Diagnosis.

harrigran That's very good of the consultant. When my DH was diagnosed the consultant said he would have to have 37 consecutive days of radiotherapy. We told him that we had a holiday booked and he said the same 'go and enjoy your holiday' we will start the treatment afterwards. So we did. I hope you have the positive outcome that we did and I'm sure you will

I've come late to this thread. Just to say that Admiral nurses are not solely available through the British Legion, some Health Authorities have them too. I have one through my Health Authority, and he is brilliant. I use him to talk to, but he will advocate to DWP, LAs etc, help fill out forms etc. He has even offers to accompany me looking round possible nursing homes for my DH. He tailors the help he gives to what you want or need. Such a support.

That's lovely, harri. Do as you're told now!

How kind of your consultant - kinda restores one's faith doesn't it?

Please enjoy Cristmas with your family.

Hi again. I need to know I am not going mad over all this.

My dad has been told today (took by a care worker, not myself, at his request) that his is to have palliative radiotherapy. So there is no cure, just to hold the symptoms in check but he was told that the cancer can go to one of his other organs.

So, as I see it, he will have a treatment that will not cure him, that will make him sick, for the short term of a few weeks will impede on his quality of life, and after that he will still be poorly with it and still be suffering from his dementia, which will probably be slightly worse by then too. In my eyes, is this worth it or should he not have just had palliative care and enjoyed what time he has left and doing the things he enjoys even if it means for a shorter time?

On another level, he is now allowed to claim DLA or PIP for terminal illness. I have no idea if this is being done, nor if the social services are claiming attendance allowance on his behalf? His best interests in my eyes are not being met, both financially and medically. But he doesn't want me involved now and wants to take control back for himself. How can he, when he has less faculties with which to make such important decisions? It's crazy.

I might have been jumping the gun but I was looking into nursing homes, where there is one right near me where I could have visited him regularly and be there quickly if needed. But I can't even sort that out for him now. So I have no idea where they will put him if he needs it.

I asked him, due to my health, to pay for taxis to and from the hospital to save two hours waiting time and travelling time. I think that is what tipped him into thinking that I was taking his money. I wasn't, but he even now refuses to answer the phone to me. But last week and today he has paid staff to accompany him to the hospital with him. My head is messed with it all, it's madness.

He has the solicitor going to see him tomorrow, I have no idea for what. I do think she is to assess if he has mental capacity to make any decisions for himself but she is no doctor?

My easy option is to hand all LPA to the solicitor who was made second LPA for a case such as this. I am not LPA to his health so that would be left to the social services. Then I could get on with my own health concerns and just visit him if he lets me in time.

But I don't want him to be taken advantage of. I don't want him to have a bad death. Or is it time I learned to back off from people when they don't want me to be involved with them anymore. I have always been a carer, always wanted to do the right thing by people, but it really has got me nowhere. Why couldn't he have just spoke to me about what he thought I was doing wrong? I thought we had got close and this has again torn me apart as I was trusting him at last (he wasn't trustworthy as a dad when I was younger) but I have been proved wrong again.

I am now going to lose him knowing that he is mad at me for something but won't talk to me about it and I can't seem to do a thing about it.

No-one seems to have said anything?

Ruby just do what you think is the best compromise and what you can live with afterwards.