Independent living?!

Lazigirl that’s so true. It’s when an old person has an incapacitating fall that leaves them unable to walk, that’s the worst scenario.

We all need to be so careful ourselves and take care on stairs, in the garden, indeed everywhere. Old bones don’t knit easily and weak muscles can’t cope.

OldMeg, I concede that you have actual experience which I lack of rehoming elderly dogs. I note that a small local charity will stipulate if a dog must be rehomed to where no children or other animals, or both. Their dogs that seem to not get rehomed are mainly Staffies . The pretty dogs seem to find homes regardless of years, within reason.

I also agree that it's cruel to separate old companions at the time of their great need, far more cruel than being forced to accept a smaller residence or an unsalubrious neighbourhood.

I have just come out of hospital having had a knee op. I was only told on the Monday that my op would be on the Thursday. Luckily, a good friend has come to stay for a couple of weeks and, things going as they are, I should be OK to be left alone when she goes. I shall need District Nurse to do my anti- embolus stockings but that is all.
Had my friend not rushed here to help, I would have been in real trouble, walking with crutches and living in an ‘upside down house’ so 14 stairs to front door, no way of carrying fluids up and down the stairs etc. I cannot imagine what it must be like to be dropped off at home and abandoned.
One light on the horizon, though. I was given the number of the local Red Cross. They are volunteers but, will do light housework, shopping or just stay for a chat. They will organise meals too, if necessary. Maybe there is something like that in your area?

That's good to know Tweedle. Hope your knee heals quickly and well.

My Mother had a stroke 9 years ago at 69 years old.It was a massive hemorrhagic stroke and the doctors thought she would not survive.She did survive, with limited mobility,the loss of use of her right arm and no speech. My mother wanted to stay in her own home and so she has live in care (private) provided by an agency.We have had no end of difficulties with carers.Some have been brilliant and some have been downright awful.My mother is often violent and aggressive which is born from her frustration at her inability to speak and the situation is upsetting and stressful and hugely expensive.

It is not just the elderly that suffer. DD had an accident that left her unable to use her right arm and with a huge skin transplant on the arm and even larger donation wound on her leg. She came out of surgery at 2,00pm (her fourth op in 10 days) and was discharged at 6.00pm because they needed her bed..

It was just assumed we could care for her. Nobody spoke to us and enquired whether we were still working (DH was) or had health problems. She needed 24/7 care for the first two weeks. What would have happened if we had not been able to provide this care I do not know.

You are correct Alexa about Staffies. But ‘pretty’ dogs can be impossible to rehome too if they bite, aren’t house trained, suffer from separation anxiety, don’t like children or other animals.

Quietdragon I’m sorry to read about your mother. Severe strokes like that are indeed devastating to both victim and family.

Indeed as a nation we have nothing to be proud of when caring for our elderly is concerned.
Some heart breaking stories here, added to the many I already have heard about in my own area.
As it seems, all of us here in this forum are fast heading in the direction of these needs....... it fills me with dread.

We are both now ailing too fast for comfort,have absolutely no family members whatsoever, so the dread is compounded and very real.
We have a lovely home that we have mainly created ourselves, though it is some miles away from the amenities we now need, and without a `bus service we fear the day when the car will no longer be an option.
It has kept me awake many a night over a period of years, and yes,we have worked hard in trying to solve our own dilemnas.
Initially, hard though it was we put our home up for sale with the intention of down sizing radically, and hopefully moving into a Retirement complex being built in a nearby town.Luckily it was a town of our choice too so it was all systems go.

That was 4 years ago.We had plenty of viewers and many very pleased with what we offered, but very few actually wanting to purchase!
Would you believe the day we got the all important sound offer, the very last Apartment in this complex was sold!

Because of our on going precarious health situation we have been advised we can have a 2 bed Apartment in one of these newer schemes, whereupon it is classed higher than Sheltered accomodation....... going under the umbrella of a "Home for life......".it offers practically all one needs on a daily basis including the little extras like a Hairdressing Salon,your own front door,main cooked meal .......all at a cost of course.
We have viewed and although small, it is offering much as any of these Retirement Complexes except you have specially adapted Bathrooms.Whilst of course all around are elderly in all varying aspects of ill health.
The biggest part we find is telling your heart this is the right place!!
We then were actually offered one but our purchaser had by then with drawn from the sale.................so hey presto we are back almost where we started.

We cannot bear waiting another 4 years of undecision as it will wear me to the ground.Life is by no means easy and made even more difficult when you have no family back up.............at least to discuss all these pros and cons with.
Being very independant, we would not expect or want family to actually help out anyway.
There are so many facets to this caring business and sadly our Nation does not seem able to well and truly find the answers, and sadly,as your letters denote,very many people are being left high and dry.
My heart goes out to those people with stories that shame the nation......and of course to add to the problem is the fact we are an aging nation.

panache, I am so sorry to hear of all your problems in trying to move to better-suited accommodation. I've noticed from ads that some of these large retirement companies (Churchill? M & S?) have a scheme whereby they will take over the selling of your existing home for you - no doubt you would end up with less than on the open market, but it would be a way of avoiding more of the stress you've had so far.

Very kind of you to express interest and offer help humptydumpty,very much appreciated.
But sad to say its rather a case of "Been there,done that........" but I did not come away with anything other than heartache!
We actually went through the entire heart breaking scenario of trying to do Part Exchange through McCarthy & Stone, only to find they offered such a low sum for our property...... after we have put so much blood,sweat and tears into bringing it up to today`s standard.
In fact on the then so near purchase afterwards there was almost £100,000 difference between their offer and what our purchaser offered.
Perhaps on hindsight it would have been best to "simply bite the bullet"...................but as you know I am sure hindsight is always a wonderful tool........but now too late!

AGain- if you think you would prefer to live independently- plan and plan ahead - adapt your home, talk to family, find solutions that can then be put into action, by yourself or with help of family or friends. Once you are 'up against it' it is too late.

We are in great health, very active- but our plans are made, and our house slowly adapted to make it possible. And financially, it is a win win solution, for sure. At 150 a day times 2 - you can buy the most fantastic top quality care at home, and some.

OldMeg, despite possible difficulties with deceased's dogs, the RSPCA will agree in advance to try to rehome pets that cannot any longer rely upon their old, dead, or disabled owners. I have such an agreement. You have to let the executors or person with lasting power of attorney know about the arrangement.

To try to rehome is correct. No guarantees. But if your dog(s) are well adjusted Alexa then of course they stand a very good chance. I’ve made private arrangements within the family and left money with conditions attached.

I agree that this is very important to animal lovers like yiu and me. ??

I gather that the Cinnamon Trust can arrange volunteers to walk dogs for people who aren't well enough to.

True Jane10 and not just dogs.

The Cinnamon Trust

The only specialist national charity for people in their last years and their much loved, much needed companion animals.

A network of 15,000 volunteers “hold hands” with owners to provide vital loving care for their pets. They keep them together - for example, walk a dog every day for a housebound owner, foster pets when owners need hospital care, fetch the cat food, or even clean out the bird cage, etc.

When staying at home is no longer an option, thevPet Friendly Care Home Register lists care homes and retirement housing happy to accept residents with pets, and providing previous arrangements have been made the time will take on life time care of a bereaved pet.

Anyone with pets should also plan ahead- just as you do with kids. Make a plan, find people, family or friends, or neighbours or an Association if former not possible, who are prepared and happy to take on your pets in case of an emergency, sickness or your demise.

Not doing so is, to my mind- very cruel. All our pets have plans and finance to back up too.

If you have pets, contact the Cinnamon Trust. It is a charity that cares for pets in the event of someone being admitted to hospital, transferring to a pet-free home or dying. They have volunteers all over the country who will help with pet care within the home, foster or, if necessary, rehome. A real bit of peace of mind amongst the other concerns,
By the way, if pets need to be homed together, they will see that too.

We were pretty smug when we moved here. Thought we had it all organised but having now seen the plight of 2 neighbours for all their family, finances and their visiting 'carers' I hae ma doots! It's not independent living it's pure incarceration.
We're rethinking!

Really Tweedle who told you that? ???

"Cinnamon Trust is the only specialist national charity which seeks to relieve the anxieties, problems, and sometimes injustices, faced by elderly and terminally ill people and their pets, thereby saving a great deal of human sadness and animal suffering. The Trust was founded in 1985 by Mrs Averil Jarvis whose determination and dedication has ensured that the manifest need is fully addressed."

www.cinnamon.org.uk/cinnamon-trust/