DH in such pain!

Have you had a district nurse visit? If you are dealing with his nursing and personal care, they may be able to provide help - in various forms - maybe items of equipment. And do you need folk to actually hep you with the physical stress of all this - maybe carers coming in?

This poor man was obviously seriously battered. What a terrible strain for you both.

You need to ask for all the help you can get - even if your stoical OH resists!!!

PS If he is lying about in bed again, he needs to wiggle his toes and circle his ankles to avoid DVT.

pleased there was some respite synonymous. The pain clinic could be a good idea for you. I found them unbelievably helpful with CFS/fibro symptoms. Wishing you both a good nights sleep and an understanding GP tomorrow. If you can’t get your husband there please do ask for a home visit, a very reasonable request.

We got a wheel chair last year from Age U.K.

And Red Cross will help with wheelchairs long term loan

Thank you for replies again.

I do have help from the pain clinic and use meds and a tens machine which keeps everything fairly manageable although the exhaustion side is still difficult. When energy is non existent like it is today we just have something like Alpen for meals which is ok and won't kill us even if not exactly ideal.

We did have 6 weeks of help when DH was discharged from hospital but it was only supplying someone to supervise and encourage us to prepare our evening meal. It was not to actually do anything physical. There were days when it was just not possible as I was unable and sometimes the ladies who were sent would assist even though they were not supposed to. It was such a strain that it was a relief when they no longer came. We celebrated that first night by me going to the local chippy and getting our meal! You have to laugh or else you cry and it makes you just wonder who thinks up these wonderful schemes. And yes, I do appreciate that the intentions are good!

Having had a tussle to get to speak to a doctor this morning we had a friend collect the resulting prescription and take it to Boots who had to be persuaded to dispense the meds today and not tomorrow. Our friend had to be very insistent or they would not have dispensed the Oromorph but they would not dispense the Zapain because it was on the repeat prescription even though the frequency was being increased and DH does not have enough to wait for the 4 days we are supposed to wait. Fortunately I have similar meds which I can share with DH but that is not the point and hardly ideal. What if we had no access to the drugs needed, what were we expected to do? I intend to share my feelings on the matter with them tomorrow after the appointment with the GP who will also be fully informed. If we get no apology their HO will be informed about the whole matter. You really couldn't make it up could you - and we just don't need all that on top of everything else. Whatever happened to the patient/customer being at the heart of everything? L
You shouldn't have told me to keep posting I am certainly letting it all out now!!!

Just saw the messages on wheelchairs. We initially borrowed one from the Red Cross but when DH was allowed to use crutches he 'graduated' and clearly is not keen to go back to a wheelchair especially as he has been told by the surgeon to try and get off the crutches now. Hopefully we will find out tomorrow if there is anything intrinsically wrong or if it is just because he is not really ready for increased weight bearing. There is clearly a fine line between too much and too little weight bearing, I just wish we knew where it is.

Keep talking to us synonymous. There will always be someone to listen. I’m just sorry you are having such a tough time. It sounds as if there will be some straight talking tomorrow, good for you. Hope you can both have a restorative night.

Dear Synonymous, I'm relieved that your DH and you also are getting much needed help from his Dr. As was stated, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Please continue to post as you will be in our thoughts.
You have come to the right place to let out your frustrations,
Such good advice from the posters on this thread. I do agree with you about getting prescriptions filled. Pharmacists and Doctors seem to think that a person will become addicted to pain meds when a person is in severe pain. I don't believe that is entirely true.
Hopefully, you can both get much needed rest tonight.
Hugs from cold, snowy Montana ?

When Paw came out of hospital he was assessed as qualifying for a 6 week program to rehabilitate/enable him to function more independently with Carers up to 4 times a day, OT (mobility aids etc) and Physio although the latter wasn’t as proactive as I might have liked.
www.cnwl.nhs.uk/service/milton-keynes-reablement-home-team-raht/
Is there nothing similar available where you live? I wasn’t at first keen on the idea of our home being invaded by “social service carer types” but how wrong I was! We settled for 2 visits a day, helping Paw with washing or showering, dressing, catheter care but most of all supporting me on a steep learning curve. Sometimes they were here for 30 minutes, sometimes an hour.
I think you sound as if you need much more support both for your own sake and your DH’s.
Do ask e.g.the District Nurse service at your surgery to direct you.

"supplying someone to supervise and encourage us to prepare our evening meal" - well what the hell use is that!? It sounds as though Paw and Maw got the proper help. That is what you need.

I always smile when you see on TV people who have wonderful high-tech wheelchairs and aids etc. Most people have to go to the Red Cross. When working with people with disabilities I had a right royal battle on my hands to get folk anything vaguely resembling the help and the aids that they needed.

When our 6 weeks was coming to an end I looked into private agencies and found that £16 -18 an hour seemed about the average and they would do anything (within reason) in that time, dressing, washing, help with bedmaking, personal care even meal preparation. Not giving meds or lifting and I think shopping might have been out too because of money changing hands. I haven’t gone down that road (yet) although I am tempted as helping/supervising a shower is about half an hour and “helping”paw dress can take another half hour by which time I am knackered!
Internet shopping, ordering prescriptions online, a freezer full of easy cook food (chicken or steak pies, fish , fresh sauces such as parsley, fresh bolognese sauce , frozen veg, carrot batons, cauliflower florets , chopped spinach) small sliced white loaves, a dessert or two etc all mean we don’t starve even if I often don’t have the energy to cook from scratch but are better than “ready meals” and saying Yes please if a friend offers to get shopping or help in any way.
Apologies if I am teaching Grannies to suck eggs but survival (yours) is the name of the game. Oh and snatched afternoon naps whenever possible.

My thoughts exactly Luckygirl and also my needs didn't come into the equation at all, it was all about DH. So often I think that these things are all about interpretation and not all areas get it right. You were certainly blessed Maw hope all is well for you and your DH now.

I think it was more about "this is the procedure we follow" -rather than addiction Montanagal Something on the lines of "the computer says no"!!!

Well DH all tucked up now and so I hope we get a good night. Good night everyone, you have been a super support.

Thank you synonymous we are on a long journey but with little likelihood of light at the end of the tunnel -unless it is an oncoming train!
I know there will be no happy ending, just perhaps another crisis, moving down to another level, never getting quite back to where he was before and so on, but I am an ostrich by nature and prefer not to look too far ahead.
I was assured that the RAIT/RAHT Service is not unique to our area, maybe you have to jump up and down and shout a bit.
Assuming you are in receipt of Attendance Allowance could you not use some of that to buy in a little of the help you need? An hour a day on weekdays or even alternate days?
(Galen would laugh at me as it took me over a year to get round to filling the bl**dy form in)

My husband fell off a ladder and broke his back.
After he was patched up and sent home on crutches, and told to walk as much as possible, he still had a lot of pain in one of his feet. The other foot, he had a broken ankle which had been pinned.
A few months later it was discovered he had a fractured heel, which had been missed on the original xrays.
Could that have happened, synonymous?

Synonymous, as your husbands carer, you are entitled to a carers assessment from social services. They were very helpful to me when I looked after my mum. Everybody who cares should be offered the assessment, which will take note of (and hopefully supply) what is needed to ensure you can continue in your current situation. Also, with regards to pain meds, sometimes the 'slow release' ones are good, so that pain doesn't get out of hand, as its much harder to get back under control if it gets too bad as the effects wear off.
Fingers crossed you're both having a better night.

You may be interested in looking up Wiltshire Farm Foods - they have a menu and you can choose as few or as many meals as you like which are home cooked then delivered frozen to your home. They are reasonably priced considering that they are home cooked with good quality ingredients. You could have a "proper" meal alternate days and something on toast or an omelette on other days.
If your DH was your carer perhaps you could get another carer until he is better? Firstly to help you but secondly, because if it is seen that you can not only manage without one but also look after DH, you could possibly lose the carer's allowance.

There are also other companies which do meals, like Wilshire Foods. I can't remember which one my mum settled on, but they also delivered other shopping too. All of the basics, and the cost wasn't too bad. Their menu included more pasta type dishes, etc, which we found better.

Star bird you just pipped me to the post My Dad used Wilshire for his main meal, their menus were extensive they were not expensive and all he had to do was microwave them He said they were really tasty About a year before he died when he was having trouble being on his feet too much he heard about a local scheme called Grandmas kitchen and they were similar prices to Wiltshire but delivered loving hot food at his chosen time they really were yummy and he enjoyed the five minutes banter with the lady who delivered it to his table they also did teas which he had on special occassions there was enough for two teas!! and he had a reasonable appetite
These might be a help temporarily just while you are both under the weather
Xx

Yes agree with Durham Jan. I think this leg needs reviewing. Perhaps there is an undiagnosed fracture or a DVT. Please stress that the pain has become worse.
Wishing you all the best, today.

Does he get attendance allowance, certainly sound like he should and then followed by carers allowance for you, this could fund private carers who would help enormously with shopping cooking cleaning etc and personal care, he probably feels terrible that this is putting so much on you esp as he knows your needs first hand.
Definitely ask for home visits, you must cut out the stress to yourself and the idea of people coming to help by watching you cook is ludicrous, you need and deserve more help so you can at least enjoy your time without it being all about the hard practical things. I also think like others there are other probs with the leg as the healing of it seems to be going the wrong way

Can you get Carers’ Allowance AND Attendance Allowance? I understood the former was for those below pensionable age to compensate for loss of earnings and the latter for you once you reach pension age. (?)
I may be wrong of course , you could check with a quick phone call to AGE UK

I'm not sure of the exact circumstances but I just wanted her to be aware there are options that could help and quite right, get the facts and see what is out there. Just felt so sorry to hear their struggle.

DH back in hospital today. I am relieved in one way but concerned about all the ramifications.
I am hoping that DH won't sign any consents to do anything until there are proper consultations which will include me. He was sent to a specialist to rebuild the ankle and now as far as I can understand they are talking about undoing all that work. I understand that there is possibly infection as they have sent samples which will take 48 hours to culture and yet they have booked a theatre slot and ordered nil by mouth from midnight tonight. He is on an antibiotic drip so why are they not waiting to see if that does the job before getting the knives out? I feel like we are being shoved towards getting on a runaway train and I just want an itinerary before we can't get off. It has been a very long day and all very worrying!

I am so sorry to hear that, Synonymous.
I hope you get some rest tonight and that there is better news tomorrow. Take care.