Good friends who won't diet

They are a bit like surrogate parents, so yes, it is tough.

Jane

People will only change their behaviour if they see some benefit to themselves, and if they believe that they are capable of making the change.
To get any benefit from changing their diet they would probably need to exercise too.
From what you've said janer, none of those conditions seem to apply.
So I would say nothing and keep your friends.

The psychological element would have to be addressed, dieting alone would not work..

It's tempting to start on how much a double-height coffin will cost, to accommodate their tummies. Instead of getting them to diet, I shall start planning their funerals. 'How to influence people, the JR way'.

I've already done the 'Don't see food as a reward' bit. I made all sorts of suggestions, and their solution was a bottle of port.

I think I need a zip for my mouth.

When you find one - please get one for me JR ;)

I think it's also worth remembering that dieting has a really poor rate of success. I recently had to look up the figures for this, and it really is true that 95 per cent of dieters have put on all their lost weight and more within I think it was three years.

Instead, the cutting edge behaviour change thinking these days is to make small, permanent changes which reduce people's weight effectively, but without imagining that the 18 stone person is going to halve their weight and stay that way.

Just losing a stone or two makes a difference, but obviously the stone has to stay off. This can be done by using low fat milk and dairy, reducing sugar and alcohol, going for a short walk every day....tiny, tiny alterations in lifestyle.

Mind you, I'm quite envious of people who actually enjoy their food, having been on a neverendingdiet since I was 16 and feeling guilty if I eat anything other than lettuce.

I am a chef, mainly retired now, I have never made Cauliflower Cheese using either double cream or eggs.
I just had a look through my countless recipes and am still flummoxed at where the eggs come in. ??????????????????????
French recipes use a lot of cream and butter but it is a basic white sauce with cheese added in all the recipes I can find.
The only time i would use eggs is if i was making it into a quiche.
How about a cookery course as a gift, concentrating on tasty low fat meals, something which looks like fancy cuisine but has an underlying health message?

Tegan, that is so sad I have to say. Can you remember what triggered it off???

For sure, our experience with close ones, parents, friends and sibblings in the past do influence the way we feel and also behave now.

Having lived abroad, watching my own dad become more and more of a risk taker, to show how 'young and with it he was' and eating so little, to save money and to 'make a point' - I was so so grateful for friends and neighbours who did listen to my concerns and tried to stop him killing himself one way or another- and eat sensibly (eg more, not less)- as it was a constant worry for me. And I truly understand how other children who live abroad feel about their own parents now.

... as I am on an expat Forum full of youngsters worrying themselves silly about some of the obsessive behaviour of their parents a long way off.

I make my cheese sauce with skimmed milk, half fat creme fraiche and low fat cheese. Still yummy, simple to make and better for you.
With little changes we now eat healthier versions of things we love. The Hairy Dieters have loads of ideas so you can fill your plate and still lose weight.

I know someone who is terribly overweight and is waiting for a knee operation which the surgeon won't do until she has lost some weight. She is only 60, 5 years younger than me. She can hardly walk now with the pain of the knee and the weight. She said she is 'trying' to lose the weight. After Christmas I asked how she was getting on and she said 'well, it's so difficult isn't it?' 'You know yourself, once you've opened one of those large bags of Doritos, it's impossible not to eat the whole bag isn't it?' At the risk of sounding like a goody-goody, I wouldn't dream of doing such a thing. I love my food as much as the next person and have my greedy moments but I also don't want to end up in the same position as her, so I have to curb it.

It is very distressing. I spent my whole working life as a nurse wanting people to help themselves more whether it was stopping smoking or eating more healthy diet or giving up addictive substances. What I learned quite early n is that people have to do this for themselves and until or unless they want to it will never happen. all e can do is love them and support them. When you offer advice re what they should be doing its a criticism and a form of judgement and often has the opposite effcet. Leave well alone, pray for them, love them - its all you can do.

janea I do feel for you but agree with thatbags. They are adults and should be allowed to make their own choices, however disastrous they may seem to someone else.
It is up to their children to try to persuade them but quite honestly they have to decide for themselves - you can only lead by example.

I do love cauliflower cheese - but not with cream or eggs!

Not me roseq

It is difficult sometimes you do need a really big wake up call. I had always been slim and then after the menopause gradually put on several stones in weight. I knew what I had to do but only tried half heartedly. Three years ago I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes and was horrified and very upset. However I have beautiful grandchildren and wanted to be around as long as possible to enjoy seeing them grow up so I now keep strictly to what I am allowed to eat but still eat well and enjoy what I have. I have lost 3 stone and feel so much better for it and my GP says my control is "perfect" her words. It has as I said been a wake up call but I've tried to turn it into a positive.

I sometimes use up cream in a white sauce and would have bacon (instead of eggs) with cauliflower cheese. Bacon's good in macaroni cheese too. Or sausages.

In the same boat here. I've lost 5 stone and weight/diet is a taboo subject between me and my friend.
She says I'm obsessive... well, I probably am, mainly because I don't want to put 5 stone, plus, back on.
She is diabetic. She is under a dietician, but says she can't follow what she's saying. We go out for lunch and I order a salad, she orders burger and chips, but tells me she won't eat later...
Her hub is like a lath.
They live mainly on ready meals, takeaways and lunches out.

At Christmas she invited us for a M & S meal sometime.... which has never materialised.

There are none so blind as those who will not see.

OH and I have small appetites - he is crowing just now because he has managed to get UP to 8 stone!

I find it hard to watch those who over-eat - but it is their right to do so.

A couple of friends are huge and their appetites are mind-boggling. After going out to a restaurant for a meal (having eaten at least twice as much as us), they came back and put a whole large camembert in the oven and proceeded to eat it all with a large French loaf! And a mid-morning snack is two mars bars each!

A family member is getting huger by the minute - she has diabetes, but drinks lots and eats even more. The real downfall is supper - after eating 3 huge meals and snacks all day, she always has red wine and cheese and bread before going to bed. She can eat us all under the table.

I guess we are all different - and maybe we are lucky that we have small appetites so are unlikely to get into this situation.

As to your friends - they are adults, they can read and hear, so plenty of advice will have entered their heads - and flowed straight out by the sound of things! I should just enjoy their friendship as long as you may.

I am the same as you Tegan. Part of me would love to be one of those people who appear not to care and just eat what they like. I am probably about half a stone overweight but I have only managed to keep it at this level by limiting all sorts of foods. If we go for a nice meal and I over indulge, I feel I must punish myself for the next few days. Oh no, I can't believe I had I had some fried/roast potatoes/butter/pudding! It's ridiculous. It doesn't help having a DH who can eat what he likes and is stick thin (although he has type 2 diabetes).

Well done to all of you who have lost a few stones!

Indeed - I am no skinny minny myself, but I am losing weight gradually. I have had to retrain myself, as I am no longer as active as I was. I suppose I feel, if I can completely change my eating habits, why can't they? And why WON'T they?

The egg in the sauce thing - they have a real Thing about protein. They know it is filling, they don't want to eat too many carbs, so they eat too much protein instead rather than veg. In this case, the chips they would have had before they started their 'diet'.

They have never knowingly eaten a salad. They can eat a full roast dinner on a hot day when I can eat nothing.