Diagnosis.

rubylady - this is a difficult situation for you. I think the only thing you can do is be guided by the medical team and discuss the situation with them, at length if necessary.

I don't know what LPA is but I think that you are your dad's main carer so it's very hard for you.

Having been very close to cancer and dementia in the last few years and having been the main carer on two occasions, I learnt to ask for support where ever I could find it.

This situation is potentially exhausting for you, so ask lots of questions, see what help is there and try to rest (as you are doing) when ever you can - lots of hugs, stay strong.

Many of us on GN have been through and are going through difficult times with our parents. You sound like a wonderful daughter and Mum, I hope you are taking care of yourself too.
I hope your Dad recovers well from the operation and can soon leave hospital. Where will he go when he is discharged?

I send you hugs rubylady.

and (((hugs))) rubylady
You're a remarkably resilient lady, a brilliant mum and daughter. Keep asking the hospital team questions, and you could try helplines such as MacMillan and the Alzheimer's Society too.
I hope your father recovers quickly.
Take care of yourself too, x

So sorry you have to go through this. No advice but sending hugs.

rubylady . I think you can only be guided by the doctors and your instincts. His quality of life is the most important thing as you say. I'm sure you'll make the right decisions (((hugs)))

Best wishes to you both from me rubylady and a hug for you . Just take advice and you will be doing the best for your dad.

to you. Such a lot that you are having to contend with. Have quality of life issues been discussed with the doctors? Dealing with cancer is hard for anyone, but will be hugely confusing for someone with dementia - I think you need to be prepared that he may be more muddled immediately after the surgery. You are treading a hard road, but I hope that there are people on Gransnet who can walk beside you. x

I can only wish you good luck, just be there for him and cheer him up, ive been through cancer both myself and a relative so I know its not easy.
,

Having just seen my husband's dementia worsen considerably after a stay in hospital for pneumonia, without even having surgery, I would go for quality of life over longevity every time. I hope you receive the level of support from other gransnetters that I have. Hugs and

Sending positive thoughts and virtual hugs to you ruby lady. Many of us have had similar experiences with our elderly parents, its a real tough one. I share your concerns about quality -v length of life. We faced similar issues with our mum and mil. As others have said, do try and look after yourself as well as everybody else. It's hard to put yourself first and most of us believe doing so is the height of selfishness but do try and set some time every day, aside to do something for you. It might only be an hour on gransnet or a read of a book/watch a soap but do something that helps you unwind x

ruby I'm so sorry you are in this sad and difficult position. I've been there with both my parents and recently MIL. The advice hear is excellent be guided by the medics and nurses and know that we are all thinking of you.

My thoughts are with you rubylady, I was given the same dreaded diagnosis last night. My world has fallen apart

Harrigran and a GN {{hug}}
When you are ready to share, there are shoulders ready to lean or cry on.

Harrigran I am so sorry to hear news.

your news.

Hugs for you ruby

Hugs from me as well.

Oh rubylady I can totally sympathise with the sad dilemma you are faced with. I wondered if possibly the doctors could give you a clearer indication of the outcome of treatment for the C (once they know obviously) and that may help you decide what is best for your dad. Is he able to talk this through himself or would it be you and the doctors making a decision on his behalf? A few years ago my late grandma underwent a pretty major operation for C. She was 90 years old at the time and we were all concerned that it was too much to put her through at such an advanced age. Fortunately her consultants carried out a full "risk assessment" taking into account her advanced age and her quality of life and between us we decided she should have the op. She lived another 9 wonderful years so the decision was the right one. On the other hand my mum also has advanced C. She also has unconnected kidney failure meaning she is on Dialysis 3 times a week. She is only 74 but there is no way she could undergo surgery.

I appreciate that your dad has dementia which needs to be taken into consideration, but I am sure his specialists will help you reach the best decision for him. I hope you get the help you need to make the right decision for your dad. Stay strong. So glad to hear your son has been lending a supportive arm to you. Its amazing how young people can step up to the mark when they need to.

What a very trying time for you, rubylady. I hope the surgery is successful. harrigran, I'm so sorry to hear of your diagnosis. I know you have a nursing background and wonder if having a certain amount of inside knowledge makes things better or worse. Your head must be in a spin. Just remember we are here for you.

So sorry to read your news harrigran

Please try and stay strong. My thoughts are with you.

....and lots and lots of

Harrigran that news must have been devastating. from me and hugs also. We are here if needed.

rubylady A very difficult time for you also. As somebody has said, is your father aware of what is happening? Can he talk it through with you? I agree with others, quality of life is paramount. Please look after yourself

Harrigran [hug]

for you too Rubylady.

Has your LPA been registered rubylady I'm assuming so if not please do it asap.
It would seem from your op that you are aware of the very real possible decline in someone with dementia after a GA. I really feel for you. How advanced is his dementia? I know what I think I would do but that's irrelevant, it's what you and the medics decide is best for your dad. think of you and remember to think of yourself in all this.

harrigran so sorry to hear that.((a virtual hug)) from me