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Nothing left to give...

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glammygranny Tue 01-Aug-17 12:13:09

I work full time in the NHS. I regularly work 10 or 11 hour days just to meet the demands of the job. Yes I get the time back but of course when I take the time off I then am behind again so it never balances out. I'm a very good problem solver (even though I say so myself) and that's what I'm paid to do. Friends say I am a great friend and can be relied on to be the first there for them. My problem is it seems I care too much.
In 2017 so far... a very close family member was in a bad car smash that was lucky not to claim their life, my best friend of many many years was so ill she was at death's door and I sat with her at those times. She's been told she has months at best left to live. Another very close friend is also very ill and relies on me for emotional support. I have a mother with dementia who is in a care home. She was always a very demanding woman when well and the dementia has only made it worse. I have a husband who doesn't 'do' emotion and if I try to talk feelings to him I'm told how lucky I am and that my problem is I don't know how to relax and sit still. Problem is if I don't do it it doesn't get done. Ok when it doesn't affect me but when there are serious repercussions if bills are not paid then doing nothing is not an option. My daughter only ever seems to call me for advice when she has a crisis. At the minute I just want to lock myself in a cupboard, hug my knees to my chest and stare at the wall. I feel totally burnt out. I've given so much for so long that the storehouse is empty. The media is full of how wonderful NHS get it and the generous sick pay we have! Well that's a total laugh. I was off last winter with a serious infection so if I were to go to my GP now and get signed off I'd find myself in front of an attendance management panel where I'd get a warning about my attendance. I just needed to rant and here seemed as good a place. I'd so welcome any coping advice any of you lovely folk could offer.

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Gemmag Wed 09-Aug-17 11:56:43

Looks like I missed a few posts!. Let's hope a week away from it all will leave you feeling a lot better, hope so?

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silverlining48 Sun 13-Aug-17 19:58:59

If you are on sick leave when you go away suggest you check this out with the gp and get an ok. Just in case of problem with employer.

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glammygranny Tue 15-Aug-17 08:54:49

I saw the GP yesterday and she has started me on meds as she thinks there is 'proper' depression and anxiety and not just stress. I'm lucky at the minute to be able to sleep for more than 4-5 hours. Also saw the counsellor but was a bit of a disaster as one of us got the time wrong ( we can't decide who) so I turned up 40 mins after the start time. She suggested I bring hubby along to one of the sessions but when I mentioned this it was not exactly recieved well. He's already decided the counsellor is on 'my' side. I've said I believe we desperately need an independent 3rd neutral party who can listen to us and pick up on how we speak to each other and that this could then be the catalyst for change. Somehow I don't think this is going to happen!
We did talk about the job round the house and he said some times he wishes he was rubbish at DiY as that way all jobs would be paid for and that at his age he wants to be slowing down. He's 60. I don't have a problem with that but still pressed the issue that I'm totally perplexed as to why he never actually finishes any of the jobs he starts and that I've always wondered why this is. I got a rant that I should be jolly grateful to have someone good with their hands and that I was not handless myself and finish off some of his projects. I then suggested we simply pay for any of the bigger jobs that are on the cards at the minute and was told " well actually I quite enjoy the DIY". Now figure that out @@###@#@ ( my attempts at screaming).
I rang all the people yesterday that I've been waiting on hubby to ring for weeks to get quotes for things. Have decided it's actually less stressful to just do it rather than continually asking if he"s find it. I told him I have the quote for the new bedroom floor and a fitter lined up. He's not pleased as he's very good at laying wooden flooring but I've pointed out he's told me he has no time. He says what I've done is akin to blackmail as feels he now should make the time to fit the floor as he doesn't see why we should waste money on a fitter! Oooooh I could scream.
Anyhow I have the luxury of at least another 4 weeks off so was thinking of lots of visits to o!d houses and gardens. Can quite convince myself to spend nearly £1000 on a 1 week holiday but this may change. I had a couple of panic attacks at the weekend and I guess I'm afraid of being away and this happening

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devongirl Tue 15-Aug-17 14:09:30

glammygranny so sorry to hear of your problems with hubby and DIY, I know at least 2 women whose OHs start something and never finish it, and then they are accused of nagging.

I really think you just need to drop everything at home and go away for a week, not days out because it will all crowd in on you again when you get home. Treat yourself! flowers

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FarNorth Tue 15-Aug-17 22:38:04

Reading your post, it feels like your husband has you stuck in a maze. Every time you try to make progress, you are blocked.

I'd be inclined to ask him if he really wants your marriage to continue and, if so, to tell him he has to go with you to see the counsellor.

It really seems your husband is causing you a huge amount of stress.

Could you have a week away in the UK, not abroad, so it would be less worrying if you did have a panic attack?

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