behaviour worried me- because I love them, because their family who love them asked me to try and intercede?

Thinking again about my dad, didn't smoke, ate like a sparrow, did tons of exercise, didn't drink- but continually took stupid risks clombing on rocks, going for massive walks or xcountry ski hikes in the woods, without a phone or telling anyone where he went, carrying huge pans of boiling water across the kitchen to save tuppence, climb on the roof to clear snow, driving too fast and erratically at 90+- etc- had something happened related to the above, and had I, we as a family, and with the suppport of friends and neighbours, not had done our best to try and curb these excesses- wouldn't we have felt dreadful that we didn't at least try? Clearly our own experiences influence the way we react in other cases. If you've suffered from seeing your parents being alcoholics- you will be extra sensitive to seeing others with the same problem. For me, it was the constant un-necessary risk taking with dad. For others it will be food- if their parents died of diabetes or other food related illnesses, etc, etc.

As it happened, my dad died aged 96 due to severe diahrroea (sp???) after being given unsuitable antibiotics as a precaution (!) in the OAP home where he was from age 95, as a few in-mates had the flu (he didn't!). He was so thin, just skin and bones, and had no reserves at all- he was gone is 2 days- heart attack as he sat on the toilet, and all alone, poor man.

But if you have tried, and tried your best, even at the risk of losing that friendship... then you'll just have to let it go. If you can't bear to watch, you will have to put some distance between you and them.

Advising anyone above the age of about 50 on overeating is a bit of a pointless task if you ask me.

Hindsight is wonderful as a tool - for beating yourself up with, IMO.
We all wish, think, are sometimes desperate to make sense of things that have happened yet in this case the individuals involved are decisively acting in a way some of us would consider to be leading to ill health etc.
It's difficult to stand by and do or say nothing but they have to make a decision to change of their own volition.
Very tough for everyone involved.

soontobe I was over 50 before I fully understood how too many carbs unused can make sugar, how two vegetarian objects together can make protein, it's all so very complicated. People use calories as a guide because it's easy. I complain about the size of my friends' wine glasses because wine (although I do love it) is empty calories, although the antioxidants thing is good news. It's sugar. If you don't exercise it off, it will stick to you like fat and be bad for your teeth as well!

Yes, I know all about those huge glasses in restaurants making your wine quantity look as if you have already gulped down half a pint in the 5 minutes since you arrived! In Paris you are given a small paris goblet and it's filled to only about half an inch below the rim. If that. So that you won't look greedy.

Someone once bought us pint wine glasses when DBH made his own wine. I had to explain that we drank it in liqueur glasses because it was so strong!

granjura that must have been tough, and my own mother doesn't seem to eat enough but my step-father assures me that she does, all I can do now I think is hope that the warmer weather will bring more of a desire to have another look at their diet sheets. When I mentioned that possibility more in hope than expectation, some weeks ago, she said something along the lines of oh good, I can start making icecream again. I suggested sorbet. She said she might as well buy a pack of ice lollies.

I was really talking about choosing to overeat.

What you describe I would put under the heading of not understanding everything there is to know about the best ways to lose weight or keep weight off. Which applies to a lot of people.
Which I dont consider as being the same thing.