Mother of the bride nerves

Sorry it's about them.

Weddings, are such lovely occasions cheesecake that I'm sure on the day you will be swept up in the happiness of it all. Most attention will be on the bride anyway.
But I know how you feel. I will be the only grandparent at the wedding of my grandaughter later this year, and by far
the oldest person there, so hope they`don't expect me to turn cartwheels or something!

On the day I don't think you will be nervous or panicky once it starts as you will be "In it" and enjoying it. If you find you have panic attacks before hand or sleepless nights, talk to your Doctor or use Kalms or similar. There is also Rescue Remedy which you just put a few drops on your tongue and it works.

You seem to be hearing the good advice re relaxing and letting the feelings go as described by other posters and if you can put that or similar into practice I think that would be very helpful. Look on You tube for a video on relaxation. Emotional Freedom Technic (EFT, tapping) is very good. When you watch it you might be a bit sceptical as I was but it worked for me.

Cheesecake, so much good advice already posted. Look gorgeous, beam at everyone, relax and ENJOY. It's all you have to do and everyone will think you have been absolutely gracious and charming - as you will have been. ??

Talk to your daughter and see if there is a family member who will act as a”Master of Ceremonies” - he/she will act as host and direct everything. Wear something new that you are happy wearing - don’t choose a BIG hat ( I made that mistake once! ) you can then appear in the photographs - smile and shake hands with everyone and enjoy your day. It’s easy to sign the register! I’ve been the “Mum” at one son’s wedding and at three daughter’s weddings. They shouldn’t need you to organise anything - you must tell them how you feel - how about asking the bridegroom’s mum to take a leading role, she’d be flattered. It doesn’t have to be you. Have a lovely day

Cheesecake, I'm sorry to hear about your anxiety in the run up to what everyone assumes is a wonderful, happy business.

I experienced similar feelings, waking up every morning for months beforehand with queasy dread. On the actual day, it turned out that the parents of the happy couple were NOT, in any way, the focus of attention! Which was good!

I do recommend Bach Rescue Remedy, available from chemists. The front of the bottle says "To comfort and reassure", which I find it does. I also decided beforehand that I would only have two alcoholic drinks during the day, as I couldn't bear the thought of being the worse-for-wear so publicly and in photos. I'm glad I did, as I felt very in control. No one commented if I chose a soft drink - and in the end I did enjoy a cheeky third one later in the evening!

I hope you'll feel reassured by the experiences of the other grans here who have 'gone before', and can wear a nice outfit, a big smile and know that This Will Pass.

We hired a professional Mof C - he was utterly wonderful - the wedding venue recommended him. Everyone else could relax and his ‘instructions’ in his lovely but loud voice were always immediately obeyed

www.toastmaster-sjeggleton.info/Testimonials.html

This was our toastmaster - very easy to google one - just toastmaster+ county

Dear Cheesecake, do have a lovely time and enjoy yourself. One or two thoughts:

1. I would be VERY wary of taking new drugs, whether bought or prescribed, for the first time on the big occasion. Perhaps try them out a week or two in advance, possibly before a party or similar. I know one friend who took a beta blocker before an exam (don’t know the strength) and was then completely hopeless on the day of the exam!

2. Buy a new dress or whatever, but do wear it around the house beforehand to get the feel of it. I bought a new fairly expensive silk dress before a wedding and in the church it slowly unravelled along one seam! I got my money back afterwards but I needed to slide quietly out of the church, rush home and change!

3. When I was MoB, it was lovely but my work was done in the previous weeks, mainly making sure that my clever but impractical husband was going to get to the wedding in time. So I booked us all into a small hotel immediately by the wedding venue the night before the wedding and for the following night. It certainly calmed my nerves and made sure that everyone in the wedding party was actually there. The MiL did the same, so both sides of the new family met up and had a nice calm meal the night before the big day.

As before, do enjoy the day and the time leading up to it and remember that people are normally concerned with themselves and their immediate relations and won’t notice any nerves from you! ??

I was nervous too with both daughters' weddings but I really enjoyed both days. It is all about meeting and getting to know the families. One wedding was 200 miles away so had nothing to do, the other we were worked off our feet. Ended up with 15 minutes to get ready! Still enjoyed the day though. Don't forget that the day just goes so quickly and relax/breathe!

I felt much the same for my son's wedding but overcame it by confiding in a couple of good friends who were invited to the wedding and they promised to look after me . On the day all went well and they weren't needed- but just knowing they were there was a big help. I told my son too and he was surprisingly understanding! Also I took Kalms for a few days (which takes the edge off) and got a comfortable dress and jacket combination which covered up the lumps and bumps and looked good on the photos!

Talk to your GP

My daughter married two years ago. The invitations went out in my name as (widowed) mother of the bride. I am not a 'party person' so was quite nervous at the thought of this big occasion. My daughter knew what she wanted so was in charge of arrangements, with her husband and myself supporting and doing what we could. I made sure she approved of what I planned to wear. On the day, the couple were of course centre of attention. I made a point of going to each table to talk to the guests (most of whom I didn't know as they were friends of the couple) to make sure they were enjoying themselves. Thankfully I have the ability of not appearing shy although I am very shy and unsure of myself inside. Many expressed to my daughter afterwards that they were touched that I had taken time to chat to them. It was a lovely day, as I am sure yours will be.

Avoid alcohol, nothing upsets things quite like alcohol. I didn't drink at either of my dc's weddings and can honestly say I felt better for it. I was in control, was able to solve any problems and I enjoyed it. I did have a drink just before bed when it was all over though.

I’m sure you will be fine and have a great time. Take the good advice given on here and don’t overthink it.

Are you Mrs. Markle?

I started to have panic attacks after something happened at work. I didnt want tablets. I knew a girl who was used to travelling a lot by plane till she suddenly started having panic attacks for no apparent reason. She couldnt fly any more and was devastated. A hypnotherapist found the reason and sorted her out. I tried one for mine and while I wasnt cured, I did find they were much less severe and was so glad I went down that route. Just an idea. All the very best.

I'm sorry you feel this way. We had one such wedding for middle daughter and there was a LOT of work and planning but on the day itself everything had been done so I just sat in my housecoat having my make-up done and my nails painted while bridesmaids drank Buck's Fizz and my sister made scrambled eggs on toast for everyone. It was a lovely, memorable day, as I hope your daughter's will be. Just do as much in advance as you can, then relax and enjoy!

At my eldest daughters wedding I was fine never gave it a thought until we were in the receiving line for guests and 3 separate people asked me how I was coping with being the second most important lady in the room? I didn’t think of myself as this just DD’s Mother and I put the comments from my mind and just enjoyed the magical day. I would advise you to do the same

Rest assured, no-one is bothered about so-called, old-fashioned protocol these days, and Mother of the Bride or not, you will most certainly not be anywhere near the centre of attention on your Daughter's big day. All eyes will rightly be on the happy couple. Just relax and enjoy it.

When my daughter got married three years ago, it was her who was on the verge of panic attacks but for the same reason.
Believe it or not, she works as a university lecturer, standing up in front of groups of critical people every day, yet when I asked her what was wrong, she said "I don't like being the centre of attention"!
When it came to it, she and her now-husband decided to do away with bridesmaids and best man (couldn't choose anyway) and just arrived hand-in-hand, supporting each other and starting as they have continued.
It all went well, though she now wishes she had been able to relax and enjoy it more!
I too am not too happy about having all eyes on me but I felt so joyful about the wedding and so proud of my gorgeous daughter and her lovely choice of husband that I chose to wear a simple but glamorous navy dress with a beautiful, enormous, bright prink hat that made me feel fabulous!
There's lots of good advice here and I do hope you are able to conquer your nerves and enjoy the day.

Ooops! Of course my hat was pink, not prink!!

Be the best you can be that makes you feel most confident, whether it's losing weight, getting your hair right and getting the right dress then you will hold your head up high then u will be fine. Fantastic occasion so enjoy by feeling bloody marvellous then the rest will follow. Make em proud x

All eyes will be on the couple, not you. Enjoy the day, a celebration with a big smile on your face.

My son is getting married next year and I'm so excited. I will, however, be shedding tears of happiness as I'm so happy to see a new chapter in his life he will be sharing with a wonderful woman.

yes I think a bit of mindfulness meditation will do you a power of good. Just let those anxieties pass by. See if there is a course nearby. It is very calming and empowering and proven to be of help. And is the basis of Applegrans advice! When I was MotB I have to admit I was not at all the centre of attention. In fact when I went to sit next to ex (who was disabled) he said oh great can you look after my bag and I can look round. I felt very important - not. And then when I was getting ready a neighbour insisted that I move my car because of a sewage leak in her house...after that I forgot to finish makeup and put on any jewellery. You really just have to laugh at fate and go with the flow. It'll be fine.