COUNSELLING

I've had several courses of counselling. My issues are so complex they can't be dealt with in one course.

Good quality counselling is very effective. It's difficult and will churn up emotions that you have buried for a long time but it's worth the effort.

My dd and ds have both had counselling and found it helpful.
I think it depends on the circumstances.

I had some counselling when I was living with an aggressive and violent partner and simultaneously going through a very difficult time in my teenage daughter's life – the two situations were almost certainly not wholly coincidental. As a result of the horrible situation in which I was living, I had lost 3 stones in weight and was painfully thin without my even noticing it. I found it extremely helpful in the long run in clarifying my thoughts about myself, my relationships, my hopes and intentions for my future and my daughter's, until I felt strong, confident and secure enough to act to improve our lives – well, probably not improve that of the violent partner but I learned to acknowledge that that was his responsibility, not mine. It took some time for me to get there and I very much appreciated the help in finding my way when I felt so beaten down (literally and emotionally).

They listen. I am not sure they are supposed to offer practical solutions.

I think counselling probably does help but the difficulty is finding a good counselor.

I have had courses with NHS counselors, who seemed to be obsessed with being able to tick boxes. I have also been to private counselors who were not effective at all. I still have problems which I am trying to work through on my own.

Of course they don't offer practical solutions – how could they? They help you recognise and acknowledge what is happening and encourage you to find a solution. For example, I was completely taken aback when it was pointed out to me that every time I mentioned my daughter, I automatically made a strong holding motion, but every time I mentioned my violent partner, I made a pushing away, dismissive motion. Being made aware of my body language – which wasn't always in accord with what I was saying, not that I consciously lying – helped me clarify what I truly felt.

Sorry you are depressed, mariana. Yes, I think counselling does help.
Just talking to someone outside your everyday life helps to get perspective on your problems. Their job is to listen, not make practical suggestions though. It's not a complete cure, but can help you see your life in a different way.
I've had individual counselling and group counselling. Both were of great help to me, especially the group, and I still use some of the techniques
I learnt on that course.
Best wishes to you.

Interesting you say that absent.
The person who I know who is having some counselling, has been given practical solutions, and the person who is being counselled, has acted on them.
Those of us around him, thought that that was unethical thing for the counsellor to do, if that is the right word. Plus we think that what the person being counselled was advised, is based on what he has told the counsellor, which is at best a twisted version of the truth.

A good counsellor can really help, but it's not always easy to find one.

Absent you must be a very strong woman to go through that and come out the other side.

Mariana you've posted befire about feeling depressed and going through a bad situation. I hope you find some help. It's good that you are reaching out and looking for a way forward.

soontobe, are you sure that the person you know who is receiving counselling is being completely truthful about 'practical solutions' having been offered?

Anya Thank you for recognising and acknowledging that but what was truly bizarre was that I have always been a strong woman and then failed to realise how I was steadily being reduced to a truly feeble – emotionally, psychologically and physically – creature until it was almost too late. I think I was very lucky with my counsellor.

Ana, perhaps not. Good point.
But I suspect he is being truthful about what he says was advised.
Or another scenario is that he got the wrong end of the stick in some way.

I'm not sure but I think anyone can set themselves up to be a counsellor – you, me everybody. I don't think they have to be licensed or trained or even halfway intelligent. I would suggest that if you are looking for a counsellor to help you get to grips with your life, you go through the NHS which always used to and probably still does require training and experience.

I remember friends going to a marriage counsellor. After a few sessions, one of them said that the counsellor agreed with her and advised one course of action, the other that the counsellor agreed with him, and advised a completely different course. Two people at the same meetings, who had taken away two versions.

I assume that the counsellor was being impartial (and would not be advising any specific course of action) and I knew that a large part of their marital problems was that neither would listen to the other's point of view.

Unsurprisingly, an acrimonious divorce followed. To get help from counselling, you do need to open your mind to it.

mariana. In trying to find a counsellor, I would recommend that you seek one who is an accredited member of the British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy. Assessment is quite rigorous before acceptance. Any good counsellor or therapist worth their salt will offer an initial session, in order to allow you to question them on their practice methods and accreditation. It also gives you the opportunity to see if you could work with them.

Good luck.

Further, if going to the GP to ask for a counsellor, there will probably be quite a waiting list, the counsellor may often be a 3rd year trainee building up their hours, and you'll be offered 6 weeks. If you think this will suit you, then that's good. If you feel the need for longer-term therapy, contact the BACP.

I have benefitted from counselling but I would strongly echo ffinnochio and recommend that you work with a registered counsellor. The BACP website offers a register of qualified practitioners and each gives some brief details of their specialisms, approaches and qualifications.

The counsellor I saw offered an introductory session which allowed me to explain what I was hoping to achieve and her to explain how she worked and what I could or could not expect.

I don't believe it is the case that any counsellor will fit any situation. Different approaches may work better for some people or some issues than others. You need to explore the situation a little before committing yourself.

On the issue of practical solutions, the counsellor I saw did not hand out practical guidance or instructions. Her role was to help me explore issues and my own history for myself. However, I recognise that this might vary depending on the form of counselling and the nature of the issues to be explored.

Hello mariana, I'm sorry you're experiencing depression right now. Counselling/therapy can be very helpful, but one of the most important aspects of successful counselling is the relationship between you and the counsellor; you need to be comfortable with and trust that person. There are very many theoretical approaches to counselling; as a trainee counsellor I chose to have extensive training in Person-Centred Counselling and Gestalt Therapy and lesser training in other approaches, but in practice I used a range of different theories and methods. One type of counselling may suit you better than others. I would also strongly endorse what ffinnochio has said about finding someone who is registered with BACP, but also try to find a counsellor who is under regular supervision. I stopped counselling when I moved away from my regular supervisor as I think it's really important for counsellors to be subject to another's trained opinion.

mariana, I have been seeing a lady (recommended by my GP - they had employed her at our local practice until the funds were reduced). She is a qualified psychotherapist (plus a few other things) and she leans towards a branch of Mindfulness called ACT. I have found it very useful - yet its difficult to exactly put my finger on what she has actually done for me. Depression and anxiety are such 'catch all' labels that sometimes the more you dig the more there is to find and understand.

For example I was depressed and yet once we started to have our sessions it soon became clear to me that I had every reason to be a mass of emotions and just calling it depression was stopping me getting to grips with it. I had dealt with a lot in my early life and was now going through some more very trying stuff and as 'my lady' explained I should feel down, tired and very unhappy as that was what these particular experiences would be likely to do.

Anyway will not go into boring detail enough to say that after years of going up and down, coping sometimes and not coping on others I now feel I have had some very good sessions that have enabled me to understand my emotions better, rationalise them and bring some strategies into play when I need them - although the later does take practise.

I'd recommend it but with the obvious proviso that you have a word with GP...and then be properly advised as to the qualities of a councillor that will be pertinent to you.

Good luck.

mariana About eleven years ago I was quite depressed about work - I was in a job that I didn't enjoy and which I didn't feel I was doing particularly well. So it wasn't as serious an issue as some of the posters on here have experienced but nevertheless it was causing me a great deal of anxiety. My GP arranged for me to have a course of counselling - seven sessions I think.

I found it enormously helpful just to be able to speak freely to someone who actually listened properly and didn't keep breaking in with their views and advice (I think it is always a temptation to try and fix things for people, but counsellors are trained to listen attentively and help you to reflect on the things you say, rather than give you their opinions).

I do hope you will consider counselling - it is certainly worth a try and you may find it very helpful. As others have said, you need to "click" with your counsellor - if you feel uncomfortable with her/him it is best to try and find someone else.

I thought David Smail hit the nail fairly and squarely on the head.

My therapy was very helpful.

It's easy enough to get a bona fide counsellor if you know how.

Either go for someone registered with the BACP or the British Psychological Society if you want someone with a background in psychology.

There are lots of different therapies offered by counsellors and you need to see if this approach is right for you, and if not you can look elsewhere, although you may have to pay.

I am sorry that you are depressed - I too suffered a depressive illness late last year and early this year and have got it under control with a small dose of anti-depressant. The therapy that I was offered (CBT) did not prove at all helpful to me, although others have found it useful; but I do know that there are many other therapies that might have been helpful, but are not available on the NHS here.